AD and valuables

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Evelyn Ruut - 18 Mar 2004 13:32 GMT

Mary has just commented on this important issue in another post, and I
wanted to add to it.

Ida got into the strange habit of giving all her jewelry away. Back then,
I mentioned it here, and it was suggested that we hide the more valuable
items. We did that, and thank goodness we did, or there would have been
nothing left for her granddaughter, and I knew that when she was in her
"right" mind, that was what she wanted.

So she had something to wear, I bought her a lot of (not too expensive but
very nice) costume jewelry, and even that was given away. Even costume
jewelry isn't cheap, and especially the nicer stuff. But Ida continued
giving it away at the daycare center. If she gave it to an employee of the
center they always returned it, but sometimes she gave it to other clients,
and of course they kept it. So much of her jewelry is gone, and now I no
longer replace things.

It is a strange habit of hers, and I have no idea what motivated her to do
that. But it is important to be aware that giving things away or hiding
them in places where they will never be found again, is a strange habit they
often develop as this illness progresses.

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Evelyn

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DuPuisR@webtv.net - 18 Mar 2004 15:50 GMT

This reminds me: for those of you whose loved ones have passed away, be
sure that the care facility they resided at returns anything that you
gave your loved one while they were there or at least gives some
accounting of what happened to it ("We think her roommate may have taken
it. We've looked but haven't been able to find it.").

We never got back any of the things our mother had there, such as a
"throw" that had belonged to her sister (who also died of AZ). The ALF
didn't even offer to return the items.

http://community-1.webtv.net/Dalesdomain/CatchMyFancy

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Paul R. Bennett - 20 Mar 2004 07:02 GMT

Evelyn, Mary
May I add an additional thought, from my viewpoint?
Which may get rather complex, although I hear what you are saying.
In my case, I was a "Son" dealing with the issues, not a "Husband" or "Wife"
which means I am approaching a nasty legal problem from a whole different view
point.
You mentin valuable jewelary, okay, I can understand that.
But here is another entire issue to consider.
What about things like Life Insurance policies, Wills, Car Insurances, health
insurance, titles, deeds, birth certificates, marriage certificates, powers of
attorney, and probably a host of other priceless and important legal documents?

Side note to Ms. Mary Gorden... This is leading up to one of "Paul's Terrible
Tips"
These are very important legal documents. For the sake of your loved one, you,
as a care giver, need to know where they are. If you, as a caregiver, can get
the legal authority, seek through, find, gather all these documents together and
keep them safe, you will need them.
I know, I harp on the legal document side. Like I tried so often to tell Mom
and Dad, I don't expect to inherit, I ask nothing of your estate, for what
monetary wealth can you leave me in your passing that can even begin to replace
you.
But, I must legally, as any care giver, dealing with their passing legally, have
all te docmentation available.

"Paul's Rules #1": Find the legal documents and keep them together, all of
them, as a caregiver you will need them. You will need to clean up the estate.

"Paul's Rules #2": Keep Receipts, for everything, right down to the postage
stamps. Be able to account for where every single cent went, just in case.

> Mary has just commented on this important issue in another post, and I
> wanted to add to it.
[quoted text clipped - 22 lines]
>
> (To reply to me personally, remove sox)

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Evelyn Ruut - 20 Mar 2004 14:33 GMT

Paul you are absolutely right about important papers being often even more
valuable than a persons jewelry. Which brings me to another important
point.

When Ida came to live here my husband took possession of her metal box
containing all important papers, first of all to simply assess it. We also
went through everything in her house carefully, not to lose anything of any
importance.

This was a good thing, because she had a lot of garbage mixed in with the
important stuff, and also because of the following reason;

Ida had a habit of ruffling through ALL her papers and possessions over and
over again obsessively. She was SO AFRAID of losing her papers, her keys,
her bankbooks, her various medical and identity paperwork. She would do
this for hours, looking over and over again for this, for that, finding it
then losing it over and over and over. It was awful and she would do this
for hours on end, stressing herself out.

When he told her UNEQUIVOCALLY that HE had her papers safe and sound and
they were locked in the safe, and NO he didn't want to get it out just
now.....it broke that obsessive and horrible, habitual, repetitive
rummaging.

She was absolutely TORTURED by that rummaging habit. Only after the items
were removed could she begin to trust, to relax, to try and enjoy her life a
little bit.

Caregiving requires a lot of common sense. In another person it might not
have been necessary. In Ida's case it was mandatory.

Another of those early stage situations I had almost forgotten. The early
stages can be just awful. Far worse then where she is "at" right now.

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Evelyn

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> Evelyn, Mary
> May I add an additional thought, from my viewpoint?
[quoted text clipped - 26 lines]
> "Paul's Rules #2": Keep Receipts, for everything, right down to the postage
> stamps. Be able to account for where every single cent went, just in case.

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Gwen Love - 20 Mar 2004 22:11 GMT

Evelyn, Grayson was continually going through his wallet. He would pull
everything out and couldn't put it back. No sooner than I had put it back,
he would pull everything out again. I finally took everything except his
ID card and one $1.00 bill out.
Gwen

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===========================================
Run after two rabbits and you won't catch either one
===========================================

| Paul you are absolutely right about important papers being often even more
| valuable than a persons jewelry. Which brings me to another important
[quoted text clipped - 76 lines]
| > stamps. Be able to account for where every single cent went, just in
| case.

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Evelyn Ruut - 20 Mar 2004 22:29 GMT

> Evelyn, Grayson was continually going through his wallet. He would pull
> everything out and couldn't put it back. No sooner than I had put it back,
> he would pull everything out again. I finally took everything except his
> ID card and one $1.00 bill out.
> Gwen

Hi Gwen,

Yes, exactly. We did the same. These experiences are so important for us
to pass on to the new people whose loved ones are just being diagnosed.

I remember early on, we were afraid to take responsibility or to take over
anything for fear of offending her. After all, she had been a fiercely
independent person.

As time went on there was just no choice in the matter.

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Evelyn

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> | Paul you are absolutely right about important papers being often even
> more
[quoted text clipped - 93 lines]
> | > stamps. Be able to account for where every single cent went, just in
> | case.

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Paul R. Bennett - 20 Mar 2004 23:56 GMT

Ms. Ruut, Ms. Love
I admit I had not thought about it from the standpoint of the AD sufferer, I was
thinking from the standpoint of the caregiver, but Ms. Ruut, you have a point,
if the AD sufferer can find a point of reassurance, then that is a good thing,
if it calms them a bit.
Oh, and,
"Paul's Terrible Tip #3:"
Beng a caregiver for an Alzheimers or dementia patient can be very physically
demanding. Ponder trying to lift or deal with an adult who may weigh in
anywhere from 120 pounds on up, and may well even be violent. (Been there, done
that, 180 lb adult male, very fit, dealing with a frail elderly, sometimes
violent person{Thank you Martial Arts Sensei, for teaching me Heart and fitness,
and giving me the knowledge and skill to be able to gently block attacks}). I
do not want to think of what I would have faced if I had not been physically
fit. If you , as a caregiver, are not physically fit, you may well be facing
horrors that will destroy you both
Hey, I had to handle mom a lot, get her in the bathtub. Shower Seats can be
good!, so can this elastic web belt as let us help mom into the bathtub.
I digress, Evelyn, I mention this because I got majorily bit in the backside
when Dad died. First, I had to run up some several hours and evac him from his
apartment to an ALF. Then I had to go through what little I could find and
salvage repeatedly to try to find all the necessary legal info I needed.
If I could have, then I would have first gotten a binding power of attorney, and
then gone to the courts and gotten the legal determination of competance. Then
I would have taken every document I could get my hands on and stick the lot in a
safe deposit box. I would also have made absolutely sure that competent medical
authorities who were caregivers for my parents had on file copies of living
wills, do not resuscite orders, and medical surrogacy letters.
I know, for caregivers in the early stages of this disease, this sounds terrible
and very negative. For them, I wish so much I could give gentler, more hopeful
advice.
Oh, and, I write. Some while back I wrote some stories dealing with AIDS, and
love from the heart, and caregiving. I could write it about AIDS, because it
did not touch me directly, but I am still trying to write about Alzheimers.
Paul

> Paul you are absolutely right about important papers being often even more
> valuable than a persons jewelry. Which brings me to another important
[quoted text clipped - 81 lines]
> > stamps. Be able to account for where every single cent went, just in
> case.

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