Sonja,

I am sitting here typing with tears running down my face reading your post,
and I don't know whether I am crying in sorrow for your loss, in rejoicing
for your mother's release and home-going or in thanksgiving for the
consolation you have received.

I guess which one doesn't matter. Please know that you are in my prayers.

Songbird
My sweet little mama died in my arms, a week ago, Friday morning at 7:40
am. The only reason I knew the exact time, was that my phone began
ringing. Soon afterward, I found out it was Arthur calling. I think mom
didn't want me to feel alone, after she went Home with Jesus. Arthur
must've sensed her leaving. I told him mom just died. He asked me, to
come over. I told him I'd be there, but I needed more time with mom. I
held her. Kissed her. I brushed her hair and put on her lipstick. I
tucked her in her bedding and went to Arthur's. It wasn't until I walked
around the corner to their house that it hit me. When I hugged Arthur
and walked into their house and saw mom's easy chair missing, next to
his. We moved her chair to my house. It was such a stark reality. We
held eachother close for a long time, but I left, soon after. I wanted
to get home to put mom's nighty on. She wasn't able to lift her arms, so
she was only dressed with a button-up nightshirt on backwards. I needed
to be with her.
Arthur & I decided not to tell Carol, until after Adam picked up the
kids. It wasn't until 12:30 and then Carol & Arthur arrived at my house.
I waited until then to call hospice. Desert Memorial arrived an hour
later to take mom. We waited in the backyard. They said it wouldn't be
good to see that. It was while I was standing out back, when they were
physically taking her from the house that was so hard for me to bare.
Then Carol, Arthur & I drove to my brother's house. He didn't know,
until he opened his door and saw the three of us standing there. We
stayed at Steve's for several hours. He has an incredible home theatre,
where he took us away with the discovery channel.  We left Steve's with
plans for us to have dinner together the next night. We stopped by
Albertson's to get food for Arthur. We had dinner and I went home. I
layed down on my bed, without disturbing mom's bedding next to me. I
cried for my mama that night. I cried for my baby I took care for. The
next day, I layed down and watched movies, until it was time to go to
Carol's for dinner. Arthur & I went over to Carol's about 5pm. Steve
arrived. My dad was there. We bar-b-q'd ribs, and watched movies. It was
actually a beautiful evening together. I napped in Carol's bed. Arthur &
I left at midnight.
Sunday, I began editing a video of mom. It lifted me so incredibly.
It helped me replace the devistating images of mom with her happy,
healthy self. But by nightfall, I was still wanting to scream. It was
just too much the last few weeks of her life. Steve had called, and I
said I planned to take up hospice's offer for grief counseling. I felt
obsessed with the images of her suffering. The next morning, I was
sitting outside with my coffee and all of a sudden the most beautiful,
healing experience is the only way I can describe, took place. It felt
like someone or something entered into my body and was holding me from
the inside out. My whole being was filled with an incredible love and
comfort that I'd never before experienced. Outloud, I said, Wow! Mom!!!.
She held me for several minutes while I cried. I was afraid to move,
because I didn't want this moment to end. But she stayed there with me,
and held me until I understood that she was well now and she wasn't
suffering anymore. She didn't want me to suffer anymore, because since
that morning, I no longer feel the pain from the last few weeks. I just
feel her love. Everyday, until her service on Friday, I went through
home videos and added snippets of mom through her happy, healthy years.
I played her video at her service we held for the family at mom &
Arthur's house.
I will always have tears, because I miss her so much. But I have no more
tears from her dying days. It feels surreal that she's gone. I catch
myself when I want to call her or go see her, and then suddenly realize
she's no longer here anymore.
I thank God for the weeks He gave me to say goodbye to her. For giving
me all those days to hold her, kiss her, touch her, talk to her. For
bringing her loving spirit to me that day. I will cherish every moment
for the rest of my life. I am so Blessed.

Sonja

Sonja, my sympathy on the loss of your mother, but am so thankful for your
experience that took away your pain of the last of her days.  Enjoy your
memories of the good times.
God bless.
Gwen

My sweet little mama died in my arms, a week ago, Friday morning at 7:40
am. The only reason I knew the exact time, was that my phone began
ringing. Soon afterward, I found out it was Arthur calling. I think mom
didn't want me to feel alone, after she went Home with Jesus. Arthur
must've sensed her leaving. I told him mom just died. He asked me, to
come over. I told him I'd be there, but I needed more time with mom. I
held her. Kissed her. I brushed her hair and put on her lipstick. I
tucked her in her bedding and went to Arthur's. It wasn't until I walked
around the corner to their house that it hit me. When I hugged Arthur
and walked into their house and saw mom's easy chair missing, next to
his. We moved her chair to my house. It was such a stark reality. We
held eachother close for a long time, but I left, soon after. I wanted
to get home to put mom's nighty on. She wasn't able to lift her arms, so
she was only dressed with a button-up nightshirt on backwards. I needed
to be with her.
Arthur & I decided not to tell Carol, until after Adam picked up the
kids. It wasn't until 12:30 and then Carol & Arthur arrived at my house.
I waited until then to call hospice. Desert Memorial arrived an hour
later to take mom. We waited in the backyard. They said it wouldn't be
good to see that. It was while I was standing out back, when they were
physically taking her from the house that was so hard for me to bare.
Then Carol, Arthur & I drove to my brother's house. He didn't know,
until he opened his door and saw the three of us standing there. We
stayed at Steve's for several hours. He has an incredible home theatre,
where he took us away with the discovery channel.  We left Steve's with
plans for us to have dinner together the next night. We stopped by
Albertson's to get food for Arthur. We had dinner and I went home. I
layed down on my bed, without disturbing mom's bedding next to me. I
cried for my mama that night. I cried for my baby I took care for. The
next day, I layed down and watched movies, until it was time to go to
Carol's for dinner. Arthur & I went over to Carol's about 5pm. Steve
arrived. My dad was there. We bar-b-q'd ribs, and watched movies. It was
actually a beautiful evening together. I napped in Carol's bed. Arthur &
I left at midnight.
Sunday, I began editing a video of mom. It lifted me so incredibly.
It helped me replace the devistating images of mom with her happy,
healthy self. But by nightfall, I was still wanting to scream. It was
just too much the last few weeks of her life. Steve had called, and I
said I planned to take up hospice's offer for grief counseling. I felt
obsessed with the images of her suffering. The next morning, I was
sitting outside with my coffee and all of a sudden the most beautiful,
healing experience is the only way I can describe, took place. It felt
like someone or something entered into my body and was holding me from
the inside out. My whole being was filled with an incredible love and
comfort that I'd never before experienced. Outloud, I said, Wow! Mom!!!.
She held me for several minutes while I cried. I was afraid to move,
because I didn't want this moment to end. But she stayed there with me,
and held me until I understood that she was well now and she wasn't
suffering anymore. She didn't want me to suffer anymore, because since
that morning, I no longer feel the pain from the last few weeks. I just
feel her love. Everyday, until her service on Friday, I went through
home videos and added snippets of mom through her happy, healthy years.
I played her video at her service we held for the family at mom &
Arthur's house.
I will always have tears, because I miss her so much. But I have no more
tears from her dying days. It feels surreal that she's gone. I catch
myself when I want to call her or go see her, and then suddenly realize
she's no longer here anymore.
I thank God for the weeks He gave me to say goodbye to her. For giving
me all those days to hold her, kiss her, touch her, talk to her. For
bringing her loving spirit to me that day. I will cherish every moment
for the rest of my life. I am so Blessed.

Sonja

Sonja,

Reading your post that was so full of love for your dear mother made me
think so much about my own mom whom I lost in the year 2000.

You are in my prayers and I hope your best memories will give you comfort.

My sweet little mama died in my arms, a week ago, Friday morning at 7:40
am. The only reason I knew the exact time, was that my phone began
ringing. Soon afterward, I found out it was Arthur calling. I think mom
didn't want me to feel alone, after she went Home with Jesus. Arthur
must've sensed her leaving. I told him mom just died. He asked me, to
come over. I told him I'd be there, but I needed more time with mom. I
held her. Kissed her. I brushed her hair and put on her lipstick. I
tucked her in her bedding and went to Arthur's. It wasn't until I walked
around the corner to their house that it hit me. When I hugged Arthur
and walked into their house and saw mom's easy chair missing, next to
his. We moved her chair to my house. It was such a stark reality. We
held eachother close for a long time, but I left, soon after. I wanted
to get home to put mom's nighty on. She wasn't able to lift her arms, so
she was only dressed with a button-up nightshirt on backwards. I needed
to be with her.
Arthur & I decided not to tell Carol, until after Adam picked up the
kids. It wasn't until 12:30 and then Carol & Arthur arrived at my house.
I waited until then to call hospice. Desert Memorial arrived an hour
later to take mom. We waited in the backyard. They said it wouldn't be
good to see that. It was while I was standing out back, when they were
physically taking her from the house that was so hard for me to bare.
Then Carol, Arthur & I drove to my brother's house. He didn't know,
until he opened his door and saw the three of us standing there. We
stayed at Steve's for several hours. He has an incredible home theatre,
where he took us away with the discovery channel.  We left Steve's with
plans for us to have dinner together the next night. We stopped by
Albertson's to get food for Arthur. We had dinner and I went home. I
layed down on my bed, without disturbing mom's bedding next to me. I
cried for my mama that night. I cried for my baby I took care for. The
next day, I layed down and watched movies, until it was time to go to
Carol's for dinner. Arthur & I went over to Carol's about 5pm. Steve
arrived. My dad was there. We bar-b-q'd ribs, and watched movies. It was
actually a beautiful evening together. I napped in Carol's bed. Arthur &
I left at midnight.
Sunday, I began editing a video of mom. It lifted me so incredibly.
It helped me replace the devistating images of mom with her happy,
healthy self. But by nightfall, I was still wanting to scream. It was
just too much the last few weeks of her life. Steve had called, and I
said I planned to take up hospice's offer for grief counseling. I felt
obsessed with the images of her suffering. The next morning, I was
sitting outside with my coffee and all of a sudden the most beautiful,
healing experience is the only way I can describe, took place. It felt
like someone or something entered into my body and was holding me from
the inside out. My whole being was filled with an incredible love and
comfort that I'd never before experienced. Outloud, I said, Wow! Mom!!!.
She held me for several minutes while I cried. I was afraid to move,
because I didn't want this moment to end. But she stayed there with me,
and held me until I understood that she was well now and she wasn't
suffering anymore. She didn't want me to suffer anymore, because since
that morning, I no longer feel the pain from the last few weeks. I just
feel her love. Everyday, until her service on Friday, I went through
home videos and added snippets of mom through her happy, healthy years.
I played her video at her service we held for the family at mom &
Arthur's house.
I will always have tears, because I miss her so much. But I have no more
tears from her dying days. It feels surreal that she's gone. I catch
myself when I want to call her or go see her, and then suddenly realize
she's no longer here anymore.
I thank God for the weeks He gave me to say goodbye to her. For giving
me all those days to hold her, kiss her, touch her, talk to her. For
bringing her loving spirit to me that day. I will cherish every moment
for the rest of my life. I am so Blessed.

Sonja

Sonja,
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope your Mom's arms continue to hold
you for a long time.
Mare

My sweet little mama died in my arms, a week ago, Friday morning
at 7:40
am. The only reason I knew the exact time, was that my phone
began
ringing. Soon afterward, I found out it was Arthur calling. I
think mom
didn't want me to feel alone, after she went Home with Jesus.
Arthur
must've sensed her leaving. I told him mom just died. He asked
me, to
come over. I told him I'd be there, but I needed more time with
mom. I
held her. Kissed her. I brushed her hair and put on her lipstick.
I
tucked her in her bedding and went to Arthur's. It wasn't until I
walked
around the corner to their house that it hit me. When I hugged
Arthur
and walked into their house and saw mom's easy chair missing,
next to
his. We moved her chair to my house. It was such a stark reality.
We
held eachother close for a long time, but I left, soon after. I
wanted
to get home to put mom's nighty on. She wasn't able to lift her
arms, so
she was only dressed with a button-up nightshirt on backwards. I
needed
to be with her.
Arthur & I decided not to tell Carol, until after Adam picked up
the
kids. It wasn't until 12:30 and then Carol & Arthur arrived at my
house.
I waited until then to call hospice. Desert Memorial arrived an
hour
later to take mom. We waited in the backyard. They said it
wouldn't be
good to see that. It was while I was standing out back, when they
were
physically taking her from the house that was so hard for me to
bare.
Then Carol, Arthur & I drove to my brother's house. He didn't
know,
until he opened his door and saw the three of us standing there.
We
stayed at Steve's for several hours. He has an incredible home
theatre,
where he took us away with the discovery channel.  We left
Steve's with
plans for us to have dinner together the next night. We stopped
by
Albertson's to get food for Arthur. We had dinner and I went
home. I
layed down on my bed, without disturbing mom's bedding next to
me. I
cried for my mama that night. I cried for my baby I took care
for. The
next day, I layed down and watched movies, until it was time to
go to
Carol's for dinner. Arthur & I went over to Carol's about 5pm.
Steve
arrived. My dad was there. We bar-b-q'd ribs, and watched movies.
It was
actually a beautiful evening together. I napped in Carol's bed.
Arthur &
I left at midnight.
Sunday, I began editing a video of mom. It lifted me so
incredibly.
It helped me replace the devistating images of mom with her
happy,
healthy self. But by nightfall, I was still wanting to scream. It
was
just too much the last few weeks of her life. Steve had called,
and I
said I planned to take up hospice's offer for grief counseling. I
felt
obsessed with the images of her suffering. The next morning, I
was
sitting outside with my coffee and all of a sudden the most
beautiful,
healing experience is the only way I can describe, took place. It
felt
like someone or something entered into my body and was holding me
from
the inside out. My whole being was filled with an incredible love
and
comfort that I'd never before experienced. Outloud, I said, Wow!
Mom!!!.
She held me for several minutes while I cried. I was afraid to
move,
because I didn't want this moment to end. But she stayed there
with me,
and held me until I understood that she was well now and she
wasn't
suffering anymore. She didn't want me to suffer anymore, because
since
that morning, I no longer feel the pain from the last few weeks.
I just
feel her love. Everyday, until her service on Friday, I went
through
home videos and added snippets of mom through her happy, healthy
years.
I played her video at her service we held for the family at mom &
Arthur's house.
I will always have tears, because I miss her so much. But I have
no more
tears from her dying days. It feels surreal that she's gone. I
catch
myself when I want to call her or go see her, and then suddenly
realize
she's no longer here anymore.
I thank God for the weeks He gave me to say goodbye to her. For
giving
me all those days to hold her, kiss her, touch her, talk to her.
For
bringing her loving spirit to me that day. I will cherish every
moment
for the rest of my life. I am so Blessed.

Sonja

Sonja, my deepest sympathy to you on the loss of your mom. You were
such a loving daughter to her and cared so very tenderly for her. I
sit typing this with tears streaming down my face. You brought back to
me all the emotions I felt on the day my mom left me to go to a better
place. I was also lucky enough to feel my mom's presence in the week
following her death.
   It woke me up one night as I was sure I felt her arm on my mine,
and heard her speaking to me. But, just recently, I had another sense
of her with me- and it was exactly as you described it so beautifully.
I had just learned of a friend's mom, also with AD, who had passed. I
went to meditate in front of the fireplace, just as I did the morning
after my mom's passing.
  Just like before, the gas fireplace had all of a sudden had no
pilot light. I stood in front of it, closing my eyes as I recalled the
feelings I had a little over a year ago after my mom died. All of
sudden, I felt her strongly holding me and surrounding me with her
love. It was almost a vibration that hummed through my body. You
descibed perfectly how I felt. Know that the journey through grief,
while long, will bring you back time and again to the love you and
your mom shared. (hospice grief support is a wonderful thing- please
take advantage of it, even if it's just the mailings you might
recieve) And know your mom is with you all the time, every day- and
will share her love with you in many unexpected ways. Kindest regards
from Lynn

Dear Sonja,
I've been away for a few days, so am just now able to respond to your post.
I'm very sorry about the death of your mom.  What a wonderful daughter you
are.

Trish

My sweet little mama died in my arms, a week ago, Friday morning at 7:40
am. The only reason I knew the exact time, was that my phone began
ringing. Soon afterward, I found out it was Arthur calling. I think mom
didn't want me to feel alone, after she went Home with Jesus. Arthur
must've sensed her leaving. I told him mom just died. He asked me, to
come over. I told him I'd be there, but I needed more time with mom. I
held her. Kissed her. I brushed her hair and put on her lipstick. I
tucked her in her bedding and went to Arthur's. It wasn't until I walked
around the corner to their house that it hit me. When I hugged Arthur
and walked into their house and saw mom's easy chair missing, next to
his. We moved her chair to my house. It was such a stark reality. We
held eachother close for a long time, but I left, soon after. I wanted
to get home to put mom's nighty on. She wasn't able to lift her arms, so
she was only dressed with a button-up nightshirt on backwards. I needed
to be with her.
Arthur & I decided not to tell Carol, until after Adam picked up the
kids. It wasn't until 12:30 and then Carol & Arthur arrived at my house.
I waited until then to call hospice. Desert Memorial arrived an hour
later to take mom. We waited in the backyard. They said it wouldn't be
good to see that. It was while I was standing out back, when they were
physically taking her from the house that was so hard for me to bare.
Then Carol, Arthur & I drove to my brother's house. He didn't know,
until he opened his door and saw the three of us standing there. We
stayed at Steve's for several hours. He has an incredible home theatre,
where he took us away with the discovery channel.  We left Steve's with
plans for us to have dinner together the next night. We stopped by
Albertson's to get food for Arthur. We had dinner and I went home. I
layed down on my bed, without disturbing mom's bedding next to me. I
cried for my mama that night. I cried for my baby I took care for. The
next day, I layed down and watched movies, until it was time to go to
Carol's for dinner. Arthur & I went over to Carol's about 5pm. Steve
arrived. My dad was there. We bar-b-q'd ribs, and watched movies. It was
actually a beautiful evening together. I napped in Carol's bed. Arthur &
I left at midnight.
Sunday, I began editing a video of mom. It lifted me so incredibly.
It helped me replace the devistating images of mom with her happy,
healthy self. But by nightfall, I was still wanting to scream. It was
just too much the last few weeks of her life. Steve had called, and I
said I planned to take up hospice's offer for grief counseling. I felt
obsessed with the images of her suffering. The next morning, I was
sitting outside with my coffee and all of a sudden the most beautiful,
healing experience is the only way I can describe, took place. It felt
like someone or something entered into my body and was holding me from
the inside out. My whole being was filled with an incredible love and
comfort that I'd never before experienced. Outloud, I said, Wow! Mom!!!.
She held me for several minutes while I cried. I was afraid to move,
because I didn't want this moment to end. But she stayed there with me,
and held me until I understood that she was well now and she wasn't
suffering anymore. She didn't want me to suffer anymore, because since
that morning, I no longer feel the pain from the last few weeks. I just
feel her love. Everyday, until her service on Friday, I went through
home videos and added snippets of mom through her happy, healthy years.
I played her video at her service we held for the family at mom &
Arthur's house.
I will always have tears, because I miss her so much. But I have no more
tears from her dying days. It feels surreal that she's gone. I catch
myself when I want to call her or go see her, and then suddenly realize
she's no longer here anymore.
I thank God for the weeks He gave me to say goodbye to her. For giving
me all those days to hold her, kiss her, touch her, talk to her. For
bringing her loving spirit to me that day. I will cherish every moment
for the rest of my life. I am so Blessed.

Sonja