Actually, that column is not what has ticked me off the most with this
magazine!  LOL but they are the one magazine that gives us lots of basic
"news" in the Episcopal church and we need to keep up now that we are in the
clergy crowd.

I won't get into the side of current church politics where they are on the
opposite end of the scale from me  - suffice it to say we interpret some
things differently.  I wrote a *really* long letter on that front around Xmas
- not surprisingly they didn't publish it, but they did change their
editorial slant a bit afterwards.  

Thak you - thus far you are confirming for me that I was not just being
hyper-sensitive!  I had some real difficulty nailing down what I wanted to
say in reply, especially as it forced me to really think about my pain, when
I do much better pushing it into the background.  I really think the man is
clueless about what is going on below the surface for anyone with chronic
pain so I decided to focus on the fact that what much of the world sees is us
just trying to have a life despite pain.

(I'm copying my reply to his column below)

To whom it may concern;

I have been trying to write this letter for several days now, keeping it
reasonably short and not too emotional, but it's been extremely difficult. In
order to respond to Albury, I have to think about my own experience of pain
when I cope much better by pushing the pain into the background.  

As someone who has been in chronic pain for more than 20 years without yet
reaching the "half-century milestone", I find myself with very mixed
reactions to Ronald Albury's column, "Not Giving In".  Some of his points are
good and valid.  Pain and, more importantly, learning to live with it CAN
bring one closer to God.  There is also a great deal that can be done to help
people learn to continue functioning and enjoying much of life even as they
live in pain.

Unfortunately, I think Albury's desire to show the lessons that can be
learned through living with pain has lead him to paint too noble a picture of
such a life.   Yes, those of us living in chronic pain can take positive
outlook on things; we must, it is either that or let the pain define our
lives and destroy us personally.  Yes, one can sound positive and upbeat
about the daily experience of pain; we must, or we would break down
frequently when trying to tell you how we truly feel.  Yes, people who live
in chronic pain can still do stuff, can still accomplish things, can still
rejoice in the world and celebrate life.  One can only live with chronic pain
by pushing the pain into the background as much as possible and focusing on
other things for as long as the pain will permit.

There are valuable lessons to be learned from living with pain, but most of
us who WILL learn these lessons do so fairly quickly.  To imply that
continuing to live with pain "improve[s] the very fabric of our lives" is
misguided.  Over the long term, pain wears you down and eats away at your
"fabric".  It takes continuing personal attention as well as the care of
loving friends and family to keep the daily grind of pain from changing who
one is as a person.  We smile and make the best of it because the only other
choice is to let the pain destroy us.  Only those closest to us know the cost
of keeping up that front.  Only those with whom we feel safest know the hours
and days when we fear we can't keep doing this.  Only a few folks know how
difficult it is to be constantly balancing the value of doing something
against the physical pain that will likely result.  There are only so many
people who understand that sometimes we have to sob our eyes out for a while
to regain our courage and strength for getting through another day.   (One
HUGE advantage of modern technology is internet support groups.  Being able
to turn to folks who truly know how you feel, even in the middle of the night
when pain is preventing sleep, is a marvelous gift.)  So while there are
lessons to be learned from pain, please do not think that we feel ennobled by
the experience.  We are just doing what we can to keep the pain from
destroying our lives.

(An addendum:  Some clergy out there like to squeeze one's hands when
distributing the bread during communion.  I have had this happen even when I
am taking communion with braces on both hands.  I understand the priest
probably meant to convey deep feeling, but the result for me is almost always
PAIN.  Perhaps this is a good time to plead with everyone NOT to squeeze a
person's hand unless you know them and know it won't hurt.  Gently wrap your
fingers around their hand if you want to be more personal, but please don't
squeeze!  There are many of us out there with hand or finger issues that
aren't readily seen but are quite painful. I find the spiritual experience of
receiving communion is rarely enhanced by physical pain.)

is a retired Catholic priest, & from my over 65 generation, I can say
that he was taught, like I was, that pain is a Blessing from God to
help us appreciate the suffering that Jesus endured for us on the
cross. <<

yup, that was my dad, who went to mass nearly every day of his 90
years, and that's truly what he believed. it pretty much worked for
him.

diane

In this case, he would be an Episcopal priest, as the ECUSA is the market for
this particular magazine.  However, there is wide variance in the Episcopal
church as we eternally seek the "via media" so he may well be more on the
Anglo-Catholic side of the church than I am.

I suppose that attitude can be truly helpful for some in dealing with pain.  
It is so antithetical to the God I have experienced though.  It's who we are
that counts.  But that's me and my experience.

LOL - well, that's kinda what we do in the Episcopal church anyway.  The
recent splintering in the church is an aberration.  Traditionally, we all
stay in the church and argue whole-heartedly among ourselves.  The past 30
years though, we've had some folks leaving instead of sticking around and
battling it out - though the battles continue, even over decisions made at
the '76 convention. My family ha. always liked the fact that we can argue and
disagree but still stay together in this church.  It keeps things lively, but
many in our church find the process  helps us refine our faith.