Kate, I understand perfectly the irrational fear that can overcome us
after a trauma.  For years after a major car wreck in which I was a
passenger, I insisted on doing the driving no matter how far or who I
was with.  I'm still not completely comfortable with someone else
driving (control freak?).   How about installing hand rails just outside
the door?  When you open the door you can grab on to a rail with one
hand and if you have to turn around to close the door, you can hang on
to the other rail with the other hand?  Just a suggestion to make it
safer.

Ann

thanks, ann.  i don't think you are a control freak at all.  you were just
trying to feel more comfortable with the uncertainty of the unexpected.
isn't it amazing how easy it is to develop a fear of something and how much
effort it takes to get rid of that fear?

it's a good suggestion.  i've been having that particular dialog with my
son, nephew and nephew-in-law about some kind of grab bar for that doorway.
does anybody know if there are any grab bars or grab rings made of brass or
gold colored metal, or even wood, that can be purchased?  i haven't
researched that, yet.  but, if there isn't, would a bath towel bar or ring
be strong enough?   i've thought about putting a piece of galvanized pipe
inside a towel bar's brass tube to make it stronger, if that were not the
case.

during that same discussion, my son wanted to build a ramp for that doorway,
which was endearingly amusing to me, because the step is only 4 inches.
but, knowing me as i do, a ramp would probably insure my falling again,
after 32 years of my conditioned knowing there is a 4-inch step there.  but,
i'm probably not the only one who generally walks with my eyes focused ahead
of me, and not always down.

odd when i think of it, the front door has a very small porch with the same
height step down onto the concrete path to my mailbox and i've never fallen
there.  come to think of it, so does the doorway from my breakfast nook to
my patio have a 4" step, as does the doorway from the livingroom to the
patio, i've never fallen going out any of those either.  but i've fallen
dozens of/countless times, over the years, going out that mudroom to carport
doorway.  i wonder why?  (now, i'm analyzing--all the doors to the outside
open from right to left and inwards. so, that's not it.)  that seems very
strange.  there has to be a logical reason for why i only fall going out
that particular doorway.  maybe it's a malevolent doorway?LOL

kate

Kate, can any kind of adaptation be made at that step to make is safer for
you.  If not a handrail, maybe a grab bar on the wall like you would see in
a bath tub?

You need something to make you feel safer and be safer as well.  I hate
steps of any kind and avoid them when ever possible.  Especially stepping
down.  And the one I hate the most is the one going from the house out into
the garage.

Jo

reading this made me chuckle at myself, jo.  after what i just wrote in
reply to ann's comment, it makes me think i should hate the "malevolent"
mudroom/carport doorway step.LOL  i've never even thought about hating it.
i just figured i was a klutz.

yep.  i've been thinking, with a lot of "encouragement" from the young males
in my life, about a grab bar.  i need to start looking for a brass one.
lots of times (a small percentage of the time), though, i've fallen there
while carrying things outside.  might have to adapt that carrying process,
too.  i mean, adapt being able to even use the bar while carrying something
outside.  thanks, jo.

kate

I like Ann's suggestion of handrails by the doorway. Painting the door and
doorjam may help you visually get over the fear - but the handrails would
give me the safer feeling. Knowing that if I start to fall I can grab
something. We're eventually going to install a ramp out front because I hate
going down those stairs. I always "know" I'm going to fall.

DeeTee

i do, too, deetee and the idea has been in my thoughts.  i'm trying to
figure out the practicalities and functionality of placement, though those
issues are probably the least problematical and will be resolved upon
installation.  and too, i really don't want something that looks
institutional or odd, when approaching one my home's two front entries.
inside my home, i don't mind being odd at all.<smile--double entendre
intended>  i want something that coordinates at least a little, even if it
is only in the materials used.

i think i know how you feel about your steps.  my kid sister owns/lives in a
split-level, for the past 15 or so years.  and from the moment they first
moved into it, whenever i visited, i dreaded just getting up and into her
living area.  alex helped them install a stair handrail a couple of years
ago.  up until then, i felt like i was crawling up their stairs and
wall-hugging going down them.

kate

I agree with the idea of the handrails.  That is the only thing I like about
the rental house we are in right now.  there are handrails everywhere and I
am finding they are helping with that fear of falling as well.  My balance
has been off a bit since the neuro crap and I never really feel right.  Have
been working a lot to get it back - I have always managed to have excellent
balance and have excellent posture.  The posture is still there but the
balance still has a bit to go.

I am trying some core pilates from a chair right now and it is helping a
little.  It was a tape from chapters.  I desperately need that feeling of
security so I can understand what you are saying.

I am impressed with the sound of your pt.  Great to hear how far you have
come without her though Kate.  Doesn't surprise any of us though!

Thinking of you,
Kelly

thanks, sweetie.  i'm pleased that your current home is so well suited to
your needs.  that's a blessing!  it sounds like a small piece of heaven,
from the standpoint of comfort and functionality.

my own good posture and most of my balance kind of went kaboom with the
head-on car wreck when i was 23 (as did my well-toned bod. the last of body
pride, my tight abs that were so toned that i didn't even get any
stretchmarks during pregnancy, went out with the lop-sided c-section at 28.
i worked soooo hard trying to get that back, but to no avail.  and we all
know that a weak and/or flabby tummy area weakens one's back, which i'm sure
is part of my spinal issues).  i finally conceded that there were simply too
many injuries back then that affected my body mechanics in a cascading way.
i've always had a gym membership since my 20s, still do to this day, but
never could recover completely no matter how much effort i put into it nor
what trainer was helping me nor what program; and i'm just speaking of form,
not function.  kinda gave up on getting it all back, finally, when i hit my
late 40s--just too stubborn to admit defeat all those years--and in a way,
it was a relief for me to let the self-pressure go.

but my balance issue has worsened with this particular injury and maybe that
can be improved/recovered a little with the help of this pt.  i'm hopeful
that my strength and stamina can be recovered and function can be improved.
we'll seeeee . . .<smile>

kate

Kate, there is a step down from the door to the room I'm usually in most of
the time to the floor in the enclosed patio.  Coming from the patio into the
inside room is where I fell and broke my ankle.  I am very careful every
time I go either way; I look at my feet and hold on to the side of the door.
Guess I'm a wuss too!  I totally understand your fear.  And my balance has
been way bad since I got sick last October.  And I couldn't stand on one leg
even before then.
Hope and pray that by the time you finish rehab, all of these problems will
go completely away.
Gwen

thanks, gwenie.  you really did have such a rough year last year, sweetie.
i'm so glad last year is behind you.

boy, you really do understand.  i'm doing exactly the same thing you do with
your patio doorway.  i feel like i'm clutching the doorjamb for dear life,
when i'm generally one who just confidently bops about without thinking
about it, after i've decided on and made my adaptations a part of my
functioning.

y'know . . .smell smoke?   maybe i need to rethink things . . . and just
decide on an adaption and make it part of my functioning (maybe i'll talk to
my pt about it and see if she can determine a good body mechanics adaptation
for going through that doorway, though a grip bar is still a good idea.).
then, there is no problem.  i'm thinking the  fear is based in my own
uncertainty about what to do to help myself function better, with more
ease/confidence, going out that doorway.  the rest of it is not really a
problem--the bone break, which is almost healed now, and rehab--just
transitory stuff.

kate

This is such a good thread - thanks for starting it Kate.  I love some of
the ideas coming out of it and am always cheered by the fact people have the
same fears as I do (sick I know.)

It doesn't help any that after accidents or near accidents or even with our
disabilities that we tend to tense in certain situations.  Doesn't help the
pain or the injuries when we fall.

Anyhow keep with all these ideas - I am writing them down for myself.

Nann - on another note glad to hear you are okay.  Was watching the
newsgroup carefully.  Drat that they didn't find the problem though after
all that!

kelly

First off, I don't think you are at all nuts for your fears of falling.
After I broke my wrist and finally healed enough that he gave me permission
to ride my bike again, I found I'd almost come to a complete stop at
anything
that might potentially be slick.  That included grass and weed clippings on
sidewalks and roadways of which there were no shortage then. Eventually
worked out of it, but it was an issue - and my injury was much less than
what
you've been through in the past few years.

***so, you've been there, too.  w0w!  i didn't realize that people i know
experienced the same kind of residuals after injuries.  duhhh . . .  but, in
my defense, i don't think anybody's ever mentioned it.    btw, sweetie,
please don't minimize your wrist injuries by comparing them to mine.  yours
were horrendous, as i recall your recount of your surgery and recovery
experiences.  i suspect yours was equally as bad.  and besides, we can't sit
and compare xrays through a cpu, can we..<smile>***

Now then, in addition to some handrail, how about putting one of those
padded, rubber mats on the carport concrete?  Maybe even a runner rather
than
a mat so you are covered for a greater distance.  Then you both have
something softer than concrete there AND you're stepping onto a surface with
better grip than the concrete.

***i certainly wouldn't have thought of that!  that's a great idea!  my pt
mentioned that i should get one inch thick rubber cushioned mats for my
kitchen, to help my joints and spine when standing at the stove or sink.
but, this break wasn't the result of a slip, nor impact (the wrist was
impact).  my ankle did a wobbly thing and gave out, the twisting motion as i
fell broke it before i hit the ground.  i hit the ground after the snapping
sound.  but the wobbly thing was the same in both instances, causing the
fall.  my knee used to do the same kind of thing, and making me fall, for as
long as 15-20 years after my car wreck; then it suddenly stopped doing that.
ortho said it was my menial meniscus, but he couldn't fix it.  so, i guess
it healed itself.  i broke my leg/mallalus in '78, because of that knee
giving out. ***

And maybe some of those interlocking plastic/vinyl/rubber/whatever it is
tiles for the floor of your shower?   There are big gaps in them for water
to
drain out, but even with soap on them they aren't slick.  They use them on
the floor of the steamroom and sauna of our gym in Florida and in the
showers
of lots of campgrounds I've stayed in lately.  Some are less kind to feet
than others though, so give thema good checking out.  I know I've seen them
in ads, but not sure where.  I imagine a home DIY store would have that sort
of thing.

***gee, my gyms's must have been cheap companies.  even my current gym,
which is brand new, doesn't have anything but ceramic tile in the showers
and our sauna floors are wood.  wish i knew what these mats look like.  will
have to check that out.  my shower is a neo-angle though.  so, i'd probably
have to take a utility knife to the mats to make them fit.  still, it's
another great idea! (how do you clean them, y'know, to cut down on mold and
bacterial factors?)  i have to check that out, too.***

And stick with your new, good PT person.  We want this falling to stop once
and for all, and maybe she'll really save you from some others pains as
well!

***yes, ma'am.  will do.  i do too!  think i'll go shopping for mats today.
thanks for your super ideas, nann!!!!

kate