Welcome aboard, Brenda. I'm glad you found us. It's not like any of us
*wants* to be here -- but it's easier when we're hanging on to the ends of
our respective ropes together!

Songbird

Hi Brenda,

Welcome to the newsgroup nobody really wanted to join, but thank goodness it
is here for us!

I know what you mean about the same questions over and over again.   We went
through about two years of that before my mother in law finally began to
quiet down.   Sadly the quieting down was the result of her illness getting
worse.

must be awfully hard to do it all by yourself... there are days when My MIL
drives me nuts.... though the repetitive question period seems to be winding
down now....  but I always know that my partner will be coming home
eventually...

very different from when I was raising my kids on my own .... then my only
relief was bedtime....

no support group through your local AD office? seems like it would be a good
thing for you to get involved in....says she who's never been to one LOL

Hi Brenda,

If I couldn't vent here once in awhile I'd go nuts.  So feel free to get
it out of your system.  Better to get it out than to bottle it up and
suddenly explode one day at your husband over something little.

I've always had a very high patience level but eight years of caring for
Mom has done a job on me.  I'm still pretty good but there were times I
had to take meds just to keep my nerves under control.  My biggest
problem with my mother is that she's never been a caring person and
wants and demands constant attention.  She resents anyone else having
any of my attention and has gotten nastier and nastier about it over the
years.  My daughter was just 13 when she had to come live with us.  I
had been widowed for ten years and when Mom suggested my stop working
and we all live off her savings in exchange for my caring for her it
seemed like a great idea since I really wanted to be home for my
daughter more.  What's the old saying....'if I had known then, what I
know now', lol.  At that time the doctor's gave her a life expectency of
only 2 to 3 years because she refused the shunt surgery necessary for
hydracephalus.  Surprise, surprise, here it is three times that.

Like you, the support systems down here aren't available.  Well, some
are but are financially restrictive for us.  There's no family nearby
except for my two children.  Other sibs/grandkids just don't visit
because of mom's attitude in the past.  The days/years when she repeated
the same stuff over and over took all I had not to lose it.  Now she
doesn't talk most of the time and grunts a lot.  The sundowning has
become worse and worse with her cussing me out or throwing things every
couple of days.  

So, if you are having problems now coping I'd suggest checking into
alternative care because it ain't gonna get any better.  Good luck to
ya'll.

Brenda,
  Coincidentally my last name is Terry also.And my sister-in-law is
Brenda Terry.Small world.Barb

Hi Brenda,

I'm dealing with the same issue with my wife that you have right now, namely
the constant repetition of the same questions. Regardless of how many times
you repeat the answer, your husband will not remember. Unfortunately, it's
this, and other problems that are worse than this, that we'll have to deal
with for years to come. Please continue to post here and rely on the advise
these folks post. They have forewarned me of many aspects of my wife's
behaviors for which I would otherwise have been caught by surprise.

One big thing that helped me was that I consulted a psychiatrist on my
behalf, to seek guidance about the resentment that I harbored in my "Oh, woe
is me" file. I became depressed and angry about unwillingly having become
"stuck" in what had been planned as a comfortable retirement, with an
unbidden nursing job. You may currently see your role as spouse and partner
to your husband, but your relationship may devolve into the realization that
you are the caregiver to someone who is incapable of returning not only
"love" but any semblance of appreciation whatsoever.

It's important that you find a physician to whom you can communicate your
problems. Family practitioners and psychiatrists can point to therapeutic
forums and prescribe formulas that will help you to get through the day.
Physicians can also prescribe drugs such as Aricept and Namenda so that your
husband's condition worsens less quickly.

As for help from relatives, it seems to be very hit and miss for caregivers
in this group. Friends and relatives want to "visit" and talk with your
husband as has been their practice since they've known him. Those who do not
have frequent discussions with AD patients don't have any idea of the length
of time it takes for an AD patient to develop and express an entire coherent
sentence. Moreover, folks who are unfamiliar with AD patient care don't
understand that whatever is said is to an AD patient is not going to be
assimilated. Caregivers are special people in that they will patiently await
responses, all the while knowing that whatever information they have
attempted to impart isn't likely to be received correctly, nor acted upon
effectively. It takes patience, caring and a break every once in awhile, to
be an caregiver.

I look forward to your future posts, Brenda. We live in Greensboro, North
Carolina and the AD support services in our area are excellent. I can't
suggest specific resolutions, but I offer my empathy and heartfelt
understanding, as do we all.

go'l.

I have nothing but respect and amazement for you folks who
are taking care of your Loved Ones at home.  My Mom
was only in my home for 3 weeks when I had to bring
her from another state.  It was such hell.  All night she
was up and down every 10 minutes with the consequent
confusion and all day it was the same questions over and
over again.  I couldn't send an email to my boss asking
for more time off without her interrupting me 8 times with
the same question.  Thank God WebVan was still delivering
food.  I got help in at night the last week because I couldn't
think without sleep, but I couldn't sleep well because I
could still hear the commotion.  I managed to type up
some questions for the doctor - one was "What happens
to Mom if I collapse?"  He put her in the hospital that day.

I remember sitting on the sofa with my head on the sofa
arm, trying to grab a wink and Mom asking the same
thing over and over.  I'd tell her I needed to sleep and
that would be good for one flat minute.  I thought I
would go insane.

After the hospital, I got Mom into a Dementia Unit.
Then she got better - enough to go into regular
assisted living.  She had a good 3 years in assisted
living before having to go back into the Dementia Unit.
Then she fell and broke both hips and now she's in
a Nursing Home where she is adjusting well.  She's
had a bad year, poor thing.

I like the Nursing Facility better than the Dementia
Unit in a lot of ways.  They can do things for Mom
that the Dementia Unit (which was still assisted living)
could not do, such as adjust medications more quickly,
take care of skin rashes, put in a catheter, etc.  They
can keep a better eye on Mom and she's a lot
calmer at night.

joan

Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Sat, Feb 14, 2004, 10:37am From:
jukeboxwizard@webtv.net (Maurice & Brenda Terry)
Hi, everyone.   My name is Brenda and I live on Lake Palestine outside
of Tyler, TX. I have been lurking for a while. My husband was diagnosed
with AD about 3 years ago. Yall I have no patience anymore. I have no
help with him. I feel terrible but asking the same questions over and
over is really doing a number on me. I guess I just need to vent. My
parents are elderly and` live in the metroplex. I talk to them but they
dont understand. They dont see him but every six months or so. I have
called our local AD office but they werent helpful. I suppose there
arent many resources available for me here in Tyler.   Coming here
gives me some support and I just wanted to thank yall,   Brenda Terry

Ronny:
Hey Brenda. :-) Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time of it. :-(

My nearly 84yo Mom repeats a lot of stuff too. Sometimes I just find
myself saying uh huh if I don't think that will cause problems.

I hope you can get outside some as spring comes along? That helps me. I
like to do just a little raised bed gardening or just get outside and
walk around a bit if the weather is prettier like it is today. But Mom
scared me some today. I came back in the back door,locked it and
couldn't find her anywhere in the house. Saw the front door was unlocked
and went out to look for her. Finally found her trying to get in the
back door. :-) I should of told her I was going out a while as she
remembers that most of the time. She wasn't real happy that she was
locked out! LoL

I am sorry to hear you local AD office didn't come up with much of any
help for you. :-( I've got to check more;but the only thing I know of so
far in my area is a once a week dinner at one of the Methodist churches.
For about $5 they provide a meal and a few hours care for AD people-so
that there caretakers can have a little time off to do needed things or
just have a little rest. (BTW,I'm up here in the Hopkins County/Sulphur
Springs area.)

This is a good ng. :-) I haven't been around much lately though. I post
in several ngs and have been studying a lot online about somethings that
interest me. Sometimes Mom gets jealous of me being online! LoL Will be
glad when it warms up a bit more and I can help her and watch her
outside more. She really does like to sit outside some when it's warm
and she can watch things and talk more.

Love,

Ronny
http://community.webtv.net/crafti1/Quail

http://community.webtv.net/crafti1/RaisingRabbits

http://community.webtv.net/crafti1/PoultryIncubator

Hi Brenda,

Welcome to the group.  You will find a lot of support & good advice here.

Always,

Char

Brenda

I also live in Texas - Aledo, on the other side of Ft. Worth.  Are you
looking for a support group in Tyler?  I found this link that might
help, it lists a couple support groups:
http://www.angelfire.com/tx3/tyleralz/support.html

My father also found a phone support group through the Parker County
Alz. Association.  Maybe they have something like that near you?

Daphne

One thing I've tried, after sadly getting tired of the repeated questions
was to make POSTERS, and pamphlets, scatter them around the house.
That way when my mother would normally re-ask

"What town is this?"

The answer would be all around her. It takes some explaining initially,
getting them to try and remember TWO things ..

1-  remember to READ the Poster whenever confusion, dementia or anxiety sets
in and

2- remember that what they may see or hear may not be real.

In fact, I put fact #2 on the posters themselves.
I'm a firm believer now that with INTENSE and I mean INTENSIVELY INTENSE
memory training and excercises that
alzheimers patients can indeed "learn" a fact and retain it.  My mother's
fact to remember is to simply

READ

one of the posters
whenever confusion sets in .  I know that teaching them just ONE fact
may seem like an impossibilty but it worked for me. It's overkill, kind of
like a college student repeating over and over for weeks before
the big test

"the capital of Omaha is Nebraska".
"the capital of Omaha is Nebraska".
"the capital of Omaha is Nebraska".
"the capital of Omaha is Nebraska".
"the capital of Omaha is Nebraska".
"the capital of Omaha is Nebraska".
"the capital of Omaha is Nebraska".

or
is it

"the capital of Nebraska is Omaha" ?

one of those two I hope.
That's why I don't teach geography.
Thank goodness.