Hi Julie,

My mother in law attended day care for about 2 and a half years.  Whenever
we would ask her how her day was, she would often say she didn't go
anywhere, just for a ride in the car.   She would say that even when they
had some really nice outing or event!   Just remember that they can't
remember.....:-)   Always check with the daycare center if you have a
question, since your loved one probably won't remember what they did, or
ate, or who came there that day.

Hi Julie,
I think the scrapbook idea is a good one but I think it's just a
matter of time for your Mother to get used to the day care. Have
you talked to the staff to let them know your concerns. They can
then use that to involve her more in the way she wants. Time and
communication from you would probably help most IMO.

To a large extent you are trying to push water uphill here, because the
essence is that you are trying to get them to remember things, and if they
could, they wouldn't need to go to day care :-(

My father always used to say they did nothing and he had no idea what they
had for dinner.
This would be whether they stayed in all day or did a trip outdoors that
took hours, and whether it was something he really liked for dinner or not.

When I went along on a few occasions some of the other residents seemed
quite friendly towards my father, even seemed to remember him, but he had no
idea who they were, and getting him to recall anything about it was just a
waste of time. Even if he were he ever to have said 'oh yes that was good'
he would then have forgotten that 10 seconds later.

So, depending how bad your mother is there may be things you can do but I
would concentrate on getting into a routine, just like you would with a
toddler 'right its Wednesday that's when you go to the centre so I can go do
the chores' (or whatever). Try and minimise arguments or discussion, you
wouldn't ask a toddler if they wanted to go to nursery and if they weren't
in the mood, not let them go, and here you can't even have the toddler
recall the fun things they did last week.

Concentrate on routine, minimise choices.

Tumbleweed

Hi Julie

I'm Suzanne & I have been living with my mother and her vascular dementia
for several years now.  It was really tough at first and I'm guessing it's
not going to get a whole lot easier, but things are mostly OK & we still
share a lot of love and a lot of cheer!!

I'm assuming this whole overwhelming dementia experience with your mother is
somewhat new for you.  I can see that you're trying your best to make
everything the best it can be.  Your 'old mother' is grateful no doubt, even
if it may not always seem that way.

The day care thing - I had trouble with that too. Mom didn't want to go and
I had to 'shop' to find the right one (some would have thrown her into a
tizzy of complete darkness.  But we lucked out.)

It's tough for someone to go to a new place and feel like they fit in even
if they have their full wits about them and a full sense of control and a
desire to belong.  It takes time for anyone, dementia or not, to make
connections with other people.  Dementia sufferers can & do make new
connections - give your mother time.

My Mom has been going to a 'Seniors Day Outing Program' twice a week for 2
1/2 years now.  She really didn't like it much at first, rarely remembered
what she had for lunch and often complained that they didn't do anything.

In the beginning she said that she was doing it for me.  Now she relies on
it - looks forward to it - it's her routine - it is something SHE DOES-
something that IS HERS -  Her friends - Her activities - Her thing!  Not
that she says that, but I know because she asks what day of the week it is
and what day she goes to the "Rec. Centre"

She has made many friends and all this week she's been trying to figure out
what to get Veronica for her new baby ( a friend/employee going on maternity
leave)

Give it some time, your mother may grow to appreciate it as much as my
mother does or she may not & you'll figure out how to deal with that too -
it all takes time and patience.

You're doing the right things.
Good luck
Suzanne