ROTFL!  these are great, esp. the replaced heart.  But anything about
doctors' handwriting reminds me of when Dr Jaffe was a resident at Shands and
we'd call him to decipher some of the orders he'd written and he couldn't
read them himself.  He'd have to go back to his notes and work out what he
wanted done.

then there were the family conferences we used to have to decipher letters
from my family physician aunt...............

the dolphin/whale tattoo cracked me up!  i turned 60, so i now have a very
old promise to myself to keep.  it's tattoo time.  but i'm not going to get
the leaping dolphin over my eyebrow that i thought i was going to, back when
i was 40.LOL  maybe a small daisy over my right wrist.

kate

----- Original Message -----
From: Tom Walker
Sent: Wednesday, March 05, 2008 7:52 AM

    Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being
    discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
    elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a
    suitcase at his feet -- who insisted he didn't need my help to
    leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he
    reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I
    asked if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's
    still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
    ***************

    Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the
    wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his
    toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. Several
    times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed
    was a moment of deep emotion. But after a particularly long pause,
    he explained, "I'm sorry. I can't seem to make out what I've
    written down."  Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is
    there a pharmacist in the house?"
    ***************

    Fitness center applicants at my hospital are queried about their
    medical problems. One man wrote "None" on the application form
    where it asked whether he had any cardiac problems. When a huge
    surgical scar was noticed on his chest, he was asked, "What is
    that from?"
    "I used to have problems with my heart, but it was replaced last
    year," the man answered calmly.
    ****************

    I was making rounds one morning with a physician when we were
    interrupted by a co-worker who inquired about a patient's diet.
    "Mrs. Jones does nothing but complain about her food," said my
    co-worker. "She says the coffee tastes like mud."
    "Well, it should," the doctor quipped. "It was fresh ground just
    this morning."
    **************

    My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a
    15-year-old male patient. The bedside phone rang, and the boy's
    mother reached over to pick it up. After talking for a few
    minutes, the mother held the phone aside, turned to her son and
    said, "Your dad is asking if you've got any cute nurses."
    The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised above his
    arm, ready for insertion. "Tell him," he replied, "they're
    absolutely gorgeous."
    *******************

    Employed as a dental receptionist, I was on duty when an extremely
    nervous patient came for root-canal surgery. He was brought into
    the examining room and made comfortable in the reclining dental
    chair. The dentist then injected a numbing agent around the
    patient's tooth, and left the room for a few minutes while the
    medication took hold. When the dentist returned, the patient was
    standing next to a tray of dental equipment. "What are you doing
    by the surgical instruments?" asked the surprised dentist.
    Focused on his task, the patient replied, "I'm taking out the ones
    I don't like."
    *************

    As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working
    in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on
    her abdomen. "That sure is a pretty whale," I commented.
    With a smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."
    *****************

    After transporting hospital patients from one floor to the next, I
    stopped to chat with a new volunteer. "I work in patient
    transfer," I told him. "I push people around."

    Not the type to be one-upped, he countered, "I work at the
    information desk. I tell them where to go."

... Playing doctor is for kids; let's play gynecologist!
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12

Nann wrote:

Yesterday, my rheumy gave me two different samples and wrote
'scripts for both of them.

The pharmacists couldn't read the 'scripts - Mary had to run
out to the car and bring the samples in so the pharmacist
would know.  <g>

... Conference on Global Warming cancelled due to blizzard.
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12