Susanne, your description of the funeral is beautiful.  You have a special
way with words.
And yes, seeing all those people does somehow help.  I'll never forget that
full church - knowing how many people a life can touch.  It somehow makes a
difference in the middle of all the terrible.

When things settle down, take a couple days for yourself.  Stay in bed, cry,
look through pictures, throw things, whatever you need to do.  It's an
important part of the climb back.  Just be sure to have an appointment or
someplace you absolutely *must* be so you won't stay in bed.

Sending lots of love your way

(((Susanne)))))

melissa

I do wonder though if he would still be here if I
had been able to still work and bring in a paycheck and he didn't have
to
work so hard. I miss him so.

Susanne, you don't know me, but I have to say this:  it isn't your
fault, never was, never will be.  Each of us is "called home" when it
is our time.  Those left back miss them, and feel guilt (most often for
no reason) as you do.  He loved you, and knew you loved him.

My little niece was 3-4 when my mother died, I can still remember her
looking up at the ceiling and asking God why he took "Nanny" when she
wasn't done helping her granddaughters yet...  Then looking at each of
us and saying the He must have needed Nanny more than we did.

It does get "easier", but I think it will always hurt some.  Remember
all the love you had together, and the good times, believe it or not,
you won't really remember the "bad times" very well (if at all).

My heart goes out to you, I cannot imagine the immensity of your loss,
but you will be in prayers and my thoughts for a long while to come.
Smokie Darling (Annie)

Thanks for your  sharing a small part of him with us and it is good for you
to put how you feel in words for others to read and share.   The our-pouring
for him is the best tribute that can be for a person.   I know that right
now to curl up and just let the world go by is very tempting but would be
the worst thing for you to do.   We all do that to a small extent at times
but Charles would want you to take his place in as many things as you can
and you will work that out for yourself understanding that you can not take
his place but are doing the best you can.
    I know that you think the pain you now feel will never get better,,,,
but it will and your friends and children still need you to be there for
them.
in my prayers
Harv

I do wonder though if he would still be here if I

I don;t think this man worked hard because he hadto, but rather
because he loved what he did and wanted to work. Had you been able to
work, it may not have made a difference at all to the amount he worked
or hard he worked at it. From the outpouring of love and support that
was given back by the aboriginal community, this is clearly a man who
enjoyed doing what he did.

Hugs again Susanne for you and your family. Your husband sounds like a
wonderful person that will be missed by many.

He leaves a great legacy in the meaning that he gave to teh people he
worked with. I am sure that in the coming days, you will hear many
more stories that you can add to your treasure chest of memories.

    Rose   @}>->--
    Being educated means that rather than fearing the unknown, one seeks to understand it. RB  

Susanne, those of us who have been in the same place know something of how
you feel.  You will have sad days but the better days will come.  Grieve as
long as you need to and however you need to, but know that we are here any
time you need us.
Gwen

After my dad died, my mom admitted to wondering if he would have lived had
she pushed more on getting a couple of symptoms checked out earlier.  Then
she told me that she WAS NOT going to think that way!  She knew that she had
done all she could at the time.  That is all any of us can do.  Whenever you
begin to feel guilty about not being able to work more, remember that you
provided the love, comfort, support and security that he needed in order to
do all the wonderful things he did.  I've had to accept my emotional and
psychological, but not financial, support position in my husband's recent
career path.  Even though I wish I could have contributed more financially to
the whole process, he says over and over that he never could have done it
without my support.  I suspect the same was true for all the wonderful things
your husband did.

It does indeed sound like he was a marvelous man and you had a wonderful
marriage.  You certainly raised caring children!  How beautiful that you were
able to hear how widely loved and respected he was.  Now, it is ok to take a
day or two, or even a few hours here and there, to curl up in bed and mourn
on your own.  My mom did some journaling on the computer after Daddy's death.
She alloted that as her daily "cry time".  Then she'd get on with what had
to be done that day.  It worked for her, though it might not for everyone.

BTW, my dad, who was also a wonderful man, was another Charles........

Susanne, your description of the service was just beautiful.  Charles
obviously touched many lives, and it is so nice to hear how they have
thanked him.  It is so good to hear that you also have the support of you
friends and family.  It will help pull you through the dark times, and learn
how to enjoy the good times again.

Janet N.