Songbird:

I here you loud and clear.  I've been trying to get Mother to see the dr.
regarding her dizzy spells.  She says it's nothing.. yet she has a history of
cardiac disease.
I call her doctor.. he doesn't call back.  These "spells" have been going on
for months now. They typically last for a couple of days.. and she only gets
out of bed to get something to snack on and use the bathroom.

I've been the primary caregiver for 13 years.. first Dad.. with his AD... while
mother has suffered for years with severe depression and anxiety along with
partial blindness (yet.. they still let her drive!!)

Now Dad's gone.. my mother can't even remember (or is denial) to fill her new
eyeglass prescription (she denied she was given one)... my younger sister
doesn't think I ought to be here taking care of my mother.....my mother
resented having to private pay for Dad's NH... yet she never saw an estate
planner..

Now.. there's some $179000 in jewelry and valuables missing from the house..
yet my mother says she doesn't remember because the "stuff" didn't mean
anything to her.  My sister admits to having the stuff ....one of the items
being my birthstone pin.. a gift from my grandmother when I was born (we were
both August babies).. and she refuses to return it.....and my mother tells me I
am being oversentimental about "stuff".  When I brought the pin up for a second
time.. my mother called me an "a--hole".  First time in my 49 years on this
planet anyone has ever called me that.. and it's my mother.

and still mother's dr won't return my phone calls.

So I turned to social services.Reported her as a case of self-neglect.. it's
State law here.  Took them 3 weeks to even call me back.  Several of mother's
friends have been calling about her increasing hostility and personality
changes..then there's..the confusion over simple things (toilet is broken..
needs replacing) .and the memory problems...she's having language problems
(can't find the word.. so describes)... took her 3 hrs to write a note to a
friend using 5th grade words..and she had to keep looking them up in the
dictionary)  ..and of course.. there is the one-way asset pipeline away from
the home.  I'm going to try to get SS in here next week.

ARGH>>>>>>>>>>>>>.  did I mention my mother blames me for her having to put Dad
in a NH and private pay!!!!!!!!  Gee.. may be it had something to do with Dad
climbing out the bathroom window in the middle of the night... the police
finding him on the streets in the middle of the night.. Dad punching me in the
face.... Dad threatening my mother with a steak knife.......and if Mom was so
worried about private pay.. why didn't she seek the competent advice of an
estate planner to protect her assets???  

Every time my sister claims she's coming down to help me with the house or my
mother.. she helps herself to cash and jewelry.......my sister toted off
$18,500 in cash.. and about $80,000 in diamonds last Friday when she took my
mother to her home (including Mother's Day).  Of course... my sister did not
invite me..

I offered my mother and sister  family mediation as an attempt to get the
family (just the three of us is all there is) seated and discussing
everything.....and there's alot of everything.
My sister and my mother rejected family mediation.  My elderlawyer said I have
done all the right things.. going through all the medical channels.. and now
it's time for guardianship.

ARGHHHH... I really don't want it.. but I can't figure out any other way to get
her the mental/medical care she deserves.. and also to stop the financial
exploitation by my sister.

According to my sister.. there's nothing wrong with my mother!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think my mother has AD.. I think it is more frontal lobe.....and it
ties in well with her 40+ years of depression, etc.  Her doctor said
anti-depressants don't agree with her.....well get her into geriatric
assessment BOZO... he's just a gp....and he suffers from Diogenes syndrome!!!
Mother refuses to see anyone else!!

Thanks for letting me vent!!!!!!!!!

Songbird <song2871@yahoo.com> is alleged to have said:

And of course when they do die, brother will be there with his hand out,
wanting his share.  That happened in my family, but my grandfather
didn't have anything left after a couple of years in the nursing home.
That's not even counting the money my parents spent taking care of him.
But it all caused my aunt, the one who moved to California, to stop
speaking to my mother, the responsible one, cause auntie was sure there
was a pot of money somewhere.

You might want to keep accounts of major expenditures on behalf of your
parents, maybe you will recover it from the estate someday.  I know
that's not why you're doing it, but it may take some of the sting out
of your brother's behavior.

Good luck with your parents.  Wouldn't it be great if your Mom's
problems were caused by the hypoxia, and the surgery fixed it!