The financial stuff was one of the first indicators with my MIL - we
were not really aware of it until about 6 months into the muddle -
mostly because at that time, we'd had no reason to wade into her
finances.  We used the same financial planner, who also did my MILs
taxes. My MIL kept quite meticulous books (part of her income came
from an estate trust she was executor of) and all of a sudden, her
ability to keep accurate records just went. She was making a college
try, and clearly very anxious, but very confused about what number
went where, and even adding and subtracting.

Not only did my MIL start having trouble with basic arithmatic, but
the whole mechanics of writing cheques and paying bills started to be
very challenging for her - after all, you have to put the amount in
both words and numbers, the correct date, etc. There were a lot of
cheques returned to her because she'd messed up filling out the cheque
- and also from paying the same bill more than once. She also started
to muddle up her bank accounts - depositing and withdrawing to the
wrong ones etc.

Around the same time, her ability to handle cash also deteriorated,
which is frightening if your loved one likes to carry large wads of
cash around. I think it had to do with the whole numeracy thing - she
just couldn't follow numbers or do basic math, never mind estimate
things in her head, so she was totally trusting when she handed over
money to a clerk - she wasn't sure how much she should expect to pay,
she wasn't sure how much she'd handed over, and she had no idea what
change she should get back.

Later on, when she was in the assisted living facility where the only
place you could spend money was the little tuck shop, we found that we
had to restrict pocket money, since if she had $50 in her purse, it
would disappear as fast as $5, with nothing to show for it, and no
explanation (i.e. Dolli, you just took out $50 three days ago - where
did it go? Did you buy something??? - and you could never get an
answer.

Mary G.

(Evelyn)I absolutely think it is outrageous that your family is not
paying you for your caregiving efforts. Everybody deserves to be
paid for their work, and just living there is not enough payment, since
you are working too. Granted, it would be less considering that housing
was included, but you still deserve some compensation.

(Me)My family will not pay me so i told them i would go to the county.Of
course they think thats awful.Do you have any opinions on how much i
should recieve?

Barb,

I think that if you got minimum wage for at least a certain amount of hours
per day, then it might be somewhat OK, considering it *is* your mother you
are working for and you do have a place to live included.   Considering she
is asleep at night, maybe no pay for the nights?.... (just my feeling on it)

Also you need to check in your area of the country what agencies are
charging as opposed to private pay caregivers.   Another thing is you
ABSOLUTELY must pay taxes on whatever you earn.   If you do not, your sister
could get into trouble about the fact someone is being paid to care for your
mom who isn't totally on the "up and up" about it.   So there are some fine
points involved.

ALSO your mother and sister should have set up some kind of caregiving
'contract' in advance of her becoming so ill, wherein her caregivers should
be paid for their efforts, like my mother in law did.

Your sister just doesn't want to deplete your mothers estate so there is
more to split up when she passes away.   She has no idea how stressful it
becomes when they are totally incontinent and unable to walk straight
anymore, falling down in the middle of the night.   ALL your mothers money
will end up going to a nursing home for her care when she reaches the point
where caring for her at home is at its most difficult anyway, and you will
have worked for nothing till that point.

Your sister should try caring for your mother, and she will soon discover
just how valuable your efforts really are.   Free rent is nice, but it isn't
enough to justify the emotional stress of caregiving, or the misery of
somebody else trying to mind your business and telling you how to live.

Remember I am nobody special.   So my opinion is just that.... somebody's
opinion.   The bottom line is that your mothers money will end up going for
her care.   Trying to preserve her "estate" while denying small comforts and
amenities, like having her real daughter caring for her in peace and
comfort, in the familiarity of her own home, is an exercise in futility.

About the dog.......

(Barb) one of them whined all night last time my sis and hubby were here.But
it was because her hubby was shooting off fire works.

My dogs would whine from that too.... also knowing there was a stranger in
the house might make them restless.    But they are quiet the rest of the
time?    My dogs sleep in our room at night, so they know to be quiet.

About the fan;

(Barb)They say because the wiring here is old we should use very little
electric or else it will go out.Been here a yr.all ready.

Tell her since it is probably the only thing running at night, there is no
danger of that.

(Barb)  Too late Evelyn,I mentioned these things to my sis and she's
already mad.Oh well still doesn't change my mind on things.Thank
You,Barb

Barb, you should have a totally quiet, NO anger,  sort of a sit-down talk
with your sister.   You need to live in peace, and she shouldn't deny you
your dogs or your fan, when you aren't even getting paid for your efforts.
Those are small things.   Your sister is being unreasonable in my opinion.

She is unaware of the realities of life when it comes to caregiving and
alzheimers.    She would be shocked beyond words if she knew what it would
really cost to hire people to care for your mom.   The free rent you get is
not much compared to what she would be paying professionals for their time,
24/7, and remember, your mother will indeed get worse.   That is just the
nature of the illness.

But then my opinion doesn't count for anything.
You have to solve this within your family and I wish you good luck.

"turkey in the straw"

(Me)My family will not pay me so i told them i would go to the county.Of
course they think thats awful.Do you have any opinions on how much i
should recieve?

Jane:  I found this web site for nursing home care from 2002.  It says the
average nursing home care is $61,320 a year here is the link.
http://www.keepmedia.com/ShowItemDetails.do?itemID=129166&extID=10032&oliID=213

Here is another site 2003 that says home care is paid on an average of $12
to $27 dollars per hour here is this web site.
http://www.kaisernetwork.org/daily_reports/rep_index.cfm?DR_ID=19187

I had a Chow Chow dog and he was a sweet, gentle, quiet dog. The
only time he barked was when someone came to the door. I have two
German Shepherds now, and they are much more noisy and active, but they
sleep quietly all night long. Are your dogs different?(Me)
No,one of them whined all night last time my sis and hubby were here.But
it was because her hubby was shooting off fire works.

 I personally believe that having animals around a person with
Alzheimers disease is a good thing and a pleasure for them. My two
dogs loved Ida and she loved them. Same with our cats.
(Me) You are soooo right.My mom has a small dog i swear she loves like a
child.

My sister also likes to sleep with a fan going. Sleeping with a fan
going is a personal choice and fans don't use that much electricity
anyway. That really shouldn't be anyones business but yours,
especially since you are caring for your mother there without pay.
(Me)They say because the wiring here is old we should use very little
electric or else it will go out.Been here a yr.all ready.

Jane:  It will go out?  I work for a builder we built Accessible and Custom
homes.  I am an assitant to our customers with special needs.  Mostly the
physically handicapped.  We've built hundreds of home for many different
types of people all over the metro.  Here's the thing, with all the contact
I have with builder's and their subs, including the electrical sub, that is
something I have never heard of.  Your electric doesn't just go out.
Seriously if your sister is concerned with the aging wiring, she should be
hiring a electrician to check the wires, so there isn't a tradegedy, not
worry about money.  The little bit of money it takes to run that fan is
nothing compared to the lost lives should there be a fire.

Barb, is your mom receiving disability?  If so you could work for a home
health aid company on the condition that your only assignment is taking care
of your mom.  My ex-brother in law was able to do that for his nephew.  His
nephews parents wanted a home health care person it was only part time, but
between his parents and my ex-brother in law they were able to set it up
through this origination, that he would take care of the nephew during the
day and got paid for it.  I will see if I can find the organization.  It was
Anoka County so I think it was through them.

Jane