WEEKEND ANGER MANAGEMENT

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know. Take it out
on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten
to  make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying,
"Hello." I  politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with
Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing
number!" and he slammed down the phone.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided
to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a.shole!"
and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'a.shole' next to
it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was
paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
"You're an a.shole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'a.shole'
calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,
this is John Evans from the phone company. I'm calling to see if
you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
a.shole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy
in a black BMW cut me off and grabbed the spot I had been paintently
waiting for.

I blew my horn and the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale " sign
in  his back window; so I wrote down his number. A couple of days
later, right after calling the first a.shole (I had his number on
speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW a.shole, too.

I asked, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax. It's a yellow
rambler, and the car's parked right out in front." I asked, "What's
your name?" He  said, "My name is Don Hansen." I asked, "When's a good
time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after
five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" He said, "Yes?" I
said, "Don, you're an a.shole!" Then I hung up, and added his number
to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem: I had two a.sholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called a.shole #1.

He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an a.shole!" (But I didn't hang
up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah." He screamed, "Stop calling me."

I replied, "Make me."

He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said,
"Yeah?  Where do you live?" I said, "a.shole, I live at 34 Oaktree
Blvd , in Fairfax, a yellow rambler. I have a black Beamer parked in
front." He said, "I'm coming over right now,
Don.  And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah,
like
I'm really scared, a.shole," and hung up.

Then I called a.shole #2.

He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, a.shole." He yelled, "If I ever find
out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He said, "I'll kick your
a.s,  %&#@"

I answered, "Well, a.shole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
now."  Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over
there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree
Blvd. in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there
just in time to watch two a.sholes beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter, and surrounded
by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.