"True" Friendship
 Enough of that Sissy Crap!

 Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems
 that always sound good,
 but never actually come close to reality?

 Well, here is a series of promises
 that actually speak of true friendship.

 You will see no cutesy
 little smiley faces on this card -

 Just the stone cold truth
 of our great friendship.

 1. When you are sad -- I will
 help you get drunk and plot revenge
 against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

 2. When you are blue -- I will
 try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

 3. When you smile -- I will
 know you are plotting something
 that I must be involved in.

 4 When you are scared -- I will
 rag on you about it every chance I get.

 5. When you are worried -- I will
 tell you horrible stories about
 how much worse it could be,
 until you quit whining.

 6. When you are confused -- I will
 use little words.

 7. When you are sick -- I will
 tell you to stay the hell away from me
 until you are well again.
 I don't want whatever you have.

 8. When you fall -- I will
 point and laugh at your clumsy a.s.

 This is my oath...
 I pledge it to the end.
 "Why?" you may ask.
 "Because you're my friend!"

 Friendship is like
 peeing your pants:
 Everyone can see it,
 but only you can
 feel the true warmth.

 Send this to 10
 of your closest friends,
 then get depressed
 because you can only think of 4