Food fight: Diets can irk partners
By Dan Vierria
November 7, 2006

"Didn't you just eat a few hours ago?'
"Do you really need to eat that?"
"Do you know how fattening that is?"
Cynthia Sass, co-author of "Your Diet Is Driving Me Crazy,"
says launching any one of those fireballs is asking for a
rumble.
Dropping the ultimate f-bomb, as in "You're getting fat,"
isn't tough love; it's grounds for divorce.
"Money and sex aren't the only things that break up a
relationship," says Sass, a registered dietitian in Tampa,
Fla. "Food can, too.
Anything that is critical or embarrassing can start a
fight. It's like a slap in the face."
Enduring a diet is painful enough without your partner
playing the role of insensitive food cop. Couples need
guidance in dealing with potentially volatile food issues,
according to Sass, who wrote the book with Denise Maher. The
nation's obesity rate has compounded the messy situations.
"You don't want your partner constantly looking over your
shoulder, telling you what's good for you," Sass says.
"You'll feel like a child, and it builds up anger."
Sass doesn't even believe in dieting as a reliable weight-
control strategy. Instead, she recommends lifestyle changes.
Either way, there could be trouble ahead.
For instance, John brings home chocolate-raspberry cake as
Mary is teetering on her 1,200-calorie-a-day diet. Sue has
committed to healthful eating, yet Sam insists on treating
her to Baskin-Robbins every Thursday night. Consciously or
subconsciously, both are diet sabotage. Amazing how a double
scoop of old-fashioned butter pecan can melt a relationship.
"Your partner may be worried that you're not happy with the
relationship or think you're looking for another partner,"
Sass says. "They want the old routines back, like pizza on
Sundays. They may bring home foods you're trying to avoid
and say, 'Oh, it's the weekend, let's have some fun.'"
A serious chat is in order. She recommends talking to your
partner about the diet before you begin. Otherwise, expect
to have that chat anyway, perhaps after a blowup. Wait until
the upset has passed before readdressing the issue.
"Then approach your partner and say, 'Can I talk to you
about something very important to me?'" Sass says. "'You've
probably noticed I've been trying to eat healthier, and I
want you to know why I'm doing this.'"
Reassure your partner it has nothing to do with being
unhappy in the relationship, Sass says. Instead, ask for
support.
"True friends aren't judgmental; they're always
supportive," she says. Sass adds it's not uncommon for one
party to feel you also want him or her to drop weight or
frequent the gym.
"It's important to say, 'I'm not asking you to do it, just
to support me,'" Sass says.
She's had her own food conflicts.
"My husband and I have had eight of the 17 food conflicts
in the book," she admits. "He's from the South, I'm from the
North, so our food staples are very different. And we're
never hungry at the same time."
Sass says she has to eat every three to four hours or she
gets testy, while her husband can go eight hours without
eating.
"When we were out running errands, I could get irritable
and pick a fight if I were hungry," she says. "Now, I keep
food with me so I'm not going to get that cranky."
Building relationships that will withstand diet debates
isn't based on strict adherence or intolerance. It's OK to
stray from the diet from time to time.
"Who can go through life without a french fry?" she asks.
"I can't."

... Heavy, adj.: Seduced by the chocolate side of the force!
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12