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Lee - 21 Mar 2004 03:48 GMT

I'm feeling guilty.... didn't come right home after my class today and
ended up being WAY later than I should have been.... so my MIL got hungry
.... and rather than having a ~milkshake~ or any of the baked goods or
puddings or other assorted snacks we leave for her, she tried to cook
something for herself.... haven't figured out yet WHAT she burned, but she
sure toasted the heck out of the microwave tray in the process... looks and
smells rather like we've had just a bit of a fire, truth be told ....

she denies any such event of course... doesn't have a clue what I'm talking
about... sure scuttled off into her room in a hurry though (with a snack and
a milkshake)

We KNOW she really shouldn't be left alone... and thru the week we've got
things set up so that she rarely is for any length of time at all ....
sometimes half an hour between when the caregiver leaves and I get home....
but it's just so tempting sometimes... things come up .... or it's a one
off, and it's just such a pain to arrange someone ... and then to listen to
her bitch about us having done so for days afterwards (how come THAT stuff
she always remembers?!)

Truth be told, I'm finding that my patience is dwindling... hard to keep it
out of my voice ...she's over the repetitive questioning thing now for the
most part... but I'm finding that inane is NOT an improvement.

The other reason that I'm feeling guilty is that her daughter took her to
the doctor, and for some unknown reason, she came back with a prescription
for Respirdol... no explanation, and truthfully, there was no indication
whatsoever that she needed it, in my partner's or my view.... what do we
know; we just live with her and take care of her every day ... . the
daughter takes her out 2x a week and to the doctor.... asked her why the
doc prescribed it ... she shrugged and said 'maybe because ma said she was
having trouble sleeping'

Seems just a ~tad~ extreme to me ...especially since she goes to bed around
11 and sleeps thru til 8/9 a.m. ... if she's awake during the night, she's
awfully quiet about it. No delusions, no acting out.... I KNOW she's not up
and about during the night... at least not on any of the nights that I'm up
until the wee hours...

Anyway .... I'm thinking that I'm going to have to stick my nose in when it
comes to the doctor thing .... don't particularly want to go there though...
can't win... if I make it an issue, I'm interfering or criticising or ....
and if I don't, I feel guilty for not acting....SOMEONE needs to be
communicating with the doctor, and it sure ain't happening the way things
are.

Think I'm going to call the home care people on Monday and make arrangements
to have the weekly hours increased...we were approved for 8 more per week
than we're using... might as well use them... we're also looking at the
possibility of bringing one of my kids up for the summer, if things do get
as busy with our busiess as it looks like they're going to .... she's good
with her.... and needs a job... and I need to be elsewhere at least part of
the time or I'll go both broke AND nuts!

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Darryl - 21 Mar 2004 04:53 GMT

>The other reason that I'm feeling guilty is that her daughter took her to
>the doctor, and for some unknown reason, she came back with a prescription
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
>doc prescribed it ... she shrugged and said 'maybe because ma said she was
>having trouble sleeping'

One of the side-effects of Rispiridone is sedation; however, it seems
a little excessive given the fact that she gets 9-10 hrs of sleep per
night.

>Anyway .... I'm thinking that I'm going to have to stick my nose in when it
>comes to the doctor thing .... don't particularly want to go there though...
>can't win... if I make it an issue, I'm interfering or criticising or ....
>and if I don't, I feel guilty for not acting....SOMEONE needs to be
>communicating with the doctor, and it sure ain't happening the way things
>are.

If you and your husband are the primary caregivers, IMO, you should be
taking her to the doctor if, in fact, she needs to go.

>Think I'm going to call the home care people on Monday and make arrangements
>to have the weekly hours increased...we were approved for 8 more per week
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>with her.... and needs a job... and I need to be elsewhere at least part of
>the time or I'll go both broke AND nuts!

I would recommend against having your children act as caregivers
unless you're confident the experience will not leave a lasting
negative impression. Although the going broke and nuts part is a
problem.

Take care,
Darryl.

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Dennis P. Harris - 21 Mar 2004 10:12 GMT

> Anyway .... I'm thinking that I'm going to have to stick my nose in when it
> comes to the doctor thing .... don't particularly want to go there though...
> can't win... if I make it an issue, I'm interfering or criticising or ....
> and if I don't, I feel guilty for not acting....SOMEONE needs to be
> communicating with the doctor, and it sure ain't happening the way things
> are.

It's possible that the doc noticed she was delusional?

If you and your SO are the primary caregivers, you or him should
be going to the doc with her, and right into the examination
room, too. Take notes. Have the doc give WRITTEN instructions
on a prescription pad, with copies for both her and you. Then
there's no question about what the doc said.

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Lee - 21 Mar 2004 17:29 GMT

the only ~delusion~ I've noticed in about the past year or so is that she
thinks she's just fine for the most part... a few memory problems... but in
her reality, she copes just fine on her own, and we're just here for the
hell of it... and the ladies come in and do her bath and so on just because
we fuss too much.

I agree with both you and Darryl that we should be doing the doctor thing...
my s-i-l means well, BUT.... very hard to take it over without making my
s-i-l feel cut out, or that we don't appreciate her efforts with ma ...
(although the reality tends to be that we don't, really ...we understand
that she does mean well, but she's really not very good at dealing with
her... often causes more problems than she solves)

doc has apparently suggested that we have a family meeting.... wants my
partner and I to come in for it.... perhaps he'll make the suggestion
(particularly if a ~little birdie~ plants the idea with his receptionist?)
Think I'll set that up this week.

I really am not happy about the Respirdol - mornings used to be her best
time of day; now she's more than she usually is foggy and disoriented.

Re: the kid.... she's 20, and good with people...and it would be a paid job
for her... not HER grandma... don't think I'd have her do it if it was my
mother... but in this case, I think it could work out well.... will keep
the home care workers too, since they're free, and since it's better for my
MIL to keep to a routine/schedule... so she'd be free to do her own thing
then .... we live on a lake and have all sorts of boats & fishing gear, so
it's not a bad place to be ~stuck~ for the summer

> > Anyway .... I'm thinking that I'm going to have to stick my nose in when it
> > comes to the doctor thing .... don't particularly want to go there though...
[quoted text clipped - 10 lines]
> on a prescription pad, with copies for both her and you. Then
> there's no question about what the doc said.

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Dennis P. Harris - 21 Mar 2004 21:17 GMT

> I really am not happy about the Respirdol - mornings used to be her best
> time of day; now she's more than she usually is foggy and disoriented.

if "sundowning" is the problem, try giving her the risperdol at
lunch, or with an afternoon snack.

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