A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while; what happened? You look
terrible."

"What do you mean?" asked the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm
fine now."

"Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword
fight. My hand was cut off and I got fitted with a hook, but I'm fine,
really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked
up and one of them sh.t in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just
from some bird sh.t."

"It was my first day with the hook," replied the pirate.