I know all of you wonder about Patty and how she is doing, so since I have
her permission I am forwarding her email.  Many of you have mentioned her in
the past.
Gwen

Hi  Gwen...
  WOW!!! Very cool! I love the castle and Snoopy on his dog house. Can you
imagine the patience these take? Yikes! That's something I'm sorely lacking,
these days LOL.
  How are you doing, Gwen? I so appreciate ALL your emails ... the funny
ones; the spiritual ones; the thoughtful ones...and, the ones sending hugs,
good thoughts, asking how I'm doing, even when I'm not being a very good
friend, myself. They all mean so much to me. You'll never know. I'm still
stuck in a really, really bad, sad, lonely place and can't seem to pull
myself out of it. Everytime I start to, something else in life comes along
to smack me (and the kids) upside the head. Then we start all over, again.
   At the moment, I've recently made a very difficult, heart wrenching
decision to close down Jeff's business. David and I busted our butts these
past months, trying to keep it going. It was Jeff's life dream, his baby,
his pride and joy for 21+ years...his legacy to us. But, David's a
firefighter. Running a business isn't his career goal, though he's done a
remarkable job. And, I'm much too sick to give it the huge amount of time
required. We gave it our best shot. But, it's too much and it's killing us.
So, now, I'm trying to sell. Hoping to end up with enough money to support
these 4 kids, and, myself, for awhile longer, anyway.
  I recently turned 50, which wasn't too traumatic in light of the past 2
years horrors'. And, while I feel so old, sometimes, I realize 50 is still
pretty young. I have (hopefully) a long life ahead of me and do not want to
lose my home or lifestyle. I also still have 3 minor children to support,
and, all 4 of them, still live with me (thank God...I don't know what I'd do
without them!). I'm not looking to be rich. I'm hoping for enough to keep us
comfortable. Jeff had us very, very spoiled. We were so lucky he loved
taking such good care of us. I feel certain he's watching over us and knows
how hard we tried to keep his dream alive. I know he'd understand this awful
decision I've been forced into. Still, it hurts. Badly. Pushed into letting
go of the last Earthly bits of him, while quickly approaching his one year
anniversary in Heaven (December 10th).
  I can't believe it's been so long. I miss him so much it physically
hurts, almost all the time. I can't stand the thought of spending the rest
of my life without him...hate going through the many milestones our kids
still have coming, without him. Allison graduated high school, last June.
Jay will graduate, this June. Jeffrey starts high school in September. And,
David's getting his Associates Degree in May and will likely be hired
fulltime into his first official paid firefighter position within the next 2
months. He's very high on the list. Many people love my kids. But, noone
loves them the way Jeff and I do (did). Noone else shares my pride and
joy-filled heart, as they grow, mature and become who they're meant to be. I
feel Jeff nearby, often. But, it's not the same.
  I know you understand this 'aching for my husband' feeling, better than
most. So, I hope you don't mind me sharing a bit. My heart was particularly
heavy, today, due to some angst with the kids. Guess I just needed to say
some of this 'out loud.' The 'can's' email was the last in a series of
several received from you, today. I enjoyed each and every one, particularly
the spiritual ones. So, I thought I'd 'borrow your ear,' and also let you
know how much your friendship has meant to me all of these years,
particularly, the most recent, very difficult months. Especially, when I've
been isolating and terrible about keeping in touch. I appreciate that you're
still here for me. You're a wonderful friend! I pray for you, everyday,
Gwen. You're part of my heart : )
  Let me know how you are when you have a free minute, okay?  I miss you
and all my dear ones at ASA. Just don't know when I'll have the energy to
read/post, again. I hope it's soon. I need to get back to you all...some of
the most amazing people I've ever known. (If anyone ever asks for me, it's
okay to share my email. Please do extend my love to all, if you think of it,
when posting. I pray for ALL of you, daily.)
   Sleep well, dear one.
     Love, Patty oxoxo

*************************************************************************
The next time you feel that God can't use you, just remember
Noah was a drunk.
Jacob was a liar.
Zaccheus was too small.
Abraham was too old.
Jeremiah & Timothy were too young.
David had an affair and was a murderer.
Elijah was suicidal.
Jonah ran from God.
Peter denied Christ.
The Disciples fell asleep while praying.
AND
Lazarus was dead!