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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / February 2004New here
I am new here and wanted to say hello. I care for my mother who is 81years of age and suffers from Alzheimer's. She lives in my home with me. I am not married so I have it all by myself. I work during the day and she stays here alone. I come home for lunch every day and feed her and I get off work at 3:30 and come straight home. She is pretty coherent really but she has a memory of about 30 seconds and an attention span of about 15 seconds. She can remember just about anything if I remind her. Really she is not as bad, yet, as many with the disease. But, she continues to fail more and more and it is only a matter of time. She is getting very clumsy and falls. Last Friday I got off work early and we went to Chick-fil-a for lunch. As we were leaving she lost her balance and fell - it didn't really hurt her except for a skinned knee and a big black eye. Now the bruise covers her whole face and has turned yellow with red around her eye. Boy, she really drew a crowd at the Chick-fil-a!! It seems now that she is getting very frustrated and stays mad all the time. She blames me for her problem saying that I have driven her to this. Also, she wants to be active in the house and do "housework" but makes the biggest mess. I just let her at it and fix it when she is done. She is taking a hand full of pills twice a day. She takes 150MG of Zoloft each day as well as heart pills and water pills and blood pressure pills. We are having a time. When she gets a little worse I will have to place her somewhere. Since the disease is not taken her out of reality except for robbing her of good judgment, I don't know how I will get her someplace. I jokingly say I need a tranquilizer dart and net to get her to go. She is very, very strong willed and getting worse as it progresses. It will be an impossible task. Please everyone, pray for me and Mom and I will you too. > I am new here and wanted to say hello. > [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > Please everyone, pray for me and Mom and I will you too. Welcome Greg.  SignatureEvelyn (To reply to me personally, remove sox) I don't envy you.... being a caregiver is enough of a challenge without having to do it all by yourself.... helps a lot to have someone to share the load... or at least to vent to have you looked at possibly finding someone to come in while you're at work? Will likely be necessary, if not right away, then soon. We started by just having someone come in 'to clean' ... my MIL was totally resistant to having someone come in for her... but she didn't mind a cleaning lady .... we just ~happened~ to find a cleaning lady who is also a personal support worker.... it sure made things easier when we started having home care workers in for her > I am new here and wanted to say hello. > [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > Please everyone, pray for me and Mom and I will you too. Presenting extra help in a facesaving way is always a good plan. Our first foray was getting our financial planner to take over my MILs finances. We were able to convince my MIL by putting the spin on it that it was such a boring and time consuming job, so why should she spend her precious time fighting with her books when she had better things to do. Let Janet do it! We didn't let on she wasn't competent to do it any more, or that it was in a muddle - it was more that heck, why would you want to do it when we can get someone else to do it. We were much helped by the fact she'd had an accountant doing the taxes in past years, and he was much more expensive than our planner - so we had a price selling point as well, never mind that Janet was able to totally organize everything to make it managable.. We put a similar spin on the home care person - although she was actually hired to make sure my MIL was bathed, fed and that the household was in some semblance of order, we spun it that my MILs knees and hip were bad, so we didn't want her doing tiresome housework like oven cleaning - i.e. she was doing US a favour by accepting a housekeeper, and besides, why should she be bothered with all those messy and difficult tasks when we could get someone to do it! We never let on that the real problem was that she wasn't capable of adequately doing basic domestic tasks like her laundry or keeping the place clean, or making sure there were basic supplies on hand. We just tried to paint her as a lady of leisure who had better things to do with her time, and had earned the right not to do yucky jobs. Worked pretty well. She had a hard time at first with the idea of a strange person in the house, but soon started to really enjoy the company. Mary G. > I am new here and wanted to say hello. > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > I work during the day and she stays here alone. I come home for lunch every > day and feed her and I get off work at 3:30 and come straight home. Your routine sounds very familiar. We are now doing live in 24 (or 36) hour a day care. > She is pretty coherent really but she has a memory of about 30 seconds and > an attention span of about 15 seconds. She can remember just about [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > big black eye. Now the bruise covers her whole face and has turned yellow > with red around her eye. Boy, she really drew a crowd at the Chick-fil-a!! If she asks questions repeatedly, just answer her and don't get angry. 15-30 secs memory is as good as it's going to get. Loss of balance and tendency to fall comes with the territory. Watch out for her climbing on chairs or step ladders. If you think your mom is a hand full now, try taking care of her after she breaks a hip. Been there, done that. > It seems now that she is getting very frustrated and stays mad all the time. > She blames me for her problem saying that I have driven her to this. Also, > she wants to be active in the house and do "housework" but makes the biggest > mess. I just let her at it and fix it when she is done. Don't set her up for failure. We tell my MIL that she is now "retired" from any housekeeping she can't do very easily. This leaves loading (only) the dishwasher and wiping the kitchen counter, occaisional unloading (only) the clothes dryer and making her bed. Of course we have to check the dishwasher before running, look for the clothes after she hides them around the house and also help her change her sheets once a week, but at least she feels like she has regular chores and is being helpful around the house and this seems to make her happy. If you allow her to try things beyond her remaining ability, you set both her and yourself up for major frustrations. Learn to fib creatively to make her more comfortable with whatever abilities she still has functional. > She is taking a hand full of pills twice a day. She takes 150MG of Zoloft > each day as well as heart pills and water pills and blood pressure pills. > We are having a time. Consider asking her Dr about Aricept or other drug that might slow her AD disease progression. > When she gets a little worse I will have to place her somewhere. Since the > disease is not taken her out of reality except for robbing her of good > judgment, I don't know how I will get her someplace. I jokingly say I need > a tranquilizer dart and net to get her to go. She is very, very strong > willed and getting worse as it progresses. It will be an impossible task. Hopefully the strong willed tendency will decrease over time. Judgement is already gone, so don't expect much there. We've already been through denial, alcohol abuse, paranoia, and general meanness. Fortunately my MIL is now rather pleasant most of the time and no longer worrying nearly as much. She jokes about her failing memory and she is now happy just to be living with her daughter rather than trying to live alone and being unable to function. It is a 36 hr a day job to watch out for her and provide good care. > Please everyone, pray for me and Mom and I will you too. Welcome to the group. s2d Thank you. The thing you mention are good things. Mom fell in March 2003 and broke her pelvis in three places, one of them a nasty break. Although she had been diagnosed with Alzheimers for two years it wasn't so bad until her fall. > > I am new here and wanted to say hello. > > [quoted text clipped - 75 lines] > > Welcome to the group. s2d Welcome Greg. Sorry you need to be here. If you don't already have it, I suggest you get a copy of "The 36 Hour Day" to read. It really will give you much information about AD. Gwen =========================================================================== ==== Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. - Cullen Hightower =========================================================================== ===== | I am new here and wanted to say hello. | [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] | | Please everyone, pray for me and Mom and I will you too. I have heard so much about that book. I will look around and try to find a copy. Thank you. And, I am sorry that you and all the others are in this group as well. > Welcome Greg. Sorry you need to be here. If you don't already have it, I > suggest you get a copy of "The 36 Hour Day" to read. It really will give > you much information about AD. > Gwen =========================================================================== > ==== > Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone > else's can shorten it. > - Cullen Hightower =========================================================================== > ===== > [quoted text clipped - 49 lines] > | > | Please everyone, pray for me and Mom and I will you too. > I am new here and wanted to say hello. > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > I work during the day and she stays here alone. I come home for lunch every > day and feed her and I get off work at 3:30 and come straight home. <snip> > When she gets a little worse I will have to place her somewhere. Since the > disease is not taken her out of reality except for robbing her of good [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Please everyone, pray for me and Mom and I will you too. Greg, my dad was the same, it was a *real* struggle to get him into respite care, and once he was there, it took about another 2 weeks before he got used to it, and several more months before he stopped asking to go home when we visited (after 2 weeks in respite my mother realised she couldnt cope any more were he to come back). Partly him accepting it is acclimatisation and partly (probably) him getting worse. It will probably be traumatic when she goes, and it might also be an emergency situation, for example when you are out and she wanders off or harms herself, in fact this seems almost inevitable to me if you leave her alone all day, its probably just a matter of time before something unfortunate happens. Have you looked into day care? Good luck, one person looking after an Az person full time is pretty tough, to say the least. SignatureTumbleweed Remove theobvious before replying (but no email reply necessary to newsgroups) Hi! My name is Laurie and I've been lurking. I've learned so much here! I'm so overwhelmed by what's happening with my dad that I haven't even been able to write. Below-please note I a post from Patty that looked like it got lost in the Eddyjean shuffle. She looks like a VALUABLE resource and friend! Guess I'm a boundary overstepper- but was so glad to find someone on the inside of a residence! Hi Everyone! Laurie Patty's post- you can nd it in the Aricept causing dementia. thread: Hi Everyone. Excuse me...hope you do not mind me "butting" in. My name is Patty and I live in R.I. I work in a beautiful Nursing Home. I work on the Special Care Unit...It is a 43 Bed Closed Alzheimer's Unit. I am the Activity Coordinator...and I am a Med Tech...(Do the Med Passes as needed) 2 for the price of one...LOL..I have worked with Alzheimer Residents for 10 years, and on April 1st....Been a Med Tech since 1980. I LOVE the Alzheimer Residents. My heart goes out to the Famiy Members for they knew them when.... Barb...We call our "lies" Fiblets. Tell them anything that sounds good...so they will stay calm. For example....: Where are my children? The had to go shopping, Mom. They'll be home soon. Where is your Dad? He's working over-time, Mom. Let's keep his supper warm for him. He'll be hungry when he gets home. I want to go home....Look at your watch.....Okay let's wait until I can get us a ride. Why don't we have some Supper now...etc. Hope this helped... On Aricept...I'm not an expert, but what I was taught about the Med is....Starting on Aricept is to maintain their present level of functioning for as long as possible. But like someone has already stated, medication does NOT necessarily work to the same degree on everyone. Each person is an idividual. Stay Safe.....Patty:-) It sounds like Patty is a real nice person. I can't find her posts. > Hi! > My name is Laurie and I've been lurking. I've learned so much here! I'm [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > work to the same degree on everyone. Each person is an idividual. Stay > Safe.....Patty:-) It sounds like Patty is a real nice person. I can't find her posts. Patty is #27 unber Can Aricept CAUSE dementia thread? It's the thread down about three topics. Laurie OK, I see her now. Thanks. > It sounds like Patty is a real nice person. I can't find her posts. > > Patty is #27 unber Can Aricept CAUSE dementia thread? It's the thread > down about three topics. > Laurie Thanks, Laurie. I just want to be of some help IF I can... I have one thing I would like to say about your Alzheimer Parent/s....I am PETRIFIED knowing they are home alone!! Because I fear they will wander off or fall down and get hurt or start a fire....??? I say that because I know the many facets of the Residents on a daily basis. If monitored we can do all their ADL's...activities, Medications every day, and we know everything about them. We are a closed unit, but they can wander all they want, have a finger food on the run if they won't stay seated, have that 1-1 special touch, activities, etc. In my opinion, anyone that works on my unit, is there by THEIR choice. Why? Because we WANT to be there. We CHOOSE to be there. We are TRAINED to be there. And that is why we are called "The Special Care Unit" We LOVE these SPECIAL human beings. Although by Friday I'm ready for the bridge...after the week-end I'm ready for another week....LOL The above is JMHO... And to Paul....My deepest condolences for the loss of your neice. My heart goes out to you. Prayers are on there way.....Patty > I have one thing I would like to say about your Alzheimer Parent/s....I > am PETRIFIED knowing they are home alone!! Because I fear they will [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > I say that because I know the many facets of the Residents on a daily > basis. you must realize, though, that the folks in your unit come their *after* it's no longer safe for them to be home. i agree that the OP needs to avoid denial and be a dispassionate observer who can determine when they will no longer be safe alone. Dennis. you must realize, though, that the folks in your unit come their *after* it's no longer safe for them to be home. i agree that the OP needs to avoid denial and be a dispassionate observer who can determine when they will no longer be safe alone. ÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷ I thought I could keep my parents safe in an assisted retirement situation. That is until my father was discovered walking on the highway in is socks. Hopefully, most people aren't as naive as I am. but he didn't have an AD diagnosis yet, and I had NEVER heard of wandering. Again, I've learned so much from the posts here. Thanks! Laurie > Hopefully, most people aren't as naive as I am. but he > didn't have an AD diagnosis yet, and I had NEVER heard of wandering. > Again, I've learned so much from the posts here. Thanks! again, the bible for caregivers is "the 36 hour day" by mace and rabin, available at any larger bookstore. it covers about 95% of what you need to know. Here is a link to the book at Amazon http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0446610410/103-5008228-5581437?v=glance I wore mine out. The softcover is not expensive - best 8 bucks you'll ever spend. I have some other books aimed at caregivers but nothing else I've seen has as much to the point information in one volume. Mary G. |
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