Bea's doctor appointment. What a day.

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The Dude - 17 Feb 2004 02:15 GMT

Hi guys, it's Greg. Today was the day we told Bea she was sick. After
debating with her doctor we decided not to use the "A" word. We told Bea she
had dementia. That doctor was brutally honest. She explained to her what it
was and what it does. She asked the doctor if it would get better. She said
no and Bea cried for awhile. But I under estimated my mother. She took it
pretty well. Her spirits were up and she actually seemed a little relieved
that she had some answers to why she can't remember, why she's so confused
at times and why she cries so often. This was probably the hardest thing I
had to go through. I couldn't eat for the past two days and I was pretty
much sick all day today. But as usual Bea's strength surprised us all. I'm
sure it may take a day or two to sink in or she may not even remember but
her reaction amazed me. I only wish I had half the courage she has. I was in
tears for an hour after we got her home. Dad would have kicked my a.s if he
seen my reation. He was a tough guy. Like the dad on American Chopper.

Thanks all for the advice and support. Maybe someday, we'll all find an
answer for this. Possibly not in our lifetimes but our kids.

Thanks again all, and my support for all who goes through this.

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Darryl - 17 Feb 2004 03:12 GMT

>Hi guys, it's Greg. Today was the day we told Bea she was sick. After
>debating with her doctor we decided not to use the "A" word. We told Bea she
[quoted text clipped - 8 lines]
>sure it may take a day or two to sink in or she may not even remember but
>her reaction amazed me. I only wish I had half the courage she has. I was in

My Dad reacted the same way. He was partly afraid because of what
dementia did to his mother but was a little more reassured by the fact
that there were new medicines to treat the problem (even though
ultimately they would not help). But I'd guess you hit the nail on
the head by recognizing her relief with the diagnosis--no more
wondering.

>tears for an hour after we got her home. Dad would have kicked my a.s if he
>seen my reation. He was a tough guy. Like the dad on American Chopper.

I know the Dad you're talking about...that big handle-bar moustache
and 25 " biceps are kinda intimidating and even though he's harsh on
Mikey, there's still a soft-spot in there somewhere (See the POW-MIA
bike?)

>Thanks all for the advice and support. Maybe someday, we'll all find an
>answer for this. Possibly not in our lifetimes but our kids.

I'm guessing that within 5-10 years, AD will become a manageable
condition. The past year alone has seen fairly substantial advances
in the understanding of the disease process!

Darryl.

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Gwen Love - 17 Feb 2004 03:41 GMT

Greg, I'm so glad that is over and you can stop worrying about it. Glad it
wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. Unfortunately, more hard things
will come up for you to go through, but just take one day at a time. Do
the best you can, and never, never feel guilty about what you cannot do.
Gwen

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=========================================================
OUR CRAZY LANGUAGE: Little things burn up. Big things burn down.
=========================================================

| Hi guys, it's Greg. Today was the day we told Bea she was sick. After
| debating with her doctor we decided not to use the "A" word. We told Bea she
[quoted text clipped - 15 lines]
|
| Thanks again all, and my support for all who goes through this.

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Evelyn Ruut - 17 Feb 2004 12:44 GMT

> Hi guys, it's Greg. Today was the day we told Bea she was sick. After
> debating with her doctor we decided not to use the "A" word. We told Bea she
[quoted text clipped - 15 lines]
>
> Thanks again all, and my support for all who goes through this.

Hi Greg,

Sorry you have had this bad news. Your mother may realize she has it now,
but that realization often flees as time goes on. Use this time while she
is still somewhat cognizant to get the important things in order.

First and most important of all.....Make an appointment with an attorney who
is a specialist in elder law. Get powers of attorney and other documents
such as wills and DNR paperwork taken care of, so that you can legally see
to her health needs when she no longer can, and that your family may not be
bankrupted during the course of her illness. Later may be too late.
We were fortunate enough to discover my mother in law had this illness while
she was still able to take care of these things.

You are fortunate in some ways, in that there are some really good new
medications out that can keep the illness from progressing too quickly in
many cases, as well as keeping the sufferers from experiencing the crushing
depression and torturous delusions that often come with the territory. The
right medication and the right legal protection can make a tough road a
little smoother than it was in past years.

This newsgroup has been the most valuable resource imaginable during the
entire course of my mother in law's illness so far. Read here and
contribute here as often as you can. There are people for whom this is
their only real source of information about alzheimers disease. All of us
need to continue to contribute to help others.

You will probably have questions arise as you go along. We will be here
for you.

Good luck,

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Evelyn

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Greg - 22 Feb 2004 23:28 GMT

ditto and ditto. I guess we're both new to all this. I've exhausted my
resources looking for a cure. none.
My mother's doctor wasn't so blunt. So it left her with hope. I don't know
if that's a good thing but remember
time is the most important thing. Who knows .. at my stage I think my mother
could attend my funeral. From what
I hear it can take quite a while.

> > Hi guys, it's Greg. Today was the day we told Bea she was sick. After
> > debating with her doctor we decided not to use the "A" word. We told Bea
[quoted text clipped - 56 lines]
>
> (To reply to me personally, remove sox)

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Evelyn Ruut - 23 Feb 2004 00:54 GMT

> ditto and ditto. I guess we're both new to all this. I've exhausted my
> resources looking for a cure. none.
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> could attend my funeral. From what
> I hear it can take quite a while.

There are an awful lot of variables that can influence that. Some people
who have posted here, had loved ones diagnosed after my mother in law (who
was diagnosed a little over 4 years ago) and they are now gone. She is
still at home with us.

I had an aunt (by marriage)who lasted with Alzheimers for over 20 years.
She just passed away last year. Likewise I had an uncle (by marriage) who
has had it for over ten years, he died this past December.

No one in my direct family seems to have been diagnosed with it (as yet) but
instead they all die of heart attacks, strokes and such on the one side and
on the other they live to extreme old age with ALL their marbles intact.

There seems to be absolutely no real time frame. It is different for
everyone. An event like a stroke, a fall with broken bones, pneumonia, or
some other illness, can hasten their way. Yet others live for many years
fading little by little.

It is my sincerest prayer that my poor mother in law dies from something
other than alzheimers, and the sooner the universe calls her home, the
better. She has so little enjoyment of her life anymore. In fact she
cried constantly and threatened suicide daily until our doctor gave her
enough Zoloft to keep her out of emotional pain. I keep saying she may
outlive both of us. She is actually in better overall physical health than
I am. But I truly hope that doesn't happen. Her quality of life is gone.

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Evelyn

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Dennis P. Harris - 23 Feb 2004 04:37 GMT

> I've exhausted my
> resources looking for a cure. none.

that's right. don't waste the time, and don't be prey for those
peddling quack cures.

> My mother's doctor wasn't so blunt. So it left her with hope. I don't know
> if that's a good thing but remember
> time is the most important thing. Who knows .. at my stage I think my mother
> could attend my funeral. From what
> I hear it can take quite a while.

shame on the doctor for not finding a good way to tell her that
it's progressive and that there is no cure. on the other hand,
YOU DON'T HAVE A DIAGNOSIS YET, so maybe he wanted to hedge his
bets. you'll have no idea how long she might live if you don't
get that neuro evaluation!

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