series of articles on nursing homes and
assisted living homes. Go to www.newsday.com. Besides all the bad stuff,
they give tips and hints on how to make the transition easier for both
your Grandmother and you, and they tell you what to bring, what to leave
at home, and how to best safeguard your Grandma's property.
Even if you live outside of New York (I'm sure the laws are different)
the article has some great info.
        ---Hank---
That's my e-mail address up on top, anyone's welcome to write!

My grandmother's name was 'Abbie.'  When she went into a nursing home in the
early 1970s, she had just broken her hip, and my father and aunt had to rent
her a wheelchair.  The place they rented it from was called 'Abbie Rents,'
and had the name engraved on the wheelchair.  Grandma was in the nursing
home for about fourteen years, and she was the only resident who ever rented
a chair from Abbie Rents.  The chair was 'borrowed' from time to time, but
we always were able to find it easily.

--
Robert

Hi Robert and Happy Birthday!   I share your view in that birthday money
ought to be spent without regard for how sensible it is!   We all need some
nonsense in our lives especially if we are concerned with doing things
sensibly the rest of the time!

I don't intend to go every day, especially once I know she is adapting OK.
I really and truly do need a rest and my poor husband needs it more!

Last evening we were watching TV and just hanging out thinking about the
events of the day, and suddenly we heard a big hard thumpety thump.   We
leaped out of bed and ran to her room and she was on the floor.   I don't
know if she tried to sit and missed the edge of the bed, or what, but she
was on the floor.

Now we were right next door and heard it, but I wonder how it will go when
she is in a nursing home and she falls?   I have asked them to put a bed
alarm on her bed and they say they can do that, so that someone will know
when she gets out of bed.   Poor Ida.   And how would we know if anyone
comes if she falls?   We are going to have to toughen up, but it seems to be
a hard thing to do.

I have promised myself that I am not going to be a pain in the butt to the
people in the nursing home, as I (of all people) know how hard it is to care
for someone like this, but it also seems that I am going to have to keep an
eye on things to some degree.

We are going to have to visit her often enough to be sure that she is
getting good care, but not so often that we are an annoyance.   Ida is a
good natured enough person that I think she will manage to be OK there, but
I hope she will be persistent enough to ask for some help or care if she
needs it.

Their doctor intends to be backing her off her meds somewhat to find a
"baseline" to work from, so they say, and I am OK with that.

They have their own doctor, a dentist who comes to the place a couple of
times a week, their own beauty shop, and quite a few amenities.

Their are 286 patients there, most of them are in for rehabilitation, and I
hear it is the best rehab place in our area.

Their dementia ward is separate and it is not a "certified" dementia ward
(whatever that means) but it is self contained and separate.   We saw lots
of aides feeding patients by hand, and some feeding themselves.   We noticed
no bad odors or problem people misbehaving at all.

They told me that clothing often tends to disappear but the problem is lots
better now that they do it there themselves, rather than send it out.

The good thing is that this place is just a couple of miles away and easy to
get to.  There is plenty of parking, it is spotlessly clean and there seems
to be plenty of help there.

The intake person from Medicaid already called the nursing home and gave
them the go-ahead, so that is why things went so smoothly.   Also because we
had ALL our paperwork in order and ready to go.

This weekend will be very busy as I have to sort through all her things and
bring only what is necessary for the time being, and I will switch her
summer and winter clothing myself.   No need to bring heavy winter coats
now.

I need to find a marker pen to identify her clothing with.   Also we want to
set up her room nicely while she isn't in it, and personalize it a bit.
Peter and I feel it is important not to arrive there with her and a suitcase
in our hand as it is possible it could get Ida too upset to see that.
Better if her things just "materialize" there.

Yes, that is what I plan to do.  I am going to bring only a few things.

I am thinking that is what we might do too.   It isn't going to be too hard
to take her laundry home and do it here with ours, but I am going to look
into all the options.

Evelyn,  I'm so happy to hear the placement plans are finalized.  I'm sure
you will check into the laundry situation.

from John's post: ...>the commercial washers and detergents are very hard n
the clothing.<

It's true, of course.  And some places throw bleach into every load, so the
clothing does deteriorate faster.  However, I was happy to find a
household-heavy duty of course- washer-dryer at my MILs ALF.  They do darks
separately than whites. and pinks-reds in their own load.  It is going all
the time I think as they do tablecloths, napkins, and bedding.  I sometimes
will bring home soiled sweaters; but otherwise, I don't worry about it
anymore.  It's wonderful!  But labeling is a must.

Beth

I do have to agree with John.  My mom has been in a nursing home for almost a year
now, and most everything will disappear, reappear, then disappear again.  Try not
to take anything of value, things that are easily replaceable and you will not be
upset to see *gone*.  I will add that nothing of my mothers has been lost forever,
just somehow have taken short vacations. <g>  The residents love to go *shopping*
... in each others rooms - my mom also.  I can't tell you how many times I have
visited and found her wearing someone else's clothing, and her proudly telling me
that she *just got it*.  <g>  They don't know, I can and have accepted this.   Her
room and closet are very small, so clothing is limited to the current season - I
rotate accordingly.  Personal belongings are also very slim ... hairbrush,
toothbrush (which she now has a collection of), shampoo, perfume, a small radio,
and her favorite chair and throw blanket (she loves to sleep in her chair).

I had to make the decision as to whether I wanted to do her own laundry or have
the home take care of it.  I chose to do it for mom.  I wasn't worried about the
harshness of the commercial soaps, as mom's clothing is nothing grand (again, due
to the constant disappearance) ... but it does save her money each month.  Not a
fortune, but every little bit I can save allows her a few more *luxuries*.  The
home mom is in also has a hairdresser come in once a week - cuts and styles the
residents hair ... if you want.  There is an additional charge, but I felt it was
worth it as it makes mom feel great.  This might also be something you want to
check into.

Has the nursing home staff spoken to you about ways to make the transition for Ida
easier?  I remember the director requesting us to try not to visit for at least a
week - giving mom time to get acclimated to and accept her new surroundings.  It
was the second hardest thing I have ever done (the first was putting mom there),
but really did seem to help immensely.  We also had her belongings all in place
before mom was taken there.  This way when we took her to her room, she recognized
everything and it made her feel more like she was at home.  

I am sure you are having mixed emotions right now, placement is a very hard step
and tough decision to make.  Not too many days go by when I don't question our
decision.  But reality always quickly sets in and I know my mom is where she can
be cared for best.   I am glad you are looking ahead and thinking of some fun ways
to spend your time, and putting your life back in order.  You've had a long, tough
haul - not without it's own rewards - but you and your husband definitely deserve
to find some relaxtion, peace, rest and enjoyment in the days ahead.

Good luck Evelyn, I wish you the best.

Joyce

Thanks so much, Darryl.   They told me they are going to back of on her
medication to find a "baseline" to work from.   This concerns me, but I am
going to talk to the doctor myself about it.

I'm so pleased for you Evelyn.  Mum has been in for three months now and my
life has completely changed for the better.  I'm sure yours will, too.

You are doing the right thing for all of you and deserve a break.

Take care

Barb in UK