hi folks

don't have much good to say - just need to vent

you know i've been in pt for many months - progress has slowed to a
crawl, very frustrating. hard to do all that needs to get done without
all the parts working.

have had to deal with a series of events with friends and family that
has me worn to a nubbin - probably tipped me over the edge a bit

from best to worst

one of best friends for 40 years is throwing blood clots in legs - docs
are doing all they can but still don't really have a reason - no
diabetes or such, so only able to treat symptoms. he'll probably be ok -
a least they've let him out of hospital

Reynaldo, number one volunteer here at the society, is a para/wheelie
and has developed toxic shock/infection from a decubitus ulcer that has
reached stage 3, he's now hospitalized - it'll be ok, but also long
recovery after surgery that can't happen until they get the infection
stopped

but the part that has me exhausted

just got back from boston - haven't said before, but my oldest brother
[really a step, but that has never made a diff.] was diag. with
pancreatic cancer 9 weeks ago. frank and i have always been close and of
a like mind - people watchers... - he knew that one of my best friends
died of pancreatic cancer 8 years ago, and that i had done major
research on it and what can/cannot be done - so i was his reference
library and coach. sister in law helen needed to believe that there
would be a miracle and was not allowing herself to prepare for the
inevitable.

very aggressive and not an option for surgery - chemo was only for
palliative purposes and due to start last week.

tues eve got a call from frank asking me to come up - without any more
tests he know that it was already the end, and wanted someone to be
there for helen

i had just gotten Rey into hospital that afternoon. dropped everything
and climbed on plane to boston.

frank's sensibility was correct, by weds afternoon systems started to
fail - a slow, and thankfully for helen, gentle decline.
he died at exactly 8 pm thurs. my task during the hours was to help
helen see that everything that could have been done had been, and that
allowing him to go without heroic, and futile, measures was what he
wanted.

he was in brigham/dana-farber institute, and they are magnificent. both
the direct palliative care for frank, and the wonderful family support
were 24 hours all out and wonderful

i am exhausted and everything hurts, still have to follow-up on rey's
care and then i'm taking a break so i'll see you guys later

paul