On Aug 24, 12:29 pm, "carolinasongb...@gmail.com"
<carolinasongb...@gmail.com> wrote:

Hi Songbird,

Thanks for your reply.   It is all just too new, but we will
definitely have to work out some sort of safeguards for him...... and
yes, it is true that our fathers both seem so strong willed!

Evelyn

On Aug 26, 7:19 am, stellalouis...@gmail.com wrote:

Hi and thank you so much for the kind suggestions.   I contemplated
calling adult protective services or the office of the aging or
whatever they have in his county.  He flatly refuses everything, even
including meals on wheels.   My sister who has POA has already made
these suggestions as well and he becomes enraged at the mere
suggestion.  I am afraid he is going to need to come to a place where
even he will recognize he can't go it alone.   He hasn't really got
alzheimers, and he probably isn't going to be adjudged incompetent
either, though I think he certainly isn't equipped to function fully
in this world without the help of his caregiver.   As of last evening
he slammed the phone in my face and then lied to those present saying
I hung up on him.   I need to play this by ear as they say, and hope
for the best.

Best Regards,
Evelyn

This morning he put air in his bicycle tires, thinking he would ride
his bike to the post office.    This is complete insanity, but there
will be no way to stop him.    My brother went over there, still sick
from his own recent surgery, and took him out to eat, and took him to
the post office where he wanted to go.   So for the moment he is
settled in and behaving himself, but this business with the bicycle
has the potential to be a disaster.   (At least he isn't trying to
drive the car.   He still has his license and the car is legal, but he
should not be driving either one).

My sister has POA, but will not intervene.   If we take the bike away,
he will surely try to drive the car.

 > On Aug 24, 9:12 am, "weeks" <r_we...@sbcglobal.net> wrote:
 >
 > > ((((((Evelyn))))))
 > > I share your pain. I received a call yesterday at 6 a.m. that my mom had
 > > fallen in her room. Yes, she has a fracture at the neck of the femur (same
 > > as a broken hip). Surgery will be tomorrow or Tuesday.
 > > You have been somewhat fortunate that they have been there for each other
 > > for such a long time. I hope your father is dealing with her
 > > hospitalization well.
 > > My mother is very healthy and was very ambulatory prior to this fall.
 > > Nothing seems to keep her down so this is all on her side for a good
 > > recovery. Of course, she always says, "It's in the hands of The Bug Guy".
 > > I hope your father's friend has her surgery soon and a quick and easy
 > > recovery...
 > > smiles,
 > > Elise
 >
 > Hi Elise,
 >
 > Thanks for the kind thoughts. The lady in question is much like your
 > mom. Very active, and always on the go. I hope they do a
 > replacement. With a replacement, the return to mobility is often
 > quite fast. Letting it heal on its own could turn into a lengthy bed
 > stay, and perhaps create more problems like strokes, etc.
 >
 > I hope your mom has a speedy recovery as well.
 >
 > :-)
 >
 > Evelyn
 >
 >
 >
 >
 >
 > > "Evelyn" <evelyn.r...@gmail.com> wrote in message
 >
 > >news:8afdc1d8-aff2-459e-a728-2fc7ff99561d@e53g2000hsa.googlegroups.com...
 >
 > > > Hi Everyone,
 >
 > > > You have probably heard me write about my 95 year old father, who
 > > > doesn't have alzheimers, but has sime degree of vascular impairment of
 > > > his brain. He has moments of perfectly fine lucidity, but can
 > > > occasionally get disoriented etc., depending on the blood flow at the
 > > > time. He has had an elderly lady friend, aged 89, living with him and
 > > > taking care of him. That lady is the other half of a couple that
 > > > were longtime friends of my parents. Now that her husband is gone
 > > > and my mom is gone, they look after one another and she has been
 > > > living in the guest room of the house for quite a few years now.
 >
 > > > That lady was stepping up on the small staircase (4 steps up to the
 > > > next level) in the house, and suddenly her hip broke and she fell.
 > > > More correctly, the bone just going up to the hip broke. She was
 > > > rushed to the hospital yesterday and it is quite possible they will
 > > > operate on her today to do some kind of a repair. Everyone knows
 > > > that these hip situations can turn ugly very quickly for an old
 > > > person. We are hoping it turns out not to be a problem and that she
 > > > gets well again. She has been, after all, taking care of my father
 > > > for several years, and in spite of occasional differences, it takes a
 > > > great load off the family.
 >
 > > > Meanwhile, as I type this, my father is alone in the house. Like I
 > > > said, he talks a good line, and if you chat with him he comes across
 > > > perfectly fine. But I don't think he quite realizes how dangerous
 > > > and difficult things can get if he should slip or fall down, or who
 > > > knows what? I am sick right now with some very nasty flu/cold. My
 > > > brother is recuperating from surgery. My sister just got out of the
 > > > hospital from having cardio ablation. None of us are in good shape
 > > > right now, nor are any of us inclined to go running to stay with him,
 > > > but a decision will have to be made at some point.
 >
 > > > The house is filthy and he will not allow anyone to clean anything as
 > > > it disturbs his "open filing system".... which consists of junk all
 > > > over every available surface in the house. He is controlling to the
 > > > point of being abusive. Nobody wants to deal with it. My sister
 > > > has POA (thank goodness) and she may be forced to take control and do
 > > > something more definitive, but right now we are sitting on a possible
 > > > dangerous situation, since he is alone, and his caregiver is in the
 > > > hospital with a broken hip.
 >
 > > > I will probably have to take some action, but not sure exactly what to
 > > > do. He says he has enough food in the house for a few days and that
 > > > he is doing alright. My brother has taken him up to the hospital
 > > > already to see his lady friend/caregiver, which seems to have calmed
 > > > him down. I am going to contact meals on wheels in his community to
 > > > see what the availability of getting a meal delivered to him every day
 > > > would be.
 >
 > > > I am also going to see if they have a visiting nurse who could check
 > > > on him once in a while. But this situation could turn unpleasant
 > > > really quick, and it is a very good example of something we talk about
 > > > on this newsgroup quite often, the fact that it is usually some
 > > > disaster that brings an end to independent living at home.
 >
 > > > I'll keep you posted.
 >
 > > > Best Regards,
 > > > Evelyn- Hide quoted text -
 >
 > > - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -
 >
 > - Show quoted text -

 Hi again,

 Well, chaos reigns in our family today.   The lady with the broken hip
 is going to be operated on within minutes of my posting this.   Her
 doctor said that there are three different types of repair that they
 do for this kind of injury, and they won't know which would be the
 best until they actually go in to see the damage, then they will
 decide.

 My father is still ranting and raving, and this time it is my turn to
 get the brunt of his abuse.   My siblings are both caught up in health
 dramas of their own just now, and so I am hearing it because I don't
 come down there to look after him, with a raging bad cold, a bad
 shoulder, and several health issues of my own.

 He will not HEAR of anyone coming into the house to take care of
 him.   No visiting nurse, no one to clean, no one to help out.   He
 has decided he needs no more glaucoma medicine either.

 This morning he put air in his bicycle tires, thinking he would ride
 his bike to the post office.    This is complete insanity, but there
 will be no way to stop him.    My brother went over there, still sick
 from his own recent surgery, and took him out to eat, and took him to
 the post office where he wanted to go.   So for the moment he is
 settled in and behaving himself, but this business with the bicycle
 has the potential to be a disaster.   (At least he isn't trying to
 drive the car.   He still has his license and the car is legal, but he
 should not be driving either one).

 My sister has POA, but will not intervene.   If we take the bike away,
 he will surely try to drive the car.   I certainly do not blame her,
 he can be a madman if thwarted.   We are back to the place where we
 wait for some sort of crisis or disaster to arise, and then we can act
 decisively, but for the moment, there is absolutely no dealing with
 him.    He will have to do what he will have to do and all I can do is
 hope for the best.    As of the moment, my brother has been looking
 after him and his needs.   Tomorrow will be another day, and who knows
 what that may bring?

 Prayers, good wishes and sympathetic thoughts are all welcome.   But
 any suggestion that involves me trying to strong arm him into some
 semblance of sanity are out.   ;-{

 Evelyn

Hi Adelle,

Ahhhhh chicken soup, that is just what I could use right now!    It
will have to be the tea instead at the moment, because it is late.
But I do have some chicken soup in the freezer.   Maybe I will take
some out and thaw it for tomorrow.    Can't sleep right now because of
the snuffles and the tea might help.

Now let me see.   You asked how Peter is handling all this.   It
drives him CRAZY.  I don't ever put him on the phone.   If he spoke
with my father he would probably tell him off bigtime and create a
truly big rift in the family.   He has seen my father abuse us, and me
in particular for as long as he knows me.   He thinks my mother
probably got lucky in dying to escape him.   Yes, it is that bad.
Peter cannot stand my father and with good reason.   My father is a
narcissistic guy who sees only his own agendas, and like you say, yes,
he was always like that only just a little more civilized about it.
Peter behaves himself with great restraint on occasions when he sees
my father, but later on tells me how the man needs some serious
telling off.

I think you are right in that it is coming to some sort of an
implosion.   My father is definitely losing it, and yes..... it may
come to some sort of a crisis before it can get any better.    I have
decided to let it go wherever it is going to go.   Maybe he will take
his bicycle and ride to the post office and fall off the damned thing
and get hurt.   Maybe he will get lost in the neighborhood.   Whatever
happens will have to be.  But I just can't let him abuse me for
absolutely nothing anymore and I need to remove myself from his
scope.  My brother and sister will have to fill in for me.

You know he has always been a violent man and he abused us all
viciously as children.   Never sexual abuse, but physical and
emotional abuse non stop.   He would be jailed by todays standards, in
fact.    But you only get one father, and even if he isn't a
particularly nice guy, he is what he is.   I live far enough away that
I don't need to see him that often, but I usually call a couple of
times a week and speak to him casually about this and that.   I keep
it simple and don't dare to tell him what to do.  But anything can set
him off, a simple word or anything.

I once read an western novel in which the author quaintly described
"injun's" as being "notional".... meaning they could just take a
notion to feed you and treat you nicely as they might also take a
notion to try and kill you.   That word made me chuckle, because if
anyone was ever "notional" it is my father.   At the time my mom was
still alive, and we both laughed about it privately.    I used to just
say the word to her and we'd both smile about it.

Going to make that tea now.....

Best Regards,
Evelyn  (daughter of "notional")