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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Arthritis / April 2008Hello again.. family question..ranting a little
Sorry if this post isn't very clear but I do have to ask. Does anyone here have trouble with family understanding what you go through with Arthritis or auto immune dis? I have family that thinks I should just get up and get going..ie clean my house, go run a mile, do the yard..ect..and when I say family it is my mother...I have asked her for help on several occasions..like three weeks ago when I got out of the hospital..I feel like I am on my own most of the time with no family support. I was in the hospital for cardiac related stuff...I had a mild heart attack. just ranting a bit > Sorry if this post isn't very clear but I do have to ask. Does anyone here > have trouble with family understanding what you go through with Arthritis [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > time with no family support. I was in the hospital for cardiac related > stuff...I had a mild heart attack. just ranting a bit Hi Rhonda, I have been dealing openly with my family for over 30 years and they sometimes still do not understand what is taking place.... I guess you just have to be there. Harv Sorry if this post isn't very clear but I do have to ask. Does anyone here have trouble with family understanding what you go through with Arthritis or auto immune dis? I have family that thinks I should just get up and get going..ie clean my house, go run a mile, do the yard..ect..and when I say family it is my mother...I have asked her for help on several occasions..like three weeks ago when I got out of the hospital..I feel like I am on my own most of the time with no family support. I was in the hospital for cardiac related stuff...I had a mild heart attack. just ranting a bit (((((((((((((((((((rhonda))))))))))))))))) that's what we're here for, hon. it's difficult, whether you are on the physically hurting side of illness or the observer's side of it. just like some of us can go through denial about our illnesses, some of the people we love and who love us can go into denial about our illnesses. they hurt, emotionally, while watching us hurt, physically and emotionally. kate oh, and i meant to add that, sometimes, denial shuts people down. then they simply can't let themselves recognize/acknowledge the illness without feeling their own pain about it all. people have a tendancy to try to avoid pain, if they can. that's not to say that you don't deserve to have your own reality recognized/ acknowledged and validated. but maybe (and i can't say for sure this will work), recognizing/acknowledging and validating theirs will help you get what you need? kate Sorry if this post isn't very clear but I do have to ask. Does anyone here have trouble with family understanding what you go through with Arthritis or auto immune dis? I have family that thinks I should just get up and get going..ie clean my house, go run a mile, do the yard..ect..and when I say family it is my mother...I have asked her for help on several occasions..like three weeks ago when I got out of the hospital..I feel like I am on my own most of the time with no family support. I was in the hospital for cardiac related stuff...I had a mild heart attack. just ranting a bit (((((((((((((((((((rhonda))))))))))))))))) that's what we're here for, hon. it's difficult, whether you are on the physically hurting side of illness or the observer's side of it. just like some of us can go through denial about our illnesses, some of the people we love and who love us can go into denial about our illnesses. they hurt, emotionally, while watching us hurt, physically and emotionally. kate Hmm.. something to think about...That could be true.. I haven't thought of it in that way. I just wish she were here for me like she is my sister..she took care of her and everything when she had her hysterectomy. but when I get down with a flare or like three weeks ago she acts like I should still be able to get up and keep going..when I temporaraly can't. > oh, and i meant to add that, sometimes, denial shuts people down. then > they [quoted text clipped - 34 lines] > > kate But a hysterectomy is *visible*. And it will heal and she will get better. We gimps are stuck in that invisible disability that drags on and on forever... or so it seems. People just don't get it. Go bopping into the store after parking in a handicapped spot- see the sometimes ugly looks you get. You won't come bopping out again after walking all over the store pushing a heavy cart around or trying on clothing or shoes- and you couldn't even bop into the store if you had to park waaaayyy over yonder. But people don't think like that- you parked there so you *could* walk around and do your shopping. It's a darn shame. Best wishes for better days and some compassion and understanding for you. Leslie > Hmm.. something to think about...That could be true.. > I haven't thought of it in that way. [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] >> >> kate I have a couple of friends who don't ask me to go places with them very often and I know it's because I can't keep up with them on shopping trips, etc. On the other hand, there is another friend who is very solicitious of me when we are out together and is willing to stop and sit for a few minutes when I need temporary rest. You just have to accept people for what they are and what they are able to contribute. Some are selfish, others are afraid of sickness. and even more just don't get that they don't have to do or say anything, but only be there for us. I believe your mother fits Kate's description and just can't stand the thought of you being ill. Don't let it get you down. Ann Yeah, I am starting to think that myself. I really didn't see it that way but it does add up. I know if one of my kids were sick or had some problem I would be there, but she is the type to deny(sp?) a problem. So I can look at it that way and try to educate her and then sit back and wait for her to make the move. Thats really all I can do. Thanks to all of you to help me look at this in another way. >I have a couple of friends who don't ask me to go places with them very > often and I know it's because I can't keep up with them on shopping [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Don't let it get you down. > Ann I've got a mild cold temporarily distracting my immune system, so I'm going to weigh in a bit belatedly In addition to the whole thing about anyone not wanting to accept that someone they love is chronically ill, I think my own behavior sometimes complicates me getting consideration or help from my mom. I often "tough it out" around her, not wanting her to feel any worse about the wayward genes they passed on to me. Also, because she can get TOO solicitous, sweet though it is. But then when I really need the help it can throw her a bit. I think finding that balance between helping, but not too much and showing our pain, but not too much is incredibly tricky for anyone. I still don't understand how Mike and I work it out so well - I guess it's just basic compatibility!  SignatureNann remove the Gator cheer to email me Change everything. Love & forgive. > Yeah, I am starting to think that myself. I really didn't see it that way > but it does add up. I know if one of my kids were sick or had some problem I [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] >> Don't let it get you down. >> Ann Yeah I do Rhonda, but my hubby is trying harder. My boys have JRA, CFS, FMS, and it looks like they might also have the adrenal issues and thyroid issues but because they are young and it hasn't hit them like it has me being older and all, they don't seem to take it seriously either. My in laws don't understand it at all either. So I just give it up and don't talk much to any of them about it. But I find alot of people don't understand or get it unless they have it. ;-) I know that isn't much help. But I do so understand what you are going thru with it and your mom not understanding or believing you. Oh Rhonda, I hope you heal quickly from the heart attack. I can see why you had it with all the stress you have been dealing with lately. I feel for you and my heart goes out to you. You take care and try to keep calm and take it hour by hour if you have too. SignatureLove and Hugs to all Jo the squirrely one I am nuts about you. > Sorry if this post isn't very clear but I do have to ask. Does anyone here > have trouble with family understanding what you go through with Arthritis [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > time with no family support. I was in the hospital for cardiac related > stuff...I had a mild heart attack. just ranting a bit Yep.. I am doing better.. trying to eat right now and control my prednisone munchies that I get.My stressors have lessen. Hubby has really helped me with that by taking on more responsiblity of taking care of the boys and their activities. My doc wants me off pred because of the heart stuff but I have been on it so long that he worries about taking me off of it altogether. I take 5mg a day for the last 6 years. I did get a heart association book that talks about whats good to eat and how much. I am at risk of diabetes as well. So I am trying to nip it in the bud so to speak. I did hear that dark chocolate has flavanoids in it so would everyone think it is a heath food???(wink) Thanks for understanding..just having someone to understand makes me feel like I am not the only one. > Yeah I do Rhonda, but my hubby is trying harder. My boys have JRA, CFS, > FMS, and it looks like they might also have the adrenal issues and thyroid [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] >> the time with no family support. I was in the hospital for cardiac >> related stuff...I had a mild heart attack. just ranting a bit I am glad you are doing better. I hope you do well on the foods for heart health. I had Jim on them for a few years and then when I got so bad I couldn't do the cooking or shopping any more, now he gets whatever he wants to. He had a heart attack back in 96. It does help when you have others that do understand. SignatureLove and Hugs to all Jo the squirrely one I am nuts about you. > Yep.. I am doing better.. trying to eat right now and control my > prednisone munchies that I get.My stressors have lessen. Hubby has really [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Thanks for understanding..just having someone to understand makes me feel > like I am not the only one. |
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