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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / June 2004Advice dealing with Assited living administrators, please
M Mom is in a Belmont Village - neighborhood. My problem is they abuse me. It is a very ritzy place but they show me no respect, when they call Friday pm saying Mom is out of something. This has been going on for a year. I work long hours weekends and they could inventory on another day, and call before she runs out....This abuse and stress, has me at the point of tears. But now it is worse. In the last month I have had several irate calls from the head RN saying Mom was out of things, without calling to say she was low first. And then yesterday, I got a call that she was almost out, only to find she still had a full bottle. They insist there have been multiple calls that i ignored but their had not. The panic and stress this causes me, is amazing. What do i do about this? I am not thier slave to be kept busy with meaningless tasks. The normal people are lying, Threatening and "documenting" BTW, I tried bringing them extra [they disapear] and letting them order things, [but the cost was 25% more] I kept track of Mom's useage [they now claim she uese 8 briefs a day] Is that possible? > M Mom is in a Belmont Village - neighborhood. > My problem is they abuse me. [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > I kept track of Mom's useage [they now claim she uese 8 > briefs a day] Is that possible? ============================== It sounds like your Mom requires more attention than the current facility can provide. Maybe it's time to consider moving her to a Nursing Home.  SignatureJohn Inzer return e-mail disabled Kay, I hate to say it, but if the relationship is that bad, for goodness sakes, MOVE HER. As she gets more frail, doubtless the rate of the calls will increase if you and the staff are not in sync. Clearly, in the current situation, both sides are very frustrated and angry with each other, and if you can't work it out, you need to give it a go somewhere else. I'm wondering if they are trying to get rid of her and just picking on everything they can think of - and if they aren't prepared to adequately look after her, then it can't be good for her either. When you start with a new place, work hard to develop a positive relationship with the administrators and the staff, since you do need them to be on side, and not hostile to you - and part of that is you have to be firmly assertive, but not rude or in their face, and certainly not panicked and upset by them. You need to be in a partnership to do the best for your mother. Mary G. > Kay, I hate to say it, but if the relationship is that bad, for > goodness sakes, MOVE HER. As she gets more frail, doubtless the rate > of the calls will increase if you and the staff are not in sync. I agree --- you need to start looking NOW for another place! Yes, she could easily use 8 or more depends a day if she has become incontinent. And if you have complaints about these folks, KEEP WRITTEN NOTES of every phone conversation (or keep the answering machine messages until you put them on another tape). At risk of getting flamed, I think we need to also consider the village's point of view on this. > M Mom is in a Belmont Village - neighborhood. > My problem is they abuse me. > It is a very ritzy place but they show me no respect, when they call Friday pm > saying Mom is out of something. This has been going on for a year. I work long > hours weekends and they could inventory on another day, and call before she > runs out....This abuse and stress, has me at the point of tears. How is this abuse? The facility houses more than your mother, and the best way for them to care for multiple people is to have standard schedules. Most people have weekends off, and so calling on Friday to say "please pick this up over the weekend" is convenient for the majority of people. It is unrealistic to expect them to make a special inventory for your mom on another day. It IS realistic for them to reset their "reorder point" for you. By this, I mean, I expect when some supply gets down to X level they tell you that you need more. They expect that X will last until the family brings in more, having purchased over the weekend. You may need your X to be higher, because you will not bring more until the middle of the next week. > But now it is worse. > In the last month I have had several irate calls from the head RN saying Mom > was out of things, without calling to say she was low first. She should not be ugly. But is it possible someone else in your family took a message and did not give it to you? If this is a pattern, though, I agree it is of concern. And then > yesterday, I got a call that she was almost out, only to find she still had a > full bottle. First you complain that they don't call when they think she's low, then you complain that they do. Mistakes DO get made. They insist there have been multiple calls that i ignored but > their had not. The panic and stress this causes me, is amazing. Amazing indeed. Learn to accept some of this as par for the course. When you delegate some of the caregiving, you end up with these issues and lost clothes,etc. I am not faulting you for doing so -- I know right now I will never care for my mom in my own home. But you have to accept certain things like rainy days that come whether you want them or not. What do i do > about this? I am not thier slave to be kept busy with meaningless tasks. Making sure your mom has the proper supplies is meaningless? Or is there something else? The > normal people are lying, Threatening and "documenting" Nothing wrong with documenting. You should do it too. Keep a log of every time they call -- who you talk to -- what they request -- when you take it. > BTW, I tried bringing them extra [they disapear] > and letting them order things, [but the cost was 25% more] > I kept track of Mom's useage [they now claim she uese 8 briefs a day] > Is that possible? With incontinence, yes (do you want her to sit in wet ones to conserve?!?) and especially with confusion -- some patients will try to remove them, used or unused, and they don't always go back on, nor might it be the most sanitary thing to do if it were. Your post has a great deal of anger -- and I'm not sure all of it should be directed at the facility. I'm not faulting you or fussing nor even trying to be non-supportive. I just think you might benefit from seeing things from their perspective, and indeed it may be less stressful for you to realize they are not trying to make your life a living hell -- it's just an institution, and institutions must have structures in order to function. Songbird > At risk of getting flamed, I think we need to also consider the village's > point of view on this. [quoted text clipped - 76 lines] > > Songbird Songbird, you expressed exactly what ran through my mind when I read the same post. I didn't see any complaint listed that seemed very sound to me. I am sorry, but that is the truth. SignatureRegards, Evelyn Have you heard of the NO-CARB Diet for 2004? NO C-heney NO A-shcroft NO R-umsfeld NO B-ush (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") I also wonder if paying the extra 25% to get the nursing home to supply the briefs might not be money well spent, if having to keep the stock up personally is so very upsetting and stressful. We let the home supply just about everything beyond my MIL's clothing, and even that was hard to keep up with sometimes between things disappearing and getting destroyed - I'd forget to pick up more sometimes and come down to see her and be mortified to find she had no socks in the drawer, or her underwear was in tatters (I never bought so many pairs of "smalls" in my life as when my MIL was in the home). Mary G. After buying Depends at Costco for many months, we decided to let the ALF furnish them for my MIL. To our happy surpise, they were substantially cheaper (and we thought we were saving money by buying them ourselves!) Not to mention the added convenience. Definately a win-win situation for us! KarenC > After buying Depends at Costco for many months, we decided to let the ALF > furnish them for my MIL. To our happy surpise, they were substantially cheaper > (and we thought we were saving money by buying them ourselves!) Not to mention > the added convenience. Definately a win-win situation for us! KarenC Hi Karen, We finally decided to let the nursing home do Ida's laundry, since they kept on losing (and finding) her clothes. It turned out that they haven't lost anything since! SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Any step to make things simpler is a step in the right direction! Even the "lost" clothes will probably get found again. We often find my MIL dressed in some perky little outfit that's definately not hers. She's clean, happy & well cared for, that's what its all about, anyway! KarenC |
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