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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Arthritis / November 2006just need to talk again
Hello everyone, Today marks 2 months since my husband passed away, it is not getting much easier, or atleast today it isn't. I find myself sometimes thinking I am doing okay, but it is mostly when I am so busy I am pushing everything done, I have been home all day with a sinus problem and ear thing and I think that this is only about the 3 rd day since he has been gone that I have not been so busy I am only home for a little while. I miss him so much that it is hard sometimes. I have friends that keep telling me to go to grief therapy or some sort of counseling but all they will do is tell me everything I am feeling is normal, great, that won't help bring him back. I have written him letters to express what I am feeling, sometimes that helps other times it doesn't. I wish I could get over the feelings that he was cheated out of life, he was so young and was looking forward to his retirement his birthday as well as mine were just a couple weeks ago, he would have been 55, I just turned 51 and feel like half of me died with him. My two boys, or young men, 29 and 26 keep me going, and my oldest just told me a couple weeks ago he has a girl friend, he was ina serious relationship for over 6 years and when they broke up he didn't think he would ever date again, his dad would be so happy for him. I talk to Paul, my husband, but whether he hears me I don't know, but I hope he does. I hope that he knows how much I miss him and wish that I could do some things over and the regrets are normal but that seems to be all I remember. I found a bunch of cards that he had saved that I had given him thru our 30+ years of marriage, I was glad he saved those they helped me see that I was encouraging to him, but I just remember those stupid times I was a butt to him or acted pissing because I had to cook yet another dinner, the poor guy would eat anything and was always gracious and said thank you, If I can tell anyone anything and hope they listen, PLEASE take each day to tell all your loved ones how much you love them and how proud you are of them. I only hope that he knew that, it tares me up inside to think of those days he would touch me for a hug and I would not turn around and hug him, WHY was I so stubborn, it is too late for me but if I can make anyone realize how fortunate you are to have that special someone still in your life, never let them go a day without you telling them that. Thanks for listening, once again, Becky It takes a long time for it to get "easier", and things and events will occur which keep reminding you of him, and yes, it is normal to grieve. Take time to mourn. If you don't you will never get better. I would say, however, that he would probably not want you ache so much. It might help to do something good in his name. Donate to a charity he would have supported. Do something nice for a stranger and think of it as passing on his good will. Honor his memory in a way which will invite others to join you, and you them. Remember that many people love you and care about you. Norman > I talk to Paul, my husband, but whether he hears me I don't know, but I hope > he does. Of course he does. You were together for so long, the way each of you thought and felt had a massive impact on the other. It changed the way your minds work; the time rewired you both (literally) to hold each other inside. You each took one another into yourselves, and those copies remain. When you speak, he hears you. When you hurt, he comforts you. Not in the way you've had before, but real none the less. Ari  Signaturespammage trappage: remove the underscores to reply Many people around the world are waiting for a marrow transplant. Please volunteer to be a marrow donor and literally save someone's life: http://www.abmdr.org.au/ http://www.marrow.org/ Becky thank-you for reminding me how fortunate I am to have a loving family around me. May each day bring a little more peace back into your life. This life is so transient, we have gained much when we take each day and learn to live in it... Your Husband was fortunate to have had so much love around him. He thanks you for that. Be gentle on yourself, you loved him the best you could. Can anyone hope for more? Take Care, Paul. Becky, Come here everyday if that makes it easier for you... I cannot imagine what you are feeling or going through..I watched my Mom and it will be 3 years on the 26 of this month...She still has bad days, but every day it gets easier and easier...And my neighbor who is 52...lost her husband a year ago the 30th of September...She still lives one day at a time...and one year later she has had a really hard time, I think because she didn't allow herself to grieve...Because of her 18 year old daughter...She tried to be strong for her....And it caught up with her...so take it one day at a time...And let the grieving process work.. And know that he does hear you...I believe...And don't be so hard on yourself with the coulda, shoulda , woulda's....Like was said here before...You loved him the best that you could....and that is all any one can ask for...to be loved and cherished... Hugs and Prayers Cindy > Hello everyone, > Today marks 2 months since my husband passed away, it is not getting much [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > Thanks for listening, once again, > Becky Becky, That is when alot of stuff gets to us is when we are not busy and when we are ill. So just keep that in mind. I feel for you sweetie, I really do. I know this has to be the hardest thing to go thru. You and your hubby were around our ages too. Jim just turned 55 yesterday and I turned 50 this year. That is too young to lose someone. I have been worried about my hubby too. He had a heart attack in 96. So it is scary. I know the feeling you talk about, about telling others that you love them, that you thank them, that you care etc. I figured I got a wake up call when that happened to Jim. I believe that Paul hears you. I believe he is still there in spirit for you also. About the kicking yourself though you can stop that. The way you talk about how good Paul was, don't you think that he knew you were not feeling up to that hug just then or were in pain etc at that time. I bet he forgave you a long time ago. So maybe it is time for you to forgive youself. We all act like that at times. I am sure there were times Paul came home cranky or whatever and you forgave him, so do the same for yourself. You can't always be strong for everone else around you. Sometimes we need to be weak too. I bet your family, are wondering why you have not broken down yet. Sometimes it is good to show them that you are hurting too. I don't think they will feel bad, I think it will do them good to help you thru this too. That is so great what you and your kids are going to do to uphold Pauls beliefs in helping others. You are doing good, and it sure sounds like you are alot stronger than you think you are. You take care and keep talking to us about it, if you have to. You need to get those feelings out somehow. SignatureLove and hugs Jo (\__/) .~ ~. )) /O O ./ .' {O__, \ { / . . ) \ |-| '-' \ } )) Warning: squirrels. .( _( )_.' '---.~_ _ _& > Hello everyone, > Today marks 2 months since my husband passed away, it is not getting much [quoted text clipped - 34 lines] > Thanks for listening, once again, > Becky Thank you Jo We are around the same age, Paul would have turned 55 on Oct 26th I turned 51 on the 29th of October. I know that Paul would not want me to be a wreck but it will take time. Thank you again Becky > Becky, > [quoted text clipped - 71 lines] >> Thanks for listening, once again, >> Becky Hi Becky. I feel so bad for you. I've been there and done that. I wish I knew a miracle 'cure' to help you but having just gone through all that you are experiencing, I know that there just isn't anything that will help other than time. I just went through the second anniversary of my DH'd death. I have realised that I am through the worst of it all and it doesn't hurt quite so bad now. I think of him just as often but I chose to remember his humour and sillyness, so that I laugh instead of crying. Like when he decided to clean our self-cleaning oven one July day. He turned on the self-clean without checking to see if he had left anything in it. The condo quickly filled with smoke and the alarms went off, ringing constantly for an hour and a half. The fire department was there and the police. Of course, the oven door wouldn't open when it was self cleaning so they couldn't see what was going on in it to cause all the smoke. It turned out that he had cooked sausages in the oven the day before and had left the drip pan! It caught fire. I was so glad I was 3,000miles away! LOL This day will come for you, Becky. I didn't think it would ever happen as the pain I felt at Charles's passing felt like a knife through the heart. It is only 2 months for you. It is still new and raw emotion you are feeling. Take care of yourself. He would want that. Take vitamins and don't forget to take your meds. Take relaxing baths with bubbles, a book, candles etc. You have to nuture your soul. Go for a massage. You need human touch. The massage helped me immensely. Get your hair and nails done. Pamper yourself. Plan a trip. Plan a night out with friends at least once a week. Buy yourself flowers. Don't push yourself to 'get over' the grief. Time will help with that. I hope this helps a little bit. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Susanne > Hello everyone, > Today marks 2 months since my husband passed away, it is not getting much [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > Thanks for listening, once again, > Becky Thank you Susanne Your words and experience are of great comfort. I hope someday I will be able to say the same thing. Thank you for sharing with me, Becky > Hi Becky. > I feel so bad for you. I've been there and done that. I wish I knew a [quoted text clipped - 90 lines] >> Thanks for listening, once again, >> Becky |
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