Donna, I think you made a wise decision.  With the problems you have, you
must take care of yourself first.  I learned that in November when I was
first in the hospital.
If a person is not well, he/she doesn't need to over burden him/her self
trying to help someone else.

I was working in the childrens' department and also greeting  for a month at
the time at one of our entrance doors.  When I got out of the childrens'
department my feet were already hurting (sometimes my back) and after
greeting for 20 to 30 minutes, I could hardly wait to get in church and sit
down. When our childrens' minister came to the hospital to see me, I told
her I had to stop and she understood.  I determined then to learn to say
"no" when I'm asked to do something I think is not good for me.  If we don't
take care of ourselves, who will
Gwen

Dear Donna,

I think you did the best you could - an admirable thing, and there is
no need to feel you are being "selfish" for stepping back, taking a
breather and getting your own life back in order.  I certainly hope no
one is trying to make you feel guilty about this.

 Your charge's personality sounds very similar to that of my dear
mother's... and such was her personality for as long as I can
remember, it simply became more "acceptable", I suppose, when she took
to her bed and became totally incapacitated.

When that happened it soon became clear I could only care for her long
distance, staying with her  and Dad in their home no more than two
weeks at a time per month and by the time Dad became seriously ill a
few years later to keep them out of a nursing home I had to step back
completely and turn their care over to the only other relative willing
to help - (she had alienated everyone else).

We sold the house and moved them back down South where my cousin
built a cottage on family land for them, hired round the clock care -
Dad died a few months later and poor mom lost her anchor of 57 years.
Suddenly only one other person was left on earth who understood her,
didn't fall for the games and knew when to walk away but would always
be her daughter.(I'm an only child and was actually their foster
daughter who'd been with them since I was 18 months old but never
legally adopted after my biological brother who had been placed with
me had to be removed because of incorrigible behavior - I haven't seen
or heard from him since I was 16 and am now 52 -

Sadly my cousin and her family discovered what it was like to be her
whipping boys, but they all finally understood why I was commuting
between California and Chicago each month.

But most importantly, throughout it all, with Mom now gone, I know I
did the very best I could for her, that during the last year of her
life our relationship was peaceful and loving and before she passed
into her final coma, she promised on the phone that morning she would
wait til I got there from Arizona - and she kept her word, holding on
long enough til that evening to greet me by name.  The memory of the
next four days and nights by her bed will be with me for the rest of
this lifetime - it was an honor to be with her, I had dozed off, she
and I were alone in the room and she woke me in silence in time to
witness her passing. She was 83,

She had lived with so much anguish abuse and pain in her early life
and her family had sought to make her forget and hide it all from
outsiders by spoiling her rotten and the die had been cast in forming
a beautiful spoiled self-centered young woman accustomed to getting
her way no matter what.   She was always a girl at heart, and at her
best, a very sweet and kind hearted one, and I miss her a lot.  Even
the tantrums which later in life I lfinally earned to stop cold by
lightheartedly teasing her and mimicing her, which would make her
laugh in spite of herself.  All these years she wanted attention, who
said it had to be negative with arguments, when I surprised her by
planting a fat kiss then mimicing - not mocking, and started talking
about how naughtly she was, and how I bet she did that when she was
younger etc....  oh the skeletons that started tumbling out of the
closet, lol.  I was truly shocked.

Well, I started out with the intention of assuring you that stepping
away needn't imply selfishness and ended up sharing my Mom's last
years.  I'm glad you were able to assist your lady for the amount of
time you did - just like my Mom, no matter how difficult, she is still
worthy of care, even if it takes specially trained caregivers or
relays.  You've done more than your share - well done;^)

just keep reminding yourself that you can be more helpful to others in the
long term if you take reasonable care of yourself first!  (this is an issue
we face often in the clergy/clergy spouse circles!)

and this is a good instance for you to pull back some as there are others in
your church family who are helping - you pulling back is NOT leaving this
person without help.