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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / April 2004Today
Today we took Ida to the doctor to get the physical that the nursing home application requires. They were all ASTONISHED at how she has declined. The doctor and his staff all complimented us for having stuck it out so long as we have. Three years, it has been! (I didn't think he'd do it, but it couldn't hurt to ask).....I asked if it would be possible to put her in the hospital first for some more detailed assessment of her deficits, and THEN put her into a nursing home. Unfortunately with medicare the way it is, they won't take anyone into a hospital so readily unless there is a truly acute medical issue, that absolutely requires it. So the system isn't playing that game, though we could hope. So we go the regular route to the nursing home, which might be more circuitous. At any rate, she has great health in every other way, but she has lost some weight.... (probably because it is so hard to get her to eat) and she is definitely now officially a diabetic, no more calling it "borderline" it is what it is. She got a tuberculosis test, a blood test, an electrocardiogram, and all the usual other stuff that goes with a good physical. Like I always said, other than her Alzheimers, the woman is in better health than I am.... though this diabetes issue is a new matter to be dealt with. Fortunately we have all been eating pretty much low carb around here for a while now, though I was still giving Ida a muffin for breakfast and a potato with her dinner. Now she will be eating more like we do. So this afternoon the public health nurse will come to do a PRI screen. She is due any minute so I will conclude this. I just want to say how sad all of this makes me. Last week it was the lawyer visit, this week the doctor visit and the public health nurse visit. I feel like I am giving up a baby.... but of course that is a little bit of an exaggeration. It still stinks, and I am going to wonder who is getting up with her in the middle of the night, and if she is eating the food, and a thousand other things.  SignatureEvelyn (To reply to me personally, remove sox) I can only imagine how I will feel if it comes to this with my Mom, glad you are here talking about it. Sorry you are going through it. Hope it goes smoothly. I can give you a sneaky way to get her into the hospital if you wish :)... Ah the things we nurse types know.... > Today we took Ida to the doctor to get the physical that the nursing home > application requires. They were all ASTONISHED at how she has declined. [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > up with her in the middle of the night, and if she is eating the food, and a > thousand other things. > I can only imagine how I will feel if it comes to this with my Mom, glad you > are here talking about it. Sorry you are going through it. Hope it goes > smoothly. > I can give you a sneaky way to get her into the hospital if you wish :)... > Ah the things we nurse types know.... I am sitting here all choked up. The health nurse just left. Ida was worse than usual actually, she was tired from the doctor visit and going out for breakfast and she wouldn't answer any questions, was very weak and wobbly, couldn't stand up alone, or walk alone. I have written you privately. SignatureEvelyn (To reply to me personally, remove sox) > > Today we took Ida to the doctor to get the physical that the nursing home > > application requires. They were all ASTONISHED at how she has declined. [quoted text clipped - 43 lines] > a > > thousand other things. > I am sitting here all choked up. The health nurse just left. Ida was > worse than usual actually, she was tired from the doctor visit and going out > for breakfast and she wouldn't answer any questions, was very weak and > wobbly, couldn't stand up alone, or walk alone. I remember that evaluation for Doris. She didn't understand what was going on and why this strange woman was asking us questions about her life. She didn't really know who I was at that point, just that she should know, so she was frustrated about why I was answering questions about family finances (I've done their taxes for several years, using TurboTax). My husband (her son) had to leave the room once because she started saying that there was no way she would ever let anyone kick her out of her own home. She was supposed to sign the evaluation form once it was completed, but she forgot how to write her name. Be very glad that Ida was not better than usual, that the nurse got to see the full picture. As heart-rending as it is to watch, she needed to know the whole situation, in order to have a better understanding of Ida's needs. I agree with the person who said that you're now going to get a grandchild. Instead of being responsible for all of the toileting and medication, you can instead take joy in the moments you have with her. Beth SignatureThese things I warmly wish to you: Someone to love, Some work to do, A bit o' sun, A bit o' cheer, And a guardian angel always near. -- An Irish Blessing our home page: http://www.IsleOfSky.net Evelyn I did not get a private message, you need to remove "not" from my addy. K? I am sending a hug. I got out today for 3 and a half hours, went walking in the mall, then I went to the library, got a book I wanted to read and went into their reading room (big comfy chairs, cool, quiet, empty...) and sat and pretended to read. You guys made me realize that I Have to ask for help, and DD costs nothing. She was glad to do it. > > I can only imagine how I will feel if it comes to this with my Mom, glad > you [quoted text clipped - 66 lines] > > a > > > thousand other things. Lesanne, I am so glad you took some time for yourself today. Do it as often as you can. Gwen Signature----- The best way to settle an argument is to figure our what is right, not who is right. ----- | Evelyn I did not get a private message, you need to remove "not" from my | addy. K? [quoted text clipped - 89 lines] | > > a | > > > thousand other things. > I just want to say how sad all of this makes me. Last week it was the > lawyer visit, this week the doctor visit and the public health nurse visit. > I feel like I am giving up a baby.... but of course that is a little bit of > an exaggeration. It still stinks, and I am going to wonder who is getting > up with her in the middle of the night, and if she is eating the food, and a > thousand other things. Evelyn, Worrying and sadness are just signs of your love. You have done a Herculean job of taking care of Ida, and the time has come when the best choice for your health and hers is for her to live elsewhere. Who will get up with her in the middle of the night? Someone who has had eight hours' sleep at some other time, not someone functioning on two hours of sleeping "with one ear open." You can still visit -- and I know you will -- and see it as an act of love, not because "if I don't feed/bathe/change/medicate her, no one else will." I have no children or grandchildren, but I know people who say grandchildren are more fun, because you can enjoy your time with them and let someone else handle the dirty diapers, the spit-up, the temper tantrums, etc. Would it help to think of it that way? Instead of giving up a baby, you are gaining a grandbaby? Transitions are always worrisome, but you are making a good choice. You love Ida; she knows it on some level, I am sure. (My pet theory is that we "remember" emotions longer than we do facts, just as we develop a memory for them sooner. A baby does not know all you do for her, but she knows she is loved. I may be way off base, I am no expert in mental function, but this makes sense to me.) Give yourself a hug for me -- and Ida, too. Songbird > > I just want to say how sad all of this makes me. Last week it was the > > lawyer visit, this week the doctor visit and the public health nurse [quoted text clipped - 34 lines] > > Songbird Songbird, your reply came at a very appropriate time. I was sitting here wiping my tears away after the public health nurse just left. Ida was a mess during the whole visit. More confused and less functional than usual. It is time. The report will be arriving very soon by mail and we will be acting on it as soon as is possible. I am very sad, but resolute and know what has to be done. I am just mad at this doggone rotten disease. SignatureEvelyn (To reply to me personally, remove sox) Evelyn, I feel for your sadness as you prepare for Ida's placement. I think it's totally unfair as well as depressing that even when you do everything right-they still decline and need more than you can provide. As far as her doing worse than usual for these assessments--be appreciative that she's showing her true colors. Being on the evaluative side at times myself....you would really have been in a pickle if she performed just fine and sassed back as well. You'd really be in doubt, wouldn't you? Marion was at a bit higher level than Ida (or her deficits are just different) when we sought placement. Going thru the process, I was immensely grateful that we were dealing with people who could identify cognitive deficits.....because sometimes she gave us pause to wonder. But most of the time, there was no problem seeing how far off she was. I hope the transition goes smoothly for you all. I like the idea of thinking of her as a grandbaby. It's still hard to let go... Beth > Songbird, your reply came at a very appropriate time. I was sitting here > wiping my tears away after the public health nurse just left. Ida was a > mess during the whole visit. More confused and less functional than usual. > It is time. The report will be arriving very soon by mail and we will be > acting on it as soon as is possible. I am very sad, but resolute and know > what has to be done. I am just mad at this doggone rotten disease. Evelyn, I know it must be troubling to see Ida this way. But imagine how much more difficult this would be if she "perked up" for the nurse's visit, came off as just a bit charmingly ditzy, and you felt the nurse was looking at *you* cross-eyed. With this disease's vagaries, I'm glad the nurse got a clear picture of what's going on, and please God, all the right circumstances will fall together to get the help you need. Be kind to yourself. And yes, it is a rotten disease, and I am just starting to get to know it. Imagine the lovely vocabulary I will have for it once I have your experience! <G> Songbird >Be kind to yourself. > >And yes, it is a rotten disease, and I am just starting to get to know it. >Imagine the lovely vocabulary I will have for it once I have your >experience! <G> While I'm still planning on getting *even* with the various dementias, the harsh adjectives that I used during my Dad's struggle were soon after replaced with memories of good times. It's been an often sad yet inspirational journey reading about Evelyn's trials and tribulations with Ida. And while hearing Evelyn speak of tears is heart-breaking, I cannot imagine that she will meet this fork in the road with anything other than the same love and strength that she has demonstrated in the past. So, to Evelyn, you've got friends all around the world sending you, Ida and your family our thoughts and prayers. All I ask is that you smile as much as possible. :-) Darryl. Hello Evelyn As you all know I placed Mum into care in January and it was the best thing I have done. Yes, I still feel guilty, but I visit her every other day and she is being looked after so well that I no longer lie awake listening for every sound in case she is up and stumbling. Everyone says I am a different person now and I feel that way myself, in spite of the fact that we've moved to an old house and are in the process of renovating it. I only had Mum with me for two years and you have had Ida for three, but the toll it takes is something I didn't realise until she went into the home. Yes, some days she asks to come home and that is so hard, but it is easy to distract her and I have the energy to do so. You may remember how worried I was about placing Mum, but believe me, the relief is tremendous, knowing she is cared lovingly by people who go home after their shift. Think of the life you and Peter can share. Like Ida, my Mum is physically healthier than both of us. You owe it to yourselves and your own children to enjoy your life. Remember we only get one shot at it. Love Barb in UK > Today we took Ida to the doctor to get the physical that the nursing home > application requires. They were all ASTONISHED at how she has declined. [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > up with her in the middle of the night, and if she is eating the food, and a > thousand other things. Hi Evelyn: I read all the letters that come in and I'm thankful every day I placed my mom in a nursing home. She gets lots of love of the staff and my husband and I have some time together. You will feel the guilt when you place Ida in a nursing home, but it is for the best for both you and your husband. We never had to have a physical before placing my mom,but they did evaluate her. Having Dementia it was easy for them to see she would need a nursing home. Last week my mom fell while getting out of bed and now she has no sight in the left eye. It will be a different world for her now. I usually have her at my home one day a week, just so she can have a change of scenery. She was unable to come to my house this pass week, because she is so weak from not eating and the fall took a toll on her. I visit everyday and stay only for an hour because she sleeps allot now. You do what you have to do and when have to. My thoughts are with you Evelyn, this where I was last year. Dianne > Hello Evelyn > [quoted text clipped - 70 lines] > a > > thousand other things. > Hello Evelyn > [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > > Barb in UK Barb, nice to hear from you on the group again, I'm glad it all worked out well for you after your traumatic few months. I hope you are enjoying ?devon? I have just been watching a programme about buying houses there, made me jealous! SignatureTumbleweed Remove my socks for email address Thanks Tumbleweed, we're in Cornwall, next to Devon! Lovely though. Yes, we took Mum's bed to the home tonight and she thinks it is a new one. She doesn't remember where she ever lived now, except the early years of her marriage. She gets the grandchildren completely muddled up now, it is so sad, but I know I couldn't have coped much more with her living with me. I really admire all the people who are able to have their loved ones with them indefinitely but I could not have coped any longer. I really believe that the quality of her life is better now, she still has her sherry and the staff are wonderful. There are lots of activities although she doesn't join in very often, but at least she could if she wanted to. It's true it is like having a child except that the learning process is unwinding which is so painful. Barb in UK > Barb, > > nice to hear from you on the group again, I'm glad it all worked out well > for you after your traumatic few months. I hope you are enjoying ?devon? I > have just been watching a programme about buying houses there, made me > jealous! Barb, It's nice to hear from you and hear how your situation turned out. I followed your e-mail account of things, all the worries you had ahead of time... I'm so glad things turned out well. Yes, I am sure you are a different person now, and I'm sure Evelyn is long overdue to find herself again too, after devoting 3 years of her life, pretty much 24/7, to someone very needy. Jennie > Hello Evelyn > [quoted text clipped - 70 lines] > a > > thousand other things. Thanks Jennie. I completely understand how Evelyn is feeling at this moment. I have so much appreciated all the help I have had from the people in this group, before I found it I felt so isolated. Like Ida, my Mum was a difficult dominating person with very fixed opinions but now she is completely compliant which is somehow almost worse for me as I was so used to the 'old' version. It is so much easier to cope when you are not responsible 24/7. I was turning into a moaner, my kids were worried about me and saying how much I had changed and are delighted I am back to my old self. I don't post much now as my situation is semi-resolved, thank God, but read all the time and help where I can. Barb in UK > Barb, > [quoted text clipped - 96 lines] > > a > > > thousand other things. Evelyn, I'm so glad you are placing Ida. You and Peter really need some time together that you can enjoy. You could even take a trip together after she gets settled and you are no longer worried about her care. Daddy wouldn't take Mother to the NH; Grayson and I had to do it. She kept saying, "If you loved me you wouldn't leave me here". It wasn't easy at all, but we had to do it. I was working and we lived about 3 1/2 hours away and there was no way Daddy could look after her. I hope you can get Ida placed very soon in the NH you want. Gwen Signature=========================================================== No one can walk all over you without you lying down on the ground first! =========================================================== | Today we took Ida to the doctor to get the physical that the nursing home | application requires. They were all ASTONISHED at how she has declined. [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] | up with her in the middle of the night, and if she is eating the food, and a | thousand other things. > Today we took Ida to the doctor to get the physical that the nursing home > application requires. They were all ASTONISHED at how she has declined. [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > up with her in the middle of the night, and if she is eating the food, and a > thousand other things. Dear Evelyn, I am so sorry it has finally come to this -- but in the same breath, I'm kinda glad that you and Peter will have your lives back. Please know that you and yours are in my prayers. ((((((( Evelyn, Peter, & Ida ))))))) Love, Trish > I just want to say how sad all of this makes me. Last week it was the > lawyer visit, this week the doctor visit and the public health nurse visit. > I feel like I am giving up a baby.... but of course that is a little bit of > an exaggeration. It still stinks, and I am going to wonder who is getting > up with her in the middle of the night, and if she is eating the food, and a > thousand other things. evelyn, you have gone far beyond the call of duty with ida. i know that it's hard letting go, but you need to think of your own health (and peter's, too), as well as the benefit to ida of having true 24 hour care, which you guys just can't do if you want to sleep at all. don't let your compassion override the detachment you really need right now. i'll bet that one of the things about spending so much time on ida's care is that you just haven't had the meditation time you need to refresh yourself. i suspect you'll be around ida's new home often enough to know who's up with her, and what she's eating. > I just want to say how sad all of this makes me. Last week it was the > lawyer visit, this week the doctor visit and the public health nurse visit. > I feel like I am giving up a baby.... but of course that is a little bit of > an exaggeration. It still stinks, and I am going to wonder who is getting > up with her in the middle of the night, and if she is eating the food, and a > thousand other things. You will find out all these things during your visits, I'm sure. My aunt has severe dementia and is in a care home, and my cousin visits her almost every day and the nurses (and two hired part-time outside caregivers that my cousin decided were necessary--nice that the home lets them in) all give her regular, detailed, and sometimes hilarious updates on recent events with my aunt. I've visited her and it is a nice enough facility--just sad she doesn't recognize me or my dog, whom everyone else enjoys (fun!). My folks used to visit her once a week but now that they can't drive, they haven't gone over there. I don't think it matters much as she very rarely recognized them anyway and only found them handy to complain at. :D Jeannie Just because ones' lo does not recognize one anymore is no reason to stop the visits. PLEASE If the visits are upsetting to the lo, that is a good reason to limit them. But the best care goes to the patient whose caregivers are on top of what is going on in the care home. Plus, if the visit is enjoyed, if it gives the patient a chance to vent, if there is some mental, social, or positive emotional stimulation provided by the visit, it is worth the visit. I hate it that so many throw away their lo's just because they are not recognized anymore...............just because the visits are "one sided". It matters. It matters very much. IMnotsoHO Beverly > > I just want to say how sad all of this makes me. Last week it was the > > lawyer visit, this week the doctor visit and the public health nurse visit. [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > Jeannie > Just because ones' lo does not recognize one anymore is no reason to stop > the visits. PLEASE If the visits are upsetting to the lo, that is a good > reason to limit them. But the best care goes to the patient whose > caregivers are on top of what is going on in the care home. I agree, Beverly, but Jeannie's aunt sounds like she still gets plenty of visitors, it's just that Jeannie's parents are unable to visit for perfectly valid reasons. Songbird I agree with Beverly. Please keep visiting. Not only do those people get better care but they remember the emotion of being happy longer then they remember the visit. Puts them in a good mood as it were. Would anyone abandon a child that for some reason was in a facility? We can't keep throwing away our LO's because they don't remember. SignatureMare mfcoleman@THEOLEmindspring.com http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers' FAQs and Stuff Pages > Just because ones' lo does not recognize one anymore is no reason to stop > the visits. PLEASE If the visits are upsetting to the lo, that is a good [quoted text clipped - 37 lines] > > > > Jeannie |
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