My parents live in a retirement community in rural Connecticut that has
a range of accomodations from independent cottage to apartment to room
(senior dorm?). Since they're in a cottage, they have a kitchen, but
they could also eat in the dining room, and do for some meals. Even
though they're in the most independent of the living options, they
*must* get their mail in the main building and if they don't (and
haven't told staff they'll be away) someone will check on them. There
are panic buttons in the bathrooms, and probably other ways the "call
for help" could be made. Their place is quite affordable (no "luxury
amenities") and quite pleasant.

Wow, alot going on there.  Saying a quick prayer for your sister, you
and her extended family.

Has she gone to the local "Welfare" office?  There are adult programs
that are offered by the state (and in Colorado) those are generally at
the Department of Human Services.  Perhaps looking for Adult Services
in the yellow pages?  The "welfare office" should also have a list of
other places that can assist people.

There is a community here that has "apartments" within the main
building (with 24 hour staff) and then 'condos' around the main
building where people can have some autonomy (sp?).  Perhaps there is
something like that in her area?

She can also call the local hospital (or have the aide do it) and ask
if they are aware of any home health aides (they come in and clean,
cook meals, help the person with personal care).  My mom used to do
that when we lived in Maine.  Not sure what the cost would be for
that.

Maybe ask someone from the Hospice if they are aware any programs that
can get her companionship care?  I cannot for the life of me remember
what it's called, but there is a program here that pays for assisted
living type care for those who just need a little help with the day-to-
day stuff (non-medical care).

Smokie Darling (Annie) - hoping someone else has better options than
I've provided

Another suggestion, if she has friends that maybe looking for a "roomate"
who would be willing to help  her prepare her meals, house chores and
mobilty issues...while providing company in exchange for room and
board...thus allowing her to stay in her home...
I don't mean "hiring" a stranger...but rather a friend or relative that also
doesn't want to be alone and has a need for companionship...

My aunt had moved into an apartment that was small and had nursing support
if needed with emergency call buttons in each room...Sort of like Annie
said...
But I don't think it was equiped to take care of someone with as many needs
as your Sister...

Sending prayers for her and your family...
Hugs Cindy

Diane,

So sorry to hear all this. Sending hugs to all. With hospice involved with
the family, a hospice social worker should be able to help your sister
identify all the agencies/programs in the area which support independent
living, etc. They might also have info on supported living facilities.

Is your sister eligible for subsidized handicapped housing? My SIL is in one
in Rochester, NY. Depending on family income (especially if there is no
pension and no equity in her home), she should be eligible for some state
funded programs.

Lastly, there is also the option my mom and sister took - they sold both
there homes and moved into a much larger place together. Son and grand
daughter might consider that option.

Adelle

Diane,
Don't really have a lot of advice on the situation but just wanted to say
that I will keep your family in my prayers and hope for this to work out for
you all.  I know that a few have mentioned a community apartment, we have
that here and they get assisted in certain areas, but it is very expensive
here so not sure how much that costs out there, is also a program here
called Visiting Angels, and they help people come into the home and I have a
friend that works for a place that puts people in homes to help this sort of
thing, I am not sure what it is called, but maybe a hospice or the local
hospital could give you some information,
Good luck
Becky

sigh . . . ((((((((((((((((diane and family))))))))))))))  what a sad and
difficult situation.  my heart goes out to you and your sister.  i wish i
knew the answer, sweetie.

new jersey's home care resources, her local senior center, her local MS
association chapter (which might or might not fall under the blanket of a
larger charity organization) and medicare might be things to check out for
the kind of assistance your sister needs. maybe check for an MS newsgroup,
hopefully with members in new jersey, that might have some resource info to
offer?

kate

Boy, there are a lot of annoying spammy kind of messages lately!

I'm looking for suggestions here. My brother-in-law is still alive,
but deteriorating quickly and hospice is involved. He and my sister
also have a 24 hour aide which is a real God-send. My siblings and I,
though, are trying to figure out how to help my sister, who is 63,
after her husband dies. If you recall, she has severe MS. she uses a
scooter for everything. she can drive a special van. she can't walk at
all and has some limitation in the use of her arms and hands. her
brain is very, very sharp.

She lives in a one story home that ideally, she would love to stay in,
but that may be impossible. After her husband dies, she'll keep the
aide for a couple of months as she figures out what to do. She does
not require medical care at this time, but needs some "mobility
support "(getting into bed, preparing a meal, cutting food, reaching
stuff on higher / lower shelves... etc.), that sort of thing. does
anyone know what sort of service she needs and where we should look?
she's exploring adult residential communities that have lots of
activities--she is still so vibrant--but she has a real fear of being
alone--which she would be at night in her apartment in such a
community. some of it's realistic (fear of falling), some of it is
emotional (she's always been afraid of being alone). We've even
considered my older brother moving in with her, but that would require
him to retire from his job and leave the community he loves which is
an hour away from her. we've also considered having her move down here
to NC (she's in New Jersey) so she'd be close to me, but i'm afraid
that if I die (you never know. . . ) then she's stuck here, away from
her son and granddaughter. living with son is not an option. (house is
inaccessible).

anyhow, sorry to ramble, but i thought you all might have some ideas.
i lie awake at night worrying about this!

diane