...My (81 yo) mother has been diagnosed with a series of vascular strokes
and a likelihood of symptoms of Alzheimers. It's obvious that's what's going
on.

My father died of Alzheimers complications about 8 years ago (at 82) and now
we're facing a similar situation with my mother...who is also very aware of
this diagnosis, and the memories of what happened with my father.

She is -- and always has been -- strong-willed to the point of
self-destructive.  At times we had to quietly intercede in some of her
efforts on behalf of my father during his decline (although she is now
claiming none of us lifted a finger to help).  She is now OBSESSED with the
belief that her neighbors are trying to steal her home of over 50 years and
has spent vast amounts of time (and money) photographing NOTHING as proof,
having locks changed, having the property surveyed, hiring lawyeres to write
threatening letters, etc.  She resists all discussion on this subject.
Meanwhile, she refuses all offers of care, determined she live out her life
at her home.  We are all determined that this desire be honored since it
means so much to her.  We have the resources to provide care for her on an
increasing basis --i.e., a driver on a part-time basis with an eye to
long-term care, but she steadfastly refuses to accept it, thus putting her
children in the position of becoming someting neither she nor our father
ever intended -- caregivers. Beyond failing short-term memory, this is her
only real symptom -- she is very aware of the current political, financial
situations (completely of the belief however that she is now broke -- she
isn't), can go out to a meal and has voluntarily stopped driving and
reported to her insurance company that she does not intend to drive anymore,
and boy, when she blows up, is a master of sarcasm, memory and well-placed
verbal lashings.  Much as we experienced with my father, unfortunately, the
most irritating personality traits seem to remain as the more human, lovable
and memorable traits seem to fade into oblivion.

Meanwhile, in a sudden rage, she has refused all contact with me (and
another of my two siblings  -- we suspect this has to do with her increasing
paranoia that we're all in on the plot; "the next you hear from me, my
lawyer will call to tell you I'm dead") -- I had been shopping with her
weekly, taking her to her doctor's appointments, accompanying her to the
theatre, paying her bills, etc.; the third sibling has had to step in these
past two weeks who is already overwhelmed by the burden (I've been into this
since the beginning of this year when a friend of her's called to tell me
her behavior suddenly changed, probably the result of a stroke -- I got her
right to the doctor, then to a neurologist and did all the testing with her;
I'd not missed a single appointment despite the fact that she is not always
pleasant; I'm not ashamed to admit that my banishment is not entirely
unpleasant).  She has adamantly refused psychiatric evaluation, and while
acknowledging her illness, is becoming increasingly isolated and paranoid
without yielding an inch to the realities incumbent in the progression which
we've all been through.. The three siblings are in constant touch through
e-mail, phone calls etc, and are trying to come up with a game plan.  She is
refusing contact with all but the reluctant third sibling who is ready to go
postal, since she is totally consumed with anger now..

Short of mounting a legal battle for conservatorship, which myself and
siblings are reluctantly planning in order to help her since she's resisting
all efforts, does anyone have suggestions as to how to  intervene with a
wilful parent (who now refuses to speak to me), hell-bent on an increasingly
self-destructive, isolating behavior prior to having to do it with lawyers?
(My father was a lawyer, the other banished sib is a lawyer, so it's not
lawyer aversion, it's conflict aversion)...

thanks.