How to do well when visiting the sick
By Leslie Garcia

Unlike going to Paris or eating waffles, being in the hospital doesn't tend
to be a can't-wait-to-do-it again activity.

Chances are, you hurt. You're not in the perkiest frame of mind. You're not
at your cutest either.

The last thing you need is a visitor telling how his former neighbor (or was
it his barber? His bowling buddy?) spent time in the hospital once and
contracted a horrible disease from the water glass (or was it a paper
towel?).

Or a visitor who wants to share all sorts of treatments she found on the
Internet for your ailment. Or the one who can't stop coughing.

No. What these well-meaning visitors need is a bit of information. The art
of the hospital visit, if mastered, can create happiness, not havoc. Thus,
we offer our assistance to you, the visitor. With it, we hope the patient
will remember your kindness for showing up, not your insensitivity for
staying three hours.

Here's a guide to help you be the best visitor you can be.

What to leave at home
Small children.

Most everyone but yourself. Yes, that includes extended family members.

Cell phones.

Your curiosity. Do not ask the patient intimate questions about his or her
condition.

The basics
Call the patient or a family member to make sure it's OK to visit.

Not everyone wants to be seen wearing a flimsy hospital gown with no back.
Or being within arm's reach of a bedpan. Or having tubes stuck here and
there.

Stay home if you're sick.

"You're just bringing in germs, and that's not good for anybody," says Jane
Alberico, director for organizational development at Medical City Dallas.
"Not the patient, or other patients, or the health-care providers."

Wash your hands.

Do it when you get there, before going into the room, and after you leave
the room, Alberico says. "It's the best thing you can do to avoid spreading
infection."

Remember, medical staff has priority.

If someone's in the room wearing a lab coat, say you'll return when he or
she is finished.

Don't forget them once they leave the hospital.

"We visit people in the hospital, but when they go home, we forget about
them," says Terry Long, director of nursing administration, emergency and
trauma services for Presbyterian Hospital of Dallas. "They're used to having
somebody 24 hours a day check on them. Offer to swing by, to pick up
groceries or food for their dog."

Don't stay more than an hour; 20 to 45 minutes is much easier to handle.

What to bring:
Patience.

Limit distractions and let the patient know you're not in a rush to get
somewhere else if you're invited to stay.

Greeting cards.

Sure, it sounds simple, but after you leave, the patient can look at the
card and be reminded of your visit.

Food, but only after you've checked with a family member. Long suggests
something like a cof fee mug containing hard candies. They're good to share
and helpful if the patient's mouth is dry.

Something personal.

Does your neighbor in the hospital love your roses? Then bring a small
bouquet, he says. Call the hospital first, though, to make sure the patient
can have flowers.

Common sense.

If the patient seems tired, or if other visitors arrive, excuse yourself.

THE QUIZ
1. You feel like dirt; you look worse. Who would you like to visit you in
the hospital?

A. People who go to your church whom you have never met.

B. One or two friends and family members at a time.

C. The cousin you had a falling out with in 1979.

D. Hordes of people who will stand above you like skyscrapers, talk to each
other and pay little or no attention to you.

2. You are visiting a friend in the hospital. What would be an appropriate
gift to take?

A. A latex balloon. After all, isn't it an old wives' tale that thousands of
people are allergic to latex?

B. A sliced ham. Surely she's not on a low-salt diet.

C. A book you particularly like.

D. A huge potted plant, perfect for a tiny hospital room.

3. You have had surgery and are not feeling well. What sounds particularly
helpful for visitors to do?

A. Wear a lot of perfume.

B. Talk on cell phones.

C. Sit quietly next to you and hold your hand.

D. Eat a fast-food taco at your bedside.

(We can only hope your answers were 1. b, 2. c, 3. c)