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Evelyn Ruut - 26 Apr 2004 14:49 GMT

As Ida is innocently sitting and eating her breakfast, I am growing more
nervous and feeling more like a rat. Poor thing hasn't a clue and I am not
going to upset her by giving her one.

This is going to be VERY hard to do. I hope I don't cry.

Hubby is more solid in his resolve than I am, but then he is the guy who is
up 3 times in the middle of the night with bathroom duty, escorting her back
and forth and cleaning up and rediapering etc. I just can't help how I
feel though.

I know it has to be done and I have even looked forward to it, but looking
at her sitting there quietly having her breakfast, not knowing, is making me
so sad. I can't really help how I feel, even if I know it is the right
thing to do.... it is just how I am.

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Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox")

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Beth Cole - 26 Apr 2004 15:17 GMT

> As Ida is innocently sitting and eating her breakfast, I am growing more
> nervous and feeling more like a rat. Poor thing hasn't a clue and I am not
> going to upset her by giving her one.

I know exactly what you mean. Doris, my MIL, didn't understand all of
the conversations Bob (FIL), Ray (DH) & I were having the weekend &
following two days when we put her in the home. I couldn't bring myself
to explain to her what was going on, because I knew that all it would do
was upset her, when she wouldn't really understand it anyway.

> This is going to be VERY hard to do. I hope I don't cry.

I got handed all of the paperwork to do (Doris was considered an
emergency placement at the home), just as they got her ready for dinner
the first night. I organized it in a way that made sense to me, as
opposed to what made sense to the staff, and I started in. I really
didn't ever have a chance to cry. DH told me later he greatly
appreciated how firm my resolve was, because had I wavered, he would
have. And the constant refrain of "we are doing the Right Thing For
HER" was an important theme to sound, because short of my quitting my
job and moving in to take care of her full-time, there was no way for
her to stay at home. Bob did a wonderful job caring for her, but there
comes a point where it takes trained caregivers. We reached that point
with Doris, and you've reached that poing with Ida.

> Hubby is more solid in his resolve than I am, but then he is the guy who is
> up 3 times in the middle of the night with bathroom duty, escorting her back
> and forth and cleaning up and rediapering etc. I just can't help how I
> feel though.

This is someone you have cared for, and you aren't sure what the near
future holds for her. And that makes you uneasy. It's a perfectly
natural feeling.

> I know it has to be done and I have even looked forward to it, but looking
> at her sitting there quietly having her breakfast, not knowing, is making me
> so sad. I can't really help how I feel, even if I know it is the right
> thing to do.... it is just how I am.

She will probably adjust more quickly than you will! :) Unfortunately,
this horrid disease will mean that it won't be to long before she
doesn't really remember any recent home other than the nursing home. It
may take a little while, but it will happen.

Hawkeye Pierce said that heroes are the ordinary Joes (and Janes) who
step up and do the right thing because they don't have any other
choices. From what I can see, pretty much everyone who faces this
disease fits that description.

Beth

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Someone to love, Some work to do, A bit o' sun, A bit o' cheer, And a
guardian angel always near. -- An Irish Blessing
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Barbara Rose - 26 Apr 2004 16:52 GMT

Evelyn I felt exactly the same. I could hardly bear to talk to Mum when I
knew that she was going in and she didn't. I felt a complete rat and really
beat myself up about it. Right now Mum has a stomach bug and I am feeling
guilty thinking that she may not have got it if she was still with me, but I
just couldn't cope any longer.

I have cried and still do sometimes at the awful effects of the AD on her
memory, but I visit every other day and take her whatever I can to keep her
happy.

Be strong, it's the best thing for Ida.

Barb in UK

> As Ida is innocently sitting and eating her breakfast, I am growing more
> nervous and feeling more like a rat. Poor thing hasn't a clue and I am not
[quoted text clipped - 11 lines]
> so sad. I can't really help how I feel, even if I know it is the right
> thing to do.... it is just how I am.

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