Area: FIDONEWS
 Msg#: 4957
 Date: 07-30-07  05:39
 From: Fidonews Robot
   To: All
 Subj: FidoNews 24:31 [04/07]
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                     CLEAN HUMOUR & JOKES
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                        Terror alert change
                          From Frank Vest

"In the face of recent terrorist activity you may be comforted to know
the BRITISH are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved".

Soon, however, security levels may have to be raised again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
Nuisance".

The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was
during the great fire of London in 1666.

The FRENCH government also announced yesterday that it had raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". This latest rise was
precipitated by a fire that destroyed France's White Flag factory
effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

In addition to the British and the French, ITALY has increased its
alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military
Posturing". Two more levels remain "Ineffective Combat Operations" and
"Change Sides".

The GERMANS have also increased their alert status from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They too
have two higher levels "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

BELGIANS on the other hand are all on holiday as usual and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

Finally the SPANISH are very excited as their new submarines are ready
to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so that
the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish
navy."
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