Mary Margaret!  I love this recipe!  I enter it into every cookbook
that I can.  It always get a laugh!

Vickie B>

LOL!  one problem.  see below:

"Cut up elephant into bite size pieces.  (This should take about four
months.)  Cook over kerosene at 525 degrees until tender (about 5 months)."

ok, this recipe sounded interesting and i wanted to try it.  but, i was
having trouble finding a grocery chain that carries fresh elephant.  by
phone, one of the chain store managers recommended i try pt.defiance zoo in
tacoma, as a resource.

however, due to limited supplies when they do have elephants, pt. defiance
zookeepers suggested i call the zoos, on a veterinarian database list with
which he provided me, that do have elephants.  who knew that not all zoos
have elephants?  in the process of trying to exhaust my use of this list, it
was becoming apparent to me that it was unlikely i'd succeed in finding what
i needed at a zoo, when one of the zoologists suggested i try calling
circuses.  he only had the cell phone numbers of a few circuses and
suggested i use the internet locate more circus numbers, if the numbers he
provided didn't fill my need.  (thank goodness for the internet and for cell
phones!  just imagine how hard it would have been to try to track down all
of these traveling circuses, otherwise!)

who knew that not all circuses have elephants?!  the very last circus i
called told me they had an older elephant they were going to retire from
service.  i asked if i could buy it, but the circus owner said it had
already been donated to a zoo and were preparing it for transport.  i knew
there were elephant graveyards, so i wondered if there also were elephant
retirement communities.  when i asked, the owner laughed and said he knew of
a few and gave me their numbers.  then he asked me why i wanted an old
elephant when he was certain it would be very tough meat for my stew and
would take much, much longer to cook, possibly up to a year?  i thought he
had a good point!  but thought i was beginning to feel like a begger and
being choosy was the last thing i could afford at this point.

so, i decided to try the elephant retirement preserves (btw, they HATE being
called retirement homes for elephants.  so, be very careful not to make
these managers angry, from the beginning of your conversation, by making the
same faux pas that i made!  they will just hang up on you if you do.)  i
told each of them i had been calling zoos and circuses and that it was
suggested that i try calling this kind of organization.  on my last call,
the "preserve" manager was very kind. she asked whether i wanted an asian or
african elephant.  i informed her that i didn't think it matterd.  she then
said she felt asian elephants are better.  however, she could not give or
sell her elephants for my purpose, because it would mess up her status with
the irs, something to do with the designation of her organization.  drat!
she also said the same thing about tough old elephants as the circus owner
did.  so, she provided me with the phone numbers of elephant procurers in
several countries in asia.

apparently these asian procurers are a very nervous lot, no matter what
country you call, because each of them asked me a ton of questions and some
of those questions made me nervous.  (it's a good thing my son speaks 4
asian languages!  he was an enormous help, because most of the procurers had
a difficult time with english, but all of them spoke their neighboring
countries languages, including their own.)  however, all of them indicated
that it would be 5 years or longer, at the soonest, before they could fill
my order.  heck!  who knows if i'm going to live that long!  besides which,
i might lose the recipe by then!  so, i asked them if they knew of any other
elephant procurers who might be able to fill my order in a shorter time.
one of them finally gave me the number of somebody in africa.

it took me 3 days to get a hold of that person, but it was worth it!  though
he couldn't fill my need in less than 5 years either, he suggested i call
the washington d.c. zoo.  i did, because i hadn't gotten to that zoo on my
zoo list yet; and i struck paydirt!  apparently, the washington d.c. zoo
will have to make room for new exhibits.  so, in a couple of months, lots of
extra elephants will be retired or moved or sold, some old and some fairly
young elephants!

i started to give the zoo manager my order, but then he asked me to tell me
which elephant's name i preferred and he started to read from a list of
names.  geesh, i couldn't even eat any of our home grown livestock critters,
because i named them all.  i simply didn't want to know the name of the
elephant.  and too, some of the names on the list sounded awfully familiar
to me, which made it worse for me.  but they don't do things that way in the
washington d.c. zoo.  drat!  i give up.

but now, any of you, who want to try mary margaret's recipe, knows where you
can buy an elephant for the dish, if you don't mind them having names.  but
you need to put your order in soon, because who knows where these elephants
will turn up or wind up after they are retired and disbursed!

kate