Holy Moly! Just the thought makes my mouth hurt.:P

Kelly C.

Mike wrote:

 What are their SCOVILLE ratings?

 Bell Peppers............................0
 Jalapenos.........................5,000
 Tabasco..........................50,000
 Thai Chilies....................100,000
 Habaneros....................300,000
 Capsaicin.................16,000.000

Try some of these custom sauces, ranging up to 1,500,000, that
sell for 50 bucks an ounce:  Armadeddon, Spontaneous Combustion,
Acid Rain, Brain Damage, Great Bowels of Fire.

Or, Da Bomb, with a warning label:  BRAIN DAMAGE MAY OCCUR.

... Genealogists live in the past lane.

Mike wrote:

Retrieved from my 2000 FidoNet files....................

                                  Chili contest

 Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named Frank: "Recently I was

 honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in Texas,
to
 be  a  judge  at  a chili cook-off because no one else wanted to do
it.
 Actually the  original  person  called  in  sick  at  the  last
moment and I
 happened  to  be  standing  there  at the judge's table asking
directions
 to the beer wagon when  the call came. I was assured by the other
 two judges that the chil  wouldn't  be  all  that spicy, and besides
they
 told  me  I  could  have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted
this
 as being one of those burdens you endure when you're a writer and
 therefore known and adored by all."

    Here are the scorecards from the event:

    * Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

    JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

    JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor.  Very mild.

    FRANK: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove dried
paint
    from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames
out.
    Hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.

    * Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili

    JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno
    tang.

    JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
    seriously.

    FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am
    supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
   wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front
   of the beer line. The barmaid looks like a professional wrestler
after a
    bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging sounds that the
snake
   tattoo under her eye started to twitch. She has arms like Popeye
and a
   face like Winston Churchill. I will NOT pick a fight with her.

    * Chili # 3:  Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

    JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more
beans.

    JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.

    FRANK: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I've located the
    !?##?!?%???! uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been
sneezing
    Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so
I
    could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back;
now
    my backbone is in the front part of my chest. She said her friends
    call her "Sally." Probably behind her back they call her
"Forklift."

    * Chili # 4:  Bubba's Black Magic

    JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for
fish
    or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

    FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue but was unable
    to taste it. Sally was standing behind me with fresh refills so I

    wouldn't have to dash over to see her. When she winked at me, her
    snake sort of coiled and uncoiled... it's kinda cute.

    * Chili # 5:  Linda's Legal Lip Remover

    JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground
adding
    considerable kick. Very impressive.

    JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must
    admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

    FRANK: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I
    belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The
    contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me
    brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it
    from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges
    asked me to stop screaming.

    * Chili # 6:  Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

    JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
    spice and peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
    garlic. Superb.

    FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous
    flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. I
    asked if she wants to go dancing later.

    * Chili # 7:  Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

    JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili
    peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about
    Judge Number 3, he appears to be in a bit of distress.

    FRANK: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin
and
    I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one eye and the world
    sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered
with
    chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good, at
    autopsy they'll know what killed me. Go Sally, save yourself
before
    it's too late. Tell our children I'm sorry I was not there to
conceive
    them. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful and I'm not
    getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just let it in
through
    the hole in my stomach. Call the X-Files people and tell them I've
    found a super nova on my tongue.

    * Chili # 8:  Helen's Mount Saint Chili

    JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither
mild
    nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3
    fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself.

    JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for
    all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

    FRANK:   Momma??!!
 
 
... 100% of vegans born in 1900 are dead.

Hmmm.  This reads like "curry powder" to me.  Chilli powder to me is
just dried chillis ground/milled into powder.  Some are roasted before
they are "milled", others not.  

I use a lot of curry powder (chilli powder plus a variety of other
spices like cumin) for my curries.  :)

I like my meals -- especially my noodles with some hot chilli "heat".

Here is a handy recipe I use to add to my meals for that little bit of
chilli heat!  I find this better than tobasco.

I'm not too specific about measurements. :)

Heat some oil (half cup?) into the pan -- it depends on how much of this
chilli oil you want to make.

Add some minced garlic -- depends on how much garlic you like.

Fry till golden brown.  Turn the heat way down low.

Add in crushed chillies, chilli powder, sweet paprika powder -- as much
as you like but make sure you have enough oil to cover and stir the
powders.

Turn off the heat, and stir some salt into the chilli powders.  Hint:
the chilli powders cook very quickly. So be ready to move the pan off
the heat and let the chilli powders cook as the oil cools.  Pour into a
bottle and the chilli will keep for a while.  

Use the chilli oil only if you can't take hot chilli.

Voila!  Hope you find this useful.  :)