I hope mine dont, I have specifically instructed them to put me in a home if
such events happen, I have no intention of ****ing up their lives for many
years at a time when they should be able to relax, especially when "I" wont
even be around to notice they are helping me.(if you see what I mean).

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 Wade, I can only wish you well.
 Gwen

 ======================================================
 Always keep your head up but keep your nose at a friendly level.
 Author unknown
 =======================================================

 | > "I just cant do that rite now . . . heh . . . "she's mine"
 | >
 | > it felt really good to turn it down . . . its hard to describe but im
glad
 | I
 | > have a chance to live this way for a while, before I myself get old
and
 | > confused (if indeed I actually get that far)
 | >
 | > jim
 | >
 | > --
 | >            --------------------------------
 | > if u really want to email me, click on the address below
 | >           netnews.comcast.net@Pexoteric.org
 | >            take a P before you click send
 | >            --------------------------------
 |         I've been lurking here for awhile, but this post really hit
home.
 | My mother who is 81 was always a very active woman, church socials,
senior
 | trips, etc. She developed pneumonia in early September. She was in the
 | hospital for six days, and right before her release, the doctor
recommended
 | a 5 week stay in a rehab/nursing home, for some "occupational therapy".
 | During her stay, I started to notice a lot of confusion, urinary and
bowel
 | incontinence, she was rapidly becoming weaker, and losing her
ambulatory
 | abilities. Although she is riddled with arthritis, and had a knee
 | replacement in'99, I thought that this was being caused by anxiety, and
 | stress, and that this would all pass when she returned home.
 |     I brought her home on 10/15, and she wasn't half the woman she was
 | before the pneumonia. Being we live in a two family home, her
downstairs,
 | and myself upstairs, and me working out of my home, I did all I could
to
 | help her, being the only child, I did the laundry, my girlfriend was
 | bringing over meals, I cleaned her house, the incontinence was a major
 | problem, and was wearing me out.
 |     Now I was always a free spirit, nightclubs, running around,
Cadillac's,
 | fast woman, just enjoying life, this was starting to cramp my
lifestyle.
 |     On 10/25 I went downstairs to check on her, and she appeared to be
very
 | sick, so I called the family doctor, and he told me to take her right
to the
 | hospital emergency room, which I did. She was once again diagnosed with
 | pneumonia, dehydration, a gastrointestinal infection, a urinary tract
 | infection, blood clots in her legs, and some other conditions, that I
 | couldn't even pronounce. When I mentioned the confusion that she was
 | experiencing, they did an echogram, and told me that at some point in
her
 | life, she had a mini-stroke.
 |     She spent another eight days in the hospital, and back to the
 | rehab/nursing facility, I visit her daily, and have noticed an even
further
 | decline. She is due to be released on Sunday. I had a neurologist look
at
 | her, in the facility, and he prescribed  Aricept.
 |     Now when I spoke to her case worker, she strongly suggested that I
just
 | spend down her money, which is not really much, we are not wealthy
people,
 | get her on Medicaid and leave her there.
 |     I served two tours of combat duty, one of which was voluntary with
the
 | Green Berets during the Vietnam war, at which time, I was injured to
the
 | point, where the state I live in considers me disabled.
 |     I took the social workers advice, sought out an elder lawyer, and
had
 | the house signed over to myself, which would not be considered during
the
 | three year look back period, because I am considered disabled, meaning
the
 | house would be mine, unconditionally. I purchased her a pre-paid
funeral,
 | which Medicaid wouldn't be able to touch either, and was prepared to
let the
 | home handle her. I felt that this woman, that I go to see daily, is not
the
 | woman that I remember as my mother, she would only cramp my life style,
and
 | be a burden.
 |     When I went to see her yesterday, as I was speaking to her, I
looked
 | deeply into her eyes, and yes this is my mother, this is the woman that
 | cried for me, worried about me, cared for me when I was sick, nurtured
me,
 | and would have sacrificed her life for me. There is no way in hell, I
could
 | leave her there.
 |     There have been times in my life, that I have been absolutely
terrified,
 | but nothing terrifies me more than bringing her home on Sunday. But I
will,
 | and I will do my absolute best, to get her through this. She was always
 | there for me, when I needed help, and I will do my best, to be there
for
 | her, while she needs help, because, "she is mine", she is weak,
vulnerable,
 | and  irreplaceable.
 |     I apologize for the long post, but there may be times when I may
need to
 | pick someone's brain, for suggestions, help, etc. This is all new to
me, my
 | life is about to change, but I've never cowered from adversity, and I
am not
 | about to start now. This is not about me, or Uncle Sam, this is about
the
 | most important thing in my life, My Mother.....
 |     If you got this far, thank you for listening...............
 |     -Wade
 |
 |
 |
 |
 | ---
 | Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
 | Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
 | Version: 6.0.556 / Virus Database: 348 - Release Date: 12/27/2003
 |
 |
 | "chop" <nospam@sonic.net> wrote in message
 | news:4gfHb.675902$Fm2.584535@attbi_s04...
 | > I did a funny thing on xmas eve . . . im driving my daughter to town
 | around
 | > 7pm in the rain and a call comes through on my business line.  I have
the
 | > rule of _never_ answering the phone after hrs unless I recognize the
 | number,
 | > but I just answered it on a whim . . .
 | >
 | > it was Friends House, a "most excellent and really hard to get into"
 | Quaker
 | > assisted living facility, with a 3 to 5yr waiting list that we
visited
 | about
 | > 6mo ago, telling me that unbelievably, they have an opening, and I
should
 | > say yes rite now because if I don't, the next one on the phone list
that
 | > does say yes, gets the spot . . .
 | >
 | > now I'll digress to 6mo ago when I was in the throes of denial and
change
 | > associated with my mom's condition, I would have jumped at the chance
to
 | get
 | > her into that place, but . . . heh . . . funny thing . . . I passed
it up
 | .
 | > . .
 | >
 | > then my daughter asks why? (she's just turned 9)  I told her that
even
 | with
 | > my mom's problems and the extra work for her care . . . she's mine .
. .
 | "it
 | > would feel like leaving a baby at the doorstep of an orphanage", I
told
 | her,
 | > "I just cant do that rite now . . . heh . . . "she's mine"
 | >
 | > it felt really good to turn it down . . . its hard to describe but im
glad
 | I
 | > have a chance to live this way for a while, before I myself get old
and
 | > confused (if indeed I actually get that far)
 | >
 | > jim
 | >
 | > --
 | >            --------------------------------
 | > if u really want to email me, click on the address below
 | >           netnews.comcast.net@Pexoteric.org
 | >            take a P before you click send
 | >            --------------------------------
 | >
 | >
 |
 |
 | ---
 | Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
 | Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
 | Version: 6.0.556 / Virus Database: 348 - Release Date: 12/26/2003
 |
 |

Good luck Wade.

Hey Wade,
Glad you found us and good luck. Ask any questions you have and
somebody will probably have some suggestions.
--

Mare
mfcoleman@THEOLEmindspring.com
http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm
alt.support.alzheimers' FAQs and Stuff Pages

I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off

12/26/2003