Were you aware that there is an alzheimers elist from yahoogroups? It
seems to be quite active.

Dear Barb,

I have decided to stay on, since it seems that more have spoken in that
direction than those who maybe were put off by hearing about later stage
issues.

I know how you feel and we got to feeling that way for almost the whole time
Ida was here.  We never ever left her alone during the entire time we had
her with us.   So it did get to be pretty intensive and the comparison with
caring for a child was very accurate.   The repetitive questions no one can
answer are hard, it is true.

We just gritted our teeth and replied for the umpteenth time with the best
answer that we could, over and over again.   It somehow helps to say to
yourself and realize that they really don't do it on purpose, that to THEM,
they are asking that question for the very first time, and that they really
want to know.   The answer just doesn't stay in their mind, but the question
never leaves.

About it not supposed to be this way, I am not sure about that.   I found it
a comfort to believe that things in life are indeed the way they are
supposed to be.   Life issues us challenges and tests every day.   When we
were children we asked a million questions and needed to be kept out of
harms way too.   We never thought for a minute that we might be
inconveniencing or stressing our parents.   So I thought about that concept
when Ida became especially trying.   I thought how she took care of Peter
when he was a child, and now she needed taking care of.   I felt it was
spiritually "money in the bank" in terms of good karma or good will.
Naturally that isn't why we do this, I think most of us do it because we
believe that family should take care of family, and that we owe it to our
own to look after them while they are ill for as long as we can.

Now that Ida is no longer living with us at home, I realize that there has
been a tremendous weight lifted off us, but I don't regret for a minute
having cared for her here as long as we could.

I don't feel that we let her down or that we ought to feel any guilt for
placing her, since she is in a clean and good facility and she is getting
good care.   She is adapting to it well and we are so relieved I cannot
begin to tell you.   But I do not regret for a single second that we took
care of her here for as long as we did.   It was good for all of us.

If I had known then that she would adapt this easily, I would have put her
in respite care once in a while though, just to get a break.   We never did
that.

that's what we're here for...

Barb:
My mother is on zyprexa 10 miligram .  It seems to help some but it is
not a miracle drug,like I prayed it would be.  Her system tolerates it
very well and she is better until late evening then nothing helps.  She
is also on Zoloft.

My mother, who is now in a NH, is taking 20mg of Zyprexa.  They
did a "drug holiday" as required by law, they told me, where they
took the Zyprexa down to 10mg to see if it was necessary.
It was necessary!  At 10 mg she was often agitated and yelling
and it was often incoherent.  They eased her back up to the 20 mg
she was taking when she entered the NH and she appears to be
stabilized.  She often yells but it's not so often and not so incoherent
and she seems much less unhappy.  She yells for attention a lot at
night.  They give her 10 mg in the evening and 10 mg in the morning.

Yes!  Before, when Mom was in the dementia unit in assisted living I had
a lot of responsibility to bring in supplies and take her to the doctor.
Now
she's in the nursing home, there's less of that, but lots of paperwork and
getting adjusted to her new deteriorated condition.  I need to find a grief
group.

joan