For me its been a long drawn out process of learning not to worry
about things I can't do anything about.  Sometimes with more success
than others.

But honestly I think more credit goes to having plenty of other
things to worry about.  For the next ten months I have no teenagers
to worry about.  Oldest grandsons are now in their early twenties,
their little brother is twelve.  For the most part if I am bound and
determined to worry, I worry about the kids.

That, and I'm sure something in the various drugs I'm on helps with
anxiety.

Last but not least, I find I worry less about the future as I get
older.  Kind of a memory thing.  To busy worrying about things I
might forget.

Jo

I find things to do to keep me busy if I can. Of course I pray and read the
bible or devotionals too to help me get through it.

but since the countdown is coming for no money, no way to pay bills, it is
not working as good.

but it does work for me to keep busy for the other things like what is wrong
with me, dreading the medical test. don't know if it would work for surgery.

OH my yes,,,,and what works for me..... Its about thy will Lord and what
tomorrow will bring for me.   I can not control what takes place in much of
my life.  I do what I can with what makes sense for me and then I give the
rest to my God and my newsgroup for what comes next   and I try to listen to
both and when I think they agree,,,,, life is easy.
Harv

First, I tell myself over and over that whatever it is, it will be ok.  
That's partly a matter of faith and God and partly the knowledge that I/we
have come through so much already that we can manage what we need to. (of
course this doesn't keep me from whining along the way!  But telling God that
I really don't want to do "this" again is part of the process for me!)

Second, I do what I can to control what I can.  I learn what I can, I do my
best to get doctors I can trust (which was a big frustration when we lived
with very limited options that way!), I remind myself of the positives in the
situation rather than the negatives (i.e. getting a diagnosis at least means
you can *treat* it,  both parents and I myself have always done well with
surgery so I will this time also, etc.) and, once again, tell myself that
even though i don't want to do whatever it is, I can get through it because
I've managed so much already. And I make sure those around me know I love
them, just in case soemthing does happen to me.

And I schedule treats for myself to help me look on the good side of life!
(we're off on another overnight to Chicago tomorrow!)

I am not the best to answer this today as I have had a major anxiety attack
this morning over all this stupid seperation stuff but I guess since I have
it sort of under control again...well here is my routine.

First I start with breathing exercises - upping them when I feel anxious or
know that things are happening that I am losing a little sleep over.  I am
at about 8 - 10 times a day right now on those.  Just deep breathing,
expanding the abs and chest and exhaling making sure everything is out and
usually if I am at home making a humming or shwooshing noise while exhaling.

I also make lists at this time.  Worst case scenario, best case scenario.
Make sure history is all there and look at the things that are improving.
The kind of "surgery tomorrow" anxiety would be to make lists of what I have
taken care of and how well prepared I am.  For example - I leave in 14 days
to go to Hawaii.  Scooter - check, airport - phone to arrange wheelchair,
get small wheeled bag and check in large one.  Meds in sufficcient demand -
check.  Prescription for tamiflu - getting on Wednesday.  Etc.  This now
takes some of the worry out of that. What is the worst that can happen?  How
am I going to handle that.  The best case scenario - I will do everything I
want.  The worst case - I get sick and spend the week in the hotel room -
well at least it won't be in the apartment here. It will be in hot hawaii
not cold damp BC at the moment.

Relaxation exercises - I do these all the time twice a day.  When I had the
cat and dog they were not allowed in the bedroom when I did them.  My
favorite one is to lie and relax each joint first.  Tighten (not to the
point of pain) and then relax, over and over until I feel that I am sinking
into the bed.  Then I take myself into my favorite spot.  Right now I walk
along the river, watching the ducks and swans.  I take a deep breath and
smell the fresh air and grasses.  If I close my eyes I can hear the wind in
the grasses beside the riverside. I sit on a bench and watch the boats go in
and out of the inlet, silently drifing by.  The ripples in the water as they
go by.  On and on.

Sometimes it is my favorite garden area I imagine.  I make a scene in my
head, smells, sights, what I hear and always the heat of the sun on my face.

Gentle exercise breaks also help my anxiety.  A gentle stretch of all my
joints to the point before pain helps to make me feel under control.On a day
like today distraction works best.  Pat and I had a huge fight on the phone
and I must admit I was having trouble breathing after and the apartment
closed in.  It was scary and part of that was the "what will I do with this
damn disability and how will I live on whatever I am going to live on and
what the hell happened to make me put up with the past few years of
marriage."

So for distraction I got out.  Just left in my car not really knowing where
I was going except to go out and buy toilet paper.  I purposely smiled and
said hi to everyone.  Talked to everyone, got a newspaper and then went for
fish and chips - yes a forbidden food but it felt better.  I am still
feeling anxious about everything but feel I can cope now.

I think you said what I do in a sentence.  For me it is practice.  Practice
and routine every day.  It is what gets me through most things - practicing
the breathing, practicing the distraction techniques and making those lists.
By the way the lists are filed after.  Once written down and the worst
brought out I write out possible solutions then file the paper.  Sometimes
when I need to I bring out the file and realize I mastered that situation or
the test wasn't as bad as I thought.  Sometimes the solution is to research
ideas such as the results of tests - sometimes that is more than I can do as
it seems to scary.  The important thing for me is to be prepared but not go
off on a tangent (as I am easily taken that way if you read things further.
ie:  heart test - could mean blockage, could mean heart attack, maybe
surgery, what would I do if I needed surgery, how would I cope, what kind of
surgery.  All that tangent for a heart test that maybe was just
investigational or routine.  Easily done with information.)

Hope this helps Diane.  Prayer isn't a big thing for me but thoughts are.  I
guess those thoughts are maybe healing prayers but usually they are just
warm thoughts. I like to think they work the same way.

Kelly

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2009-11/uomh-urs103009.php Stolen
from Nann's post, thanks Nann!

Drugs and alcohol of course!! No, just kidding. There is a kenel of truth to
that also. I have anti-d's from my shrink as well as anti-anxiety meds only
if and when something is extremely overwhelming and only for a very short
term.
This will probably sound pretty morbid but the moment I was born I was
already dying. That's the meat and potatos. Everything in between is gravy.
Might run into a few lumps now and again but that is the way it is. We have
no idea how much time we have so I believe we should enjoy every moment,
every experience good or bad. Is that hedonistic? Don't know, don't care. I
know what little I can control and don't worry about what I can't. I believe
life is to be enjoyed regardless of circumstance. Consequently I have very
few things I worry about and less I get stressed over. With others, I help
when I can and don't worry about when I can't. I pursue wholeheartedly the
things I enjoy, don't have time for the rest. One step in front of the other
until my time is up.
GaryZ

diane

Hi Diane,
It's a very good question and reading through the thread at this late stage
I can see why many people  here have much to be anxious about. I feel deeply
moved by the situations of many of the posters here and wish there was some
way I was able to help. In spite of the many problems, people here are
always quick with an encouraging word and support even when the odds seem
personally stacked against them.

I think part of coping is having a support network around, that way ( whilst
you ultimately have to face it by yourself) it's a little easier  if you
have someone around to share  your thoughts  with and bounce some ideas back
and forth.

In terms of  having to have a medical test that isn't pleasant, thinking
about it as something that is uncomfortable is realistic. It is helpful for
me in  a situation like this to focus on the fact that the pain or
discomfort of the procedure is one small segment of your life and that the
discomfort is finite and will only last a short time.

Likewise in situations of great loss, it is easier to accept that the event
has occured and that we cannot change that fact. Acknowledge the memories
when they occur, but find things to do so that the memories do not consume
consume your whole life  after a period of grieving.

When it comes to longer term pain, I find that breathing and relaxation
exercises help a lot.

Don't know about anxiety regarding surgery (Best wishes Gareeth)

I sincerely hope that you are able to find something that is helpful to you
Diane.

Craig

TV shows on DVD, exercise when possible, searching for something cheap
but nice on ebay for my daughter (this can sometimes end up as a lot of
research and following leads, which can kill a couple of hours until
it's time to do something else, like sleep), and when all else fails:
Atavan! :)

Once again we have an excellent topic that has brought forth all these
ideas.

For anyone who hasn't done the ASMP (arthritis self management plan) or read
the book or read about pain control - these ideas are pain control ideas
too.

The thing is that pain is in a cycle.  In order to stop or relieve some pain
you need to break the cycle.  Don't have my book so might not have this in
order or might forget somethings but basically.

You have pain, you tighten up your muscles to protect that area, this causes
more pain, lose sleep, depression, anger, helplessness, tighten muscles,
causes pain.  Sort of along that line.

So imagine gripping a pencil tight.  When you do that you don't just tighten
your hands you tighten your shoulders etc.  Any tight grip will cause a
little pain in even a normal person.

So you can cut the pain cycle at many spots.  The anxiety exercises we were
talking about will cut some of the pain a little.  If you can stop the anger
you lose some of that tightness.  Cutting any of this anxiousness, relaxing
etc can get you more sleep.

Relaxation exercises are incredible.

If anyone wants me to I don't mind writing some of the pain distraction
exercises or the things to do to lesson pain (some of which all of us know
but again forget to do or if you haven't been in a flare for a while might
not have been practicing (that darn word again).  This way people could add
to the other ideas too.

Thanks Diane.  People's ideas always help me and it also helps me to put in
words what I do everyday.  Reminds me that I have to keep at it.

Kelly

And it hit me Tuesday evening that I left out what is most vital for me in
stress control - music.  It's something different for everyone, but the two
biggies for me are music and a beautiful outdoors location.

We've had enough exposure to excellent live music since we moved that it just
slipped my mind but we were very aware of its lack for a while there.  When
we started making the trek to the opera in Chicago (long and rather difficult
from Hillman) our mutual reaction to the first performance was "this is what
our souls have been starving for".  We actually said those words to each
other.  I remembered that during some exceptionally beautiful arias Tuesday
night.  Stuff like that is such an effective stress reducer for both of us
that it lingers for months.

Most people have something or another that is equally as effective against
stress and exosing yourself to whatever that is on a regular basis
strengthens you for those more stressful times.  

I'm afraid that sometimes, I don't very well.  I'm not very good with pain -
you know, that low level ache that pervades all of your body.  I've been
pretty bad the past couple of days.  It's probably first day of PT out of
whack type of time.