The 'Rules of the South' ARE as follows!!!

01.)   Pull your droopy pants up.  You look like an idiot.

02.)   Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

03.)   Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
I drive a pickup truck because I want to.  No matter how
slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus.
Drive it or get out of the way.

04.)   They are cattle.  That's why they smell to you.  They
smell like money to us.  Get over it.  Don't like it?
I-40 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south.
Pick one.

05.)   So you have a $60,000 car.  We're impressed.  We
have $825,000 cotton-pickers that are driven only 3 weeks
a year.

06.)   So every person in the south waves.  It's called being
friendly.  Try your best to comprehend the concept.

07.)   If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are
coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.  You better
hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

08.)  OH YEAH, we eat catfish &; crawfish.  You really
want sushi & caviar?  It's available at the corner bait
shop.

09)  The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the
first of November.

10. We open doors for women.  That is applied to ALL women,
regardless of age or beauty.

11.)   No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.  Order
steak.  Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the
2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12.)   When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes:
meats, vegetables, and breads.  We use three spices: salt,
pepper, and plenty of ketchup!  Oh, yeah.... We don't care
what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat...
IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13.)   You bring "coke" into my house, it better be BROWN,
WET and SERVED OVER  ICE  You bring "MARY JANE" into
my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck,
and have long PRETTY hair.

14.)   College and High School Football is as important
HERE as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more
fun to watch.

15.)   Yeah, we have golf courses.  But don't hit the water
hazards -- it spooks the fish.

16.)   Colleges?  We have them all over.  We have State
Universities , and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an
education plus a love for God and country, and they still
wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

17.)   We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force,
and Marines.  So don't mess with us.  If you do, you will
get whipped by the best.

18.)   Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-
thump crap ain't music, it's just a lotta NOISE.  We don't
want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers!
Refer back to #1!

A true southerner will send this to at least 10 others, if not
the whole email list!!!