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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / June 2004

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I will shoot Alzheimer with my shotgun !

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Pablo Rena - 31 May 2004 11:03 GMT
I will never get Alzheimer as long as my fingers can still hold my shotgun!

When these Alzheimer critters come near me, BANG ! I will shoot them without mercy !

I recommend to buy weapons , too, to protect yourself against Alzheimer.
turkey in the straw - 01 Jun 2004 04:26 GMT
My mom always throws a fit if she see's me throwing away her disposable
underwear.She thinks we should wash them as she can't afford to throw
away underwear.Has anyone else had this issue?
Robert E. Lewis - 01 Jun 2004 06:45 GMT
>My mom always throws a fit if she see's me throwing
>away her disposable underwear.She thinks we should
>wash them as she can't afford to throw away underwear.
>Has anyone else had this issue?

Yikes!  I was actually considering the disposable underwear issue earlier today, because my father has recently admitted (not to me, but to a friend of his, while I was present) to having some incontinence problems.  I was thinking what a problem switching to Depends (or the like) will be, because we live in the boondocks and don't have curbside trash pickup - I have to carry our garbage about two miles to a community dumpster.

We used to have our laundry done (water quality from our well isn't good for clothes), but I switched to doing it myself at a Laundromat when the cost became prohibitive.  Dad is still cognizant enough my problem is the other way 'round: he is embarrassed to have me wash his soiled underwear.  He also doesn't like to admit his incontinence, so I've come to understand that when he is adamant about me dropping off our laundry, it means he's had some accidents.  It's an area in which I can get away with 'loving deception' - so I tell him I'm dropping it off, then stop and wash it myself.  Dad always says, 'Whoah, that was a quick round trip,' whether I've been gone for two hours or five, So I can take the time to wash it myself.

Could you tell your mother that the disposable underwear is covered by insurance?

I don't know a lot about adult diapers yet (knock wood), but could you pull regular panties over the disposable ones, then describe the disposable garments as something like 'panty liners'?  

Could you put them in a different-colored trash bag (white instead of brown, or vice versa) and say they're special laundry bags for underwear? (Dad understands colored and white laundry get separated into different bags, though he has a hard time with white=bleachable versus white-non-bleachable (like white polyester shirts he puts in with underwear), so I re-separate his laundry bags when he's not looking.)
Tumbleweed - 01 Jun 2004 07:27 GMT
> My mom always throws a fit if she see's me throwing away her disposable
> underwear.She thinks we should wash them as she can't afford to throw
> away underwear.Has anyone else had this issue?

I'm sure all of us have had issues with non-logical reasoning like this.
Better to arrange matters so she doesnt notice you disposing of them.

Signature

Tumbleweed

Remove my socks for email address

deedimples - 01 Jun 2004 13:45 GMT
Hi there,

My mom would be so upset if she knew all the stuff I throw out on her.  She was a collector of everything.  
I just did it when she was looking another way or in another room.  Perhaps you can put them in a bag and tell her your going to wash them, then throw them out.  It works for me.

good luck,
Dianne
 My mom always throws a fit if she see's me throwing away her disposable
 underwear.She thinks we should wash them as she can't afford to throw
 away underwear.Has anyone else had this issue?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 <"http://www.wtv-zone.com/coolmom/backs/coolbgs/birds/birdbg02.jpg>
Glenfiddich - 01 Jun 2004 15:10 GMT
>My mom always throws a fit if she see's me throwing away her disposable
>underwear.She thinks we should wash them as she can't afford to throw
>away underwear.Has anyone else had this issue?

First thing that comes to mind is to not to let your Mom see you
doing the disposal!

Many people with AD tend to forget the present and live in their
earlier days.
Old people may well have gone through hard times when they couldn't
afford to discard *anything.   In my own case, I grew up during WW2
when shortages and recycling was the normal way of life.  Of course,
we didn't call it recycling back then, it was just making do with
whatever we had.

Or, it could be your Mom is just being irrational about this. <g>

A personal theory of mine is that, losing control over their own mind
and memories, they try to keep control of simpler things.
My late wife collected all sorts of useless things (lost rubber bands,
handfuls of napkins and free newspapers), and couldn't bear to catch
me throwing any of them out.
So, I waited till she slept...
Tumbleweed - 01 Jun 2004 15:52 GMT
> >My mom always throws a fit if she see's me throwing away her disposable
> >underwear.She thinks we should wash them as she can't afford to throw
[quoted text clipped - 19 lines]
> me throwing any of them out.
> So, I waited till she slept...

Yep, my dad went (almost literally) beserk when I tried to throw away some
old wood in his garage.
Only 5 mins later I told him I was taking it to a neighbour who wanted it
and he helped me load it in the car.
He never asked a single question when I came back from the local dump 20
minutes later, and never mentioned it again even though he walked past where
it was previously stored several times a day.

Personally I go with the 'hard times' theory; even when he was well he never
liked to throw anything away, so this was just an emphasis of this part of
his personality.

Signature

Tumbleweed

Remove my socks for email address

Patrick - 02 Jun 2004 05:02 GMT
This has caused me to examine my own habits. After a couple of years of
sneaking trash out of my folks' house, today I threw out a pickup load
of stuff from my own garage.  I realized that I had lots of stuff that
wasn't useful, but was "too good to throw away."  
As I watch my folks deal with aging, I am thinking about how I will be
just a few short decades from now, and what my kids will have to deal
with.

--Patrick

> Personally I go with the 'hard times' theory; even when he was well he never
> liked to throw anything away, so this was just an emphasis of this part of
> his personality.
Evelyn Ruut - 02 Jun 2004 11:39 GMT
> This has caused me to examine my own habits. After a couple of years of
> sneaking trash out of my folks' house, today I threw out a pickup load
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
>
> --Patrick

Patrick, when we cleaned out my mother in law's house, I realized we had a
huge amount of stuff too.   So we had a yard sale last summer, and made
$650.00 just getting rid of excess stuff we had hauled from our old house to
this one when we last moved!

I plan to have yet another yard sale this year, and when I do it I am going
to be utterly ruthless.   I am going to get rid of anything I am not
absolutely crazy about, or don't use, or just looks like too much clutter
around here.   It is time to cut back so my own kids don't get stuck having
to deal with a lot of junk someday down the road.

Signature

Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox")

deedimples - 02 Jun 2004 15:00 GMT
Hi,

I agree with Evelyn.  We have had to clean out my mothers house a year a ago
last February.  She is now living in a nursing home and if she knew what
happen to her belongings, she would freak.  We also had a garage sale and
did very well.
My mother-in-law passed away on Mothers Day and now we have her house to
sell and the contents to sell.  It will be a little easier this time around,
because we will have help.
My husband and I have decided not to have our children go through the same
thing as we did, so we have taken action now.  Cleaning out the house of
unnecessary stuff and the paper work is in order.

we all learn from others,
have a good day everyone,
dianne

> > This has caused me to examine my own habits. After a couple of years of
> > sneaking trash out of my folks' house, today I threw out a pickup load
[quoted text clipped - 16 lines]
> around here.   It is time to cut back so my own kids don't get stuck having
> to deal with a lot of junk someday down the road.
Robert E. Lewis - 02 Jun 2004 17:07 GMT
<snip>

> I plan to have yet another yard sale this year, and when I do it I am going
> to be utterly ruthless.   I am going to get rid of anything I am not
> absolutely crazy about, or don't use, or just looks like too much clutter
> around here.   It is time to cut back so my own kids don't get stuck having
> to deal with a lot of junk someday down the road.

Evelyn, if I may be so presumptuous as to speak on behalf of your kids:
THANKS!

I just helped my mother move from a two bedroom house (where she'd
essentially been living in one room and using the others for storage) into a
senior citizens' apartment.  Very small one-bedroom unit.  She tried to be
ruthless - she actually had a woman who holds estate sales come in and sell
off everything we didn't move.  She got rid of knick-knacks (in fact, her
birthday's later this week and I'm not sure she kept even one vase for me to
bring her flowers!), had me winnow her toolboxes down to just a few things
she might want.  But she had to rent a storage unit just for files and
books, and I know they won't get filtered down much; that task will fall to
me eventually.
Evelyn Ruut - 02 Jun 2004 19:26 GMT
> <snip>
>
[quoted text clipped - 19 lines]
> books, and I know they won't get filtered down much; that task will fall to
> me eventually.

Robert, I can sympathize with her and you, both.

I have lots of stuff I love and keep around just because looking at these
things gives me some kind of joy.   Some of those things are even still in
boxes, packed away for lack of a place to display them.   So I am guilty
too.

But from my spiritual studies, I also realize that attachment to objects
..... THINGS ......is really just an illusion of joy.

Having seen how, in Ida's present state of mind, NOTHING she owned is of
value to her now, ...even her carefully saved money has had only conditional
value at this stage of the game.

At the end of life, having people who love you, care about you from their
hearts, and want you to have peace and to be free from pain or worry, THAT
is real currency, real value.   All the rest is just junk, even our little
treasures.   It is the human values of love and kindness that triumph
ultimately.   Especially considering that when we go we take nothing else
with us but those.

I think that the spiritual lessons I learned from caring for Ida over the
last few years were the biggest ones.

We all somehow operate under the illusion that we are going to live forever,
and that all our various collected STUFF, the things we associate and
identify with as part of ourselves, are things we will need.   Yet they
really have nothing at all to do with who or what we really are.

In reality that stuff all can be dispensed with in a single afternoon at a
yard sale!

All our carefully saved money can be spent away in a couple of brief years
for our care.

How important can any of that really be?

Your mom's real riches are in having a son who loves her enough to move her
to a safer better place, and your dad's real riches are in having a son who
looks after him.   That is definitely real value, real currency.... better
than diamonds or money in the bank.

Signature

Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox")

Dennis P. Harris - 03 Jun 2004 04:34 GMT
> But she had to rent a storage unit just for files and
> books, and I know they won't get filtered down much; that task will fall to
> me eventually.

for which you should be grateful.  as the family historian, i am
in deep debt to my great aunt, who saved every letter that my
grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles wrote to her, along with
all the pictures, homework examples, thank you notes, birthday
cards, and clippings.  it has made writing the 20th century part
of the history so much easier...  and i'm going to burn images of
all the letters on CDs to share with my cousins and siblings.

my advice is to also save some of the financial paperwork, so
your descendants can have some insight into how folks spent their
money in the 20th century.  my great aunt saved some invoices
from her father's electric utility in the 1890s, and to me they
are now precious ephemera of a pioneer in the electric utility
industry.

you don't know what your descedants will value, but as an amateur
historian, i can tell you that you can't save too much!
Robert E. Lewis - 03 Jun 2004 06:43 GMT
> > But she had to rent a storage unit just for files and
> > books, and I know they won't get filtered down much; that task will fall to
[quoted text clipped - 17 lines]
> you don't know what your descedants will value, but as an amateur
> historian, i can tell you that you can't save too much!

Unfortunately, while my mother is saving a few things like that, she is a
journalist by training, and most of what she has filed away are notes for
books she still insists she's going to write, some of it on topics that are
thirty years out of date (e.g. the upcoming legalization of marijuana,
something she's been planning to write about since at least 1973).

I have in the past picked out things other family had saved that Mom was
going to chuck or leave behind in a move (the owner's manual to her father's
1949 Dodge pickup truck; a tax receipt to his welding shop; the newspapers
her mother saved when World War II ended, when Kennedy was shot, etc.); she
had, but apparently threw away, receipts for payments on the equipment for
that welding shop, made in the depths of the Depression.  She has some
things from her mother's involvement with the very early Unity church
movement that I would think some church historian would love to have, but
Mom's been carting them around for 20+years and three or four moves.

My father, on the other hand, seems to instinctively understand my role as
family historian, and when he finds something among his belongings of
importance, he brings it in to me - his mother's engagement ring, his
father's watches, etc. - Most of this sort of thing are long since
squirreled away in a case that's out of his reach and easily accessible for
me as among the first things I load in my car when preparing to possibly
evacuate for a storm; others are going off with my sister in a few weeks.
And a few probably belong in the Museum of Printing History in Houston - my
grandfather was a Houston-based printer (mostly for Howard Hughes' company
print shop) who, among other things, printed the Armistice order sent out to
American troops ending fighting in WW I.

So I am discriminating; I'm just not universally thrilled at the idea of
having to sort through several hundred odd books and files of no great
personal/family interest.

--
Robert
Dennis P. Harris - 03 Jun 2004 09:12 GMT
> So I am discriminating; I'm just not universally thrilled at the idea of
> having to sort through several hundred odd books and files of no great
> personal/family interest.

ahh, but it comes with the territory.  i've had to sort through
and discard hundreds of slides that my great aunt took when
judging flower shows, and others of friends of hers that we never
knew.  finding the WWI waterfront security pass (for her and for
my grandfather) and her 1920 income tax return made it
worthwhile.
Mary Gordon - 03 Jun 2004 14:17 GMT
My father had a huge drawer full of slides. After he died, I went
through them and ended up with about a shoebox worth keeping - and a
green garbage bag FULL of rejects. He was big on taking pictures of
things/places, and since the slides weren't labelled, the only items
worth holding onto were the ones with people we knew in them. Like,
who needs a 30 pictures of a generic sunset in an unknown location or
the front porch of some unidentified cottage. Yikes.

Mary G.
Evelyn Ruut - 03 Jun 2004 16:02 GMT
> My father had a huge drawer full of slides. After he died, I went
> through them and ended up with about a shoebox worth keeping - and a
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
>
> Mary G.

Yes.  It is astonishing how much stuff we have has meaning only to us, and
not to our children.  I have had to think of that in my own house clearing.
My daughter does not remember my grandmother, since she died when my
daughter was so young.   But I remember her and the things that belonged to
her are my treasures.   Somehow that kind of loving emotion is not something
easily passed down.   We often see only the face value of objects, when it
is not our own memories attached to them.   A loved treasure filled with
memories becomes just another nick knack.
Signature

Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox")

 
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