Hi all.  Well, I held out to the last minute and finally got a job
that will forever change my resume.  As of May 14 I am a supervisor
with a taxi company here in Calgary.  I now have over 600 people under
my direct supervision.  Quite a change from only having to manage a
handfuls.  I've made a much larger salary, but I did get a company
vehicle and fuel card which is worth it's weight in gold.  Full
benefits after 3 months etc. etc.

My dilemma is this.  How much is enough.  I'm a very soft hearted
(lately I'm thinking soft headed as well), compassionate person and
really want to do all I can when someone needs help.  For the last 7
weeks I've allowed my nephew (whom I hardly know...any one that knows
me here, knows that I found my birth family a few years ago), to live
here in my tiny basement apartment.  I'm the type of person who really
needs a certain amount of space.  He is schizophrenic and has a few
oddities in his behaviors.  I freely confess that despite researching
the condition, I STILL don't understand him and I can't relate to him
in any meaningful way.  

This has been driving me absolutely nuts and it's only getting worse.
He and his mother (my sister) were supposed to have found a place to
live by the end of last month.  That didn't happen.  Then it was going
to be the fifteenth of this month.  Security deposit was paid and the
place was supposed to be theirs.  The fifteenth comes and goes and
he's still freakin' here.  Last night my neighbor upstairs calls me
and wants to show me some weird things she found by the back door.
He's been writing stuff on envelopes that I had laying on the
desk...apparently he couldn't see the note pad laying fairly close by,
but whatever...maybe he like writing on envelopes.  None of what was
written made any sense to me, but the line that was the problem was
"don't hurt her".  Naturally this freaked her out just a bit seeing as
she's a single mom.  I was just relieved she called me and not the
police.  I confronted him with the envelopes and he denied any
knowledge of them.  I'm not stupid, but decided that the course of
prudence lay in letting the matter drop after suggesting very very
pointedly that while I think writing your feelings out on paper can be
very therapeutic, it's best to keep them private rather than laying
around the door step for anyone to see.  I then phoned my sister, yet
again and asked her if it was possible for him to do something and
have no memory of it later.  She said yes it is, and commented that
the stress must be causing him some problems.  I agreed that this
situation is definitely stressful and he's not the only one having
problems with it.  

I then told her very directly to get him the hell out of here.
Tonight I told him that I simply couldn't take this anymore and that
he was to find a room that he could move into immediately.  Now he's
all worried that he's going to be out on the street.  I assured him
that I wasn't going to do that, but that the end of the month is
precisely 12 days too many.  He's got it in his mind that you can only
move into a place on the first or the fifteenth of the month and I
tried to explain to him that although it might be the nineteenth, he
could still pay half a months rent and move in.  I haven't had a good
night's sleep in over 7 weeks...mostly because I only have one
bathroom and it's an en suite.  I defy anyone to sleep well when
someone goes trooping through your bedroom at 4:00 a.m. to pee.  Turns
on the light...doesn't fully close the bathroom door..etc.etc.  I feel
like I'm losing my mind and my poor cat is definitely showing signs of
neurosis.

This is interfering with my sleep, my peace of mind, my social life
(can't invite anyone over when someone is sleeping on the living room
floor...even though there IS a second bedroom...with a bed).  He
sleeps more than my cat.  The longest stretch occurred after
he went and got beer and sat watching tv and drinking till six in the
morning.  He didn't wake up more than to use the washroom (really bad
aim), for 37 hours.  Think maybe alcohol and whatever medication he is
on for his schizophrenia might have a bit of an interaction??

I felt I was doing the right thing by agreeing to let him stay here
for a month while they found a place of their own...but when is
enough, enough.  In all honesty I'm beginning to feel very used and
abused, and I don't know what to do.  I DO know what I'll never do
again....

Before anyone asks...no, there is no one else in the family that will
allow him into their home.  They've all been there and done that
already.  His mother is staying with her other son, but my nephew
isn't allowed in their house.  I feel very sorry for him, his
condition isn't his fault, or choice, but I'm afraid that after
this...he can add my name to the list of people NOT to ask.  Does that
make me a terrible person?

Thanks for letting me vent.

-- Lyn   (filethirteen@shaw.ca)  
     
        remember..."ASA" in subject line    

http://members.shaw.ca/Lynuplate/