First -- I am so grateful to have this group here so I can blow off some
steam among those of you who are further along this awful journey than I am!

I haven't posted about my specific situation in a while. To recap: our
concern has been my mom, who although only 66 has had some "episodes" that I
suspect were truly TIAs. Since then her memory is spotty -- once she forgot
my last name, she thought it was Christmas two days in a row, she is
sometimes unsure what month it is (*I* am not always sure what *date* it
is -- but I can get the month!! <G>). She can only cook following recipes,
and if my dad leaves the house without her, she cannot remember where he has
gone. Last September my dad said it was time to move closer to doctors and
to someone who could help him with her when the time came, since they live
in a remote resort area an hour from doctors.  (I should say "good"
doctors -- her current doctor says nothing is wrong with her!!! He's of the
"she's just getting older" school.)

We put their house on the market and found a nice patio home under
construction here. The house has not sold yet (no one buys lake property in
the winter!), but their new home isn't finished either. Mom actually seemed
to perk up with the move preparations once she accepted the need. I think
having things to do has helped her focus when she has her "good" days.

Now my concern is Dad. Three recent incidents:

1. Two weeks ago he called to tell me his cordless phone would not work
after he replaced the battery. He couldn't figure out what to do. (I suspect
the phone, one of the earliest cordless models, has simply gone to Phone
Heaven.) Although it was plugged into the phone line and the power jack, he
had not thought to check either of those. I'll check it this weekend.

2. Last week, he called the Realtor he used down here to ask his advice
about taking the house off the market since it hasn't sold yet. Fortunately,
the Realtor here is a friend of mine who has been through this with his own
dad. He strongly advised against such a move since we are coming into prime
selling seasons, with all the azaleas and dogwoods in bloom. The Realtor
talked him out of it, and Dad has not mentioned it to me. Good thing the
Realtor did!

3. Yesterday he called to ask me to bring back one of the power tools he had
given me since he had discovered a small repair that he needed it for. I was
not home, and my husband of 23 years answered the home phone. Dad seemed
surprised a man was answering "my" phone. He then asked for my husband, and
when my husband, said "This is he," he asked for him again. Husband's voice
was obviously not familiar to him. He then launched into his request, just
saying he needed this drill, never identifying himself. Fortunately, I have
very few unidentified men calling to request power tools.

(On another call, he identified himself to my husband as his stepfather,
which was quite surprising, considering my in-laws have been married 46
years. Mom reminded him the proper word was "father-in-law," to which he
replied "whatever." It's scary but funny too. I guess you have to find the
humor.)

He is not willing to admit he is having problems, insisting nothing is wrong
with his memory. True, his memory lapses are not as obvious as Mom's, but
his judgment and problem-solving abilities are seriously deteriorating. (i
have posted separately today about his inability to deal with a tire
blowout.) This is an ex-Marine, ex-minister who always knew everything about
everything (whether he did or not). As soon as they get here, I hope to have
complete physical workups on both of them, under cover of "getting
established with the new doctor." A true diagnosis would help.

Evelyn, you are right. These early stages really *suck*!! Because their
money is very limited, I have been trying to keep them there until the house
sells so they don't have two house payments (even assuming they could get a
bridge loan of some sort). I am starting to think that will not be possible
and when their house here is completed in two months, I will have to move
them, two house payments or no. I can't help with the day-to-day stuff from
4-1/2 hours away. He *says* he has no trouble with the finances, but
considering the other incidents, I wouldn't count on it. Fortunately, I do
have POAs already recorded with the clerk of court and ready to go.

And part of me is really angry -- and yes, frightened -- that I have to do
this *now* -- I am only 43. I expected to face this in my late 50s or early
60s -- my parents have longevity genes galore. Someone once told me that the
day you truly become an adult is the day that you realize that your parents
will not live forever. I was not ready to be an adult yet!

And then another part of me is ashamed that I feel this anger and
resentment -- my prescribed role in the family is "the good girl," while my
brother is the "still a kid at 40" one. Part of me thinks I should go ahead
and join the local caregivers' support group, and part of me says "If you
think THIS is tough, what are you gonna do when ..."

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. My brother just says "I know you'll do
fine, sis," and my husband says "You're borrowing trouble." Nice to come
somewhere that people know what I am talking about and don't dismiss my
concerns

Songbird