if your mother is not on any medication to help with agitation,
your father should talk to her doctor about it.

how well trained is the aide to deal with dementia patients?

Hi Bob,
Welcome to the group. My Mom did the same thing when we tried
home care aids. She locked one woman out of the house;~) Luckily
I was there listening on the baby monitor and let her back in.
The problem seemed to be that the aid really didn't know how to
deal with someone with AD. Others were more successful but they
left the agency too quickly. Mom couldn't stand the frequent
changes. Or it could be any number of things like she reminds
your Mom of someone she didn't like, or your Mom is still pretty
aware of her deficits and doesn't think she needs a "baby
sitter". Try a different aide who has training/experience with
AD.
You could also try an Adult day care. Saved our butts many times.
The good ones know how to make someone that doesn't want to be
there feel very useful and not impaired.

A family member might try accompanying the aide through out at least one
entire days work.   I think it is hard to get them to adjust to new things,
but with patience it can be done.  The homecare aide should bring her some
little treats and tell her she is there to help her.

We had a slight hard time getting my mother in law to understand that the
next door neighbor was there to help her.   At first she was a little
resentful and said things like "why is that woman here and what does she
want to always talk to me for?"   Now she adores her.

But my neighbor brought her homemade cookies and sits and talks with her,
took her for haircuts and car rides.   They would even go to a nearby farm
to look at the horses and cows.   She made a real effort to talk to her and
befriend her.   She hugs her and sits on the sofa holding her hand and asks
her questions.

My mother in law responded to that kind of effort and sincerity very well.
Now that she is going into the nursing home, my neighbor asked if she can
come and visit her there.   Of course I want her to.

I have to tell you, my neighbor is a saint.  Not a doubt in my mind about
that.

:  This is my first post to this group.  HI! My step dad has hired a health
:  care aide to help my mom who has moderate Alzheimer's.  She comes about 5
:  hours each day.  My mom has rejected her and is agitated when she comes for
:  the day.  

And I'm going to add a m33 t00 to everyone else's experience with
this. Dennis' advice WRT makings sure the meds are correct could do
wonders.  If not there may not be much, realistically, that can be
done to force acceptance of the aide at this time; it'll just be
difficult for everyone concerned.  As time passes, cognition fades and
ability to resist declines this may get easier.  Not much
consolation I realize :(

it may be helpful to have the aide come for shorter periods of time at
first, i.e. to introduce her more gradually....   I didn't think my MIL was
ever going to accept having one around, but she's ok with it now ... still
"doesn't need them" of course, be she enjoys them while they're here...that
DID take several visits though - and she accepted the tuesday lady a lot
faster than thursday.

My MIL didn't want one either, but she was in relatively early AD and
recovering from a broken hip when we had to start with one - so we
were able to "spin" her presence in a face saving way. i.e. she was
doing US a favour, and why would she want to do all that housekeeping
stuff anyway. The agency sent someone four hours a day, five days a
week, and we did have to try a few different ones before we found one
that my MIL hit it off with - some of them really upset her (like the
one who worked barefoot). The one she liked the best was an older lady
from the Caribbean who was very warm, friendly, patient and kind, and
who had a real sense of humour. She was very good at cajoling my MIL
and making her laugh - my MIL was a very uptight, private person, who
had a very formal sense of what was proper, so she really did need an
aide who could charm her into cooperating.

If you don't have the right person at first, send them back and get
another one - you might have to try a few to find the right one.

You might also want to ask about some meds for your mom to deal with
the agitation at least temporarily - it might help her get over the
"hump" while acclimatizing to a new person in her environment.

Mary G.