I've been in touch for years with the newsgroup for epilepsy (because I
have epilepsy and volunteer to maintain the website for the Epilepsy
Foundation of Idaho) now I decided to find a support group for people
coping with family members who have dementia.

My mother is 84, she lives with my sister and brother-in-law.  My
brother visits her one evening a week and I visit her during the week.
This year we came to realize she needs more help.  So my daughter-in-law
helps out with doctor's visits and focuses on doing things with her
where she can make choices.

We were coping with her picking at her skin for over a year.  We tried
everything, but finally we had to take her to a psychiatrist who put her
on one more medication (she only takes about a dozen drugs).  The
medication stops her from picking at her skin, and helps so she is not
so argumentative, but it is sad to see her just sitting at times and
doing nothing.  My sister worries about her being too drugged, but I
think my sister has forgotten how my mother's actions (before my sister
returned from her vacation) were driving her crazy.  I think we just
need to focus on giving her the best quality of life we can.

One thing I found out recently is that there is a federally mandated
program to help reimburse respite care.  My sister happens to live one
block from a wonderful adult care facility.  We have taken mom there
three times now for adult day care. We were able to negotiate a good
rate and I met with the right people through the Commission on Aging to
get the ball rolling to enroll in the respite reimbursement program.
Our plan is to have mom spend one day a week there and if needed we can
even have her spend the night for a few days.

Take care,
Julie