yes.  i did.  at precisely 2:15 in the morning, after i sorted out exactly
what i was feeling and why, i called the doctor's answering service and
cancelled the epidural procedure.  no regrets.  i'm glad i did.  in fact,
even for the very short time i slept last night, it was the best sleep i've
had in over a year.

i will have the epidural procedure done, but when i, myself, find the doctor
i want to have do it for me.  i do want and need the relief and want the
possibility of being able to sleep better and longer.  i don't want a bum's
rush to do it.

i don't do anything major of potentially life altering consequence with
haste, unless it is an emergency life and death situation--then, i'm forced
to take the risk and to allow come what may.

i've learned, the hard way, that when any potentially life altering
decisions are made in haste, even though the goal is positive, it creates
opportunity for negative consequences to morph that positive goal's outcome
into something hideously unlike what was intended.

i'm not doing and i don't do any potentially life-altering invasive medical
procedures, no matter how positive the goal's intent, nor how common the
invasive procedure is---all invasive procedures have inherent risks and
those risks can also be life altering.   first, i sit down and talk to, and
get a sense of, the doctor who will be performing the procedure.  and that
*will not* be limited to only the day of the procedure and 15 minutes before
it, like this guy intended with the epidural.  i need time to process, in
order to make a correct, for me, and comfortable decision/choice.

this routine some doctors have of "educating you", immediately before the
procedure, without giving you time to think about it, make other choices or
arrangements or get comfortable with it, is wrong.  if not wrong for
everybody, i know it is wrong for me.  and it is one thing that stops me
dead in my tracks and i will and do get off the tracks before the oncoming
train hits me.  nothing will make me run away from doctors faster, than a
doctor who rushes things and/or withholds information.

i don't like being handed off from one doctor to the next, without being
respected enough to be consulted or asked if i have preferences or
objections. because, that's how my leg got so mutilated by surgical scars.
the certified surgeon i agreed to have do the surgery on my leg, let a first
year resident do the actual surgery, without my permission, and that
resident didn't have the surgical skill to minimize hideous scarring.

i loved my hand surgeon and my sinus surgeon, both were men.  i chose them.
neither gave me the bum's rush.  both took time with me to help me
understand, get comfortable with and  make sure i felt those were procedures
i needed and that i wanted to have those surgeons do them for me.  both gave
me extraordinarily good results and neither just passed me off to somebody
else.  my hand surgeon even gave me multiple options for rehabbing my hand
and allowed me to choose who i wanted to help me do that and where.

i guess all i've said about the epidural is ---anyway, not today.

kate