Well, yes there is an emotional process.  But its more random than straight
line.  Not everyone reaches the same level of acceptance or even wants to.

Jo

The best thing we can do here is listen. You are entitled to your rant or whine
or whatever you want to call it. Sometimes someone here will offer a little
cheese to go with the whine. :-)

We also offer chocolate, but mostly we listen. Stick around.

---
Joan

hi ml,
glad you came here. there is a process, and as jo said, it's different
for everyone. i find i go through that trapped feeling every time
something new is added to my list of physical problems. it's as though
i get to a point where i can deal with what i have, and then something
new gets tossed in the mix. so far, nothing's been subtracted,
unfortunately.

the thing that works best for me (and not necessarily for you or anyone
else) is to forget about healing as being something physical and to
think about it in more spiritual terms. also, thinking about friends of
mine who died way before they were lucky enough to reach my age (55)
helps me appreciate every moment i'm given, no matter how uncomfortable
that moment may be.

it's particularly hard when you're dealing with loved ones, like your
parents. i've brought this up here before. i can usually get a handle
on my own misery, but i can't come to grips with the suffering of my
siblings (MS, kidney disease, etc) or that of my parents before they
died. that's much harder than dealing with my own in many ways.

so many of us here know how you feel, and a lot of us have had to deal
with declining parents as well. please continue to turn to asa for
support and we'll all muddle through together . . .  somehow or
another.

diane

Acceptance is one of the hardest things to do...I have OA in every joint in
my body and FM....And no it isn't going away...And yes there are days I do
more and feel like doing more...And about the time I think that I have
accepted my limits..I have a really good day and then I question whether or
not I am really "sick"...Then I over do it and Pow...I let a flare sneak up
and knock my socks off...Then I have to go through the whole acceptance
denial circle again...
Also Accepting doesn't mean giving up or in...It just means that you realize
that there is something wrong with you that isn't really ever going to go
all the way away... But accepting that doesn't mean that you quit searching
for ways to have a better quality of life...Or searching for that "miracle
cure"....Or keep you from reading everything you can find...

I think that I really hate it worse when My Mom worries about me and I hate
to complain to her....I don't want her to feel sorry for me or feel bad
because I feel bad...
And I have to keep myself from doing the same thing to my daughter..who is
only 27 and has FM and OA....And I see her beginning to struggle like I do.
And when she tells me it hurts...I don't wanna just say Yeah I know because
I don't want her to think that I think she is whining and I want her to know
I do understand...
Man did I make this long....

Coming here is a great relief...because if you say...My hair hurts...We
understand completely...
And you do have to hide your chocolate...There is a rumor of a chocolate
burgurlar around...Hope you haven't had any chocolate come up missing...

Hugs Cindy

Yes.

   Same as for any kind of grieving. You have to get beyond who you were
and deal with who you now are. Who/what you thought you'd be by age X isn't
going to be so there is that part of the process of letting go and moving
on, too.

  What varies is the individual rate at which the grief stages are
done...or if a person gets stuck at one. Getting stuck at a stage is a very
not good thing.

  I've got the T-Shirt and hat and they're both one size fits all.

BTDT Hugs from Rosie

<exactly the same as ASC-P post but for the Gimps it could help>

Hi I am a top poster.. sorry it is a defect.
Anyways, You sound like I did a few years ago.
I have to agree with everyone here about the time on acceptance. I find
myself getting really peed off when I am unable to do something that used to
be easy for me. Yes I feel trapped and depressed when I get that way.
I watch people play softball and I get jealous with envy. I want to play so
bad I can taste it. If I did or even tried I would be in the hospital. I go
through times when everything is good and then bam I am down with awful pain
and fatigue. That is my biggest complaint about this junk is when I want to
do something and I am unable to, or I am slower at it. Sometimes I feel like
screaming and I go through moments when I could just throw something into
the wall because I am so angry that I have this stuff. Then I stop and look
around at the things I can do and then I home in on that and give 110%. That
helps me allot. I have recently learned all of my limitations and I have
learned to pace myself so I can do more. I do leave the dishes after dinner
now(they will be there when I feel betteror the kids will pitch in and
help). I stopped fretting over small stuff. Maybe you can find peace with
your body and make a deal with it if it will let you do a little fun now you
will promise to rest it more often.
Yes, people and family that do not have this stuff do not understand nor
will they ever totally understand what you are going through. Do not let
that make you feel like a failure or that you are less of a person. I did
that for so many years. I would make excuses and sometime agree with them. I
stopped that. If they do not understand to an extent and they can not show
you respect then screw them (excuse my french). I have totally stopped
talking to some of my family because they thought I was a faker.
Now they show a little more compassion and understanding.
Sorry for being so long winded, but I just had to say this.
Stick around there are some really great people here.
BTW HIDE YOUR CHOCOLATE!
RhondaM

In a word...yes.  It's a grieving process because, let's face it, a part of
us is lost forever.  No matter how we learn to cope, we all go through it.
And, not to scare you, but even after all these years, I sometimes start all
over again being angry that I can't do such-and-such when before it was a
breeze.  Just keep focusing on what you CAN do and you'll make it through.

Welcome to our sandbox.  Here, you can use my shovel while I go get us some
lemonade.

DeeTee
________________________________
DeeTee and Bob Taggart
http://www.marykay.com/dtaggart3
http://mysite.verizon.net/vze8fwov/
________________________________

Mary Lou wrote:

Yes, and not just once but many times.

I was in that situation after being diagnosed in
1977 (2nd opinion after first diagnosis in 1976)
even though I was still working.

About 1980 I began participating in a Christian
divorce group with bowling, dinner-theater, and
other social activities.  Then in Fall 1983 I went
to a square dance class to re-learn everything
I had forgotten after dancing 1948-1960.   <g>

I was in the same situation in Jamul again when
I had to stop driving in 1996 (the primary reason
I moved back to "city life" in El Cajon).

... Dismantled:  The New York Yankees after 1968.

very much so.  I relate it to the grieving process that goes with death
(think Kubler-Ross's stages here).  And that's not at all inappropriate.  You
are grieving for your former state of health and adjusting to a major change
in how you live and function.  It does get better, but acceptance is a slow
process and you still have days when you revert to rage or at least to the
doldrums.

how are you sleeping?  with the problems you describe, I'm thinking there's a
good chance your sleep is being disturbed by pain.  If so, talk to your
doctor about it.  you may need pain meds or sleep meds to help you rest.  
Anti-depressants work well for some folks in helping with sleep disturbances
from chronic illness.

I mention all of this because adjusting/accepting is even harder if you
aren't getting enough sleep.  The mind is just too tired to deal with it and
the fatigue increases your pain.  It's all a part of the loop.

Hang in there.  You'll make it.

yes, acceptance of arthritis is an emotional journey and each journey is the
personal processing of each day's full of the familiar, the strange and the
absurd---it's grief and fear, denial and anger, despair and desparation,
feeling helpless and hopeless; it's reaching out to others who can relate
and understand and sharing your own experiences which help others; it can be
a wild ride of emotional highs and lows; it's self-discovery, self-awareness
and creative adaptablity; it's learning to trust and learning who and what
not to trust; it's learning to navagate the uncertain and ever-changing
waters of conventional and complementary medicine; it's sometimes throwing
sacred hissy fits and sometimes sitting still while listening to your body;
it's one foot in front of the other; it's taking life one day at a time and
when a day is too long, one hour or one moment at a time; it's learning to
allow things you never thought you would allow and digging your heels in and
learning how and when to say "no"; it's gratitude and faith, hope and
abiding within; it's feeling jerked around and feeling you've been heard;
it's an education borne of questions; self-determination and
self-empowerment and knowing you are not alone;  it is feeling betrayed by
your body and feeling trapped by circumstances; challenging and challenges
and it's much, much more.

hang in there, hon.  you've come to the right place, we do understand.

kate