Hi,

This is a very common problem with alzheimers patients.   Most of us
who post here have been through some degree of it.   It is also quite
maddening.  My mother in law did it, and we still don't know where
some of her money ended up.   We searched through every handbag and
hiding place in the house when we took charge, but it took us so long
to finally clean the house up and remove all the belongings, that it
is quite possible that other people may have taken advantage of her
during her illness at some point or other.

I am sorry to say that the only way to work with this is for someone
else to take charge of their money who doesn't have alzheimers
disease.

You are aware I hope, that it is only going to get worse?  I don't
know if you can convince her to allow someone to take charge of bill
paying and handling the money, but it would be the only way I know of
to prevent the paranoia and loss of money that can occur.

We were unable to take charge of the money until my mother in law
signed paperwork allowing us to do so.   This allowed us to do so
legally.   At some point my husband removed her checkbooks and
bankbooks and every time she asked for them he told her he had them
and had put them in the safe.   She was OK with that.

It had gotten very bad before that, and she was carrying large sums of
money around with her loose in a bag, not even in a wallet.   She
would go to the bank and demand the money be withdrawn from her old
canceled bankbooks, and no matter how many times they would show her
that the money had already been withdrawn and that it went into the
newer bankbook, she imagined that she had both that money and the
amounts shown in the old bankbook too.    She kept a stack of old
bankbooks and no longer could grasp the fact that they were in
successive order and the old ones were no good anymore.

She was taken advantage of by scammers and she had a "boyfriend" who
was the age of her son, who also took advantage of her.   It is
unfortunate but the elderly who have alzheimers are VERY vulnerable to
this kind of thing.

I hope you are able to convince her to turn her money over to her POA
to take charge of.   It sounds like it is nearing time to do that,
from what you say.   Better safe than sorry.   And keeping money
around the house stashed in hiding places is not a good idea anyway,
and even less of a good idea for a person with alzheimers.

Evelyn

Hi, as Evelyn has told you, this is very common. Early in the game,
its not just the short term memory that goes, but the understanding of
sequences - which translates into not being able to understand
numbers, which includes basic math, clocks, calendars, TV dials etc.

Its really serious if a person is carrying cash, since they can't
calculate how much money they have, know if they are giving a clerk
the correct amount of money, or if they are getting the right change.
They could hand the paperboy a $50 for a $5 tab, and get back a $1 and
not know the difference.

Evelyn is right, the best thing to do is for someone else to manage
their money. My mother in law liked to have cash in her purse in her
first assisted living place (they had a little tuck shop where you
could pay cash or run a tab). Whether she had 5$ or 50$, it would
vanish, and she would not have any memory of what had happened to it,
so we had to stop her from carrying cash.

Your friend will try to hide her deficits, so don't assume she has a
real grasp of what is going on.When the personality is intact, the
tendency for all of us to assume the person is more with it than they
are. We had to do some pointed questioning to get a better picture of
what was going on (i.e. ask for some demonstrations that they can read
a calendar, add some numbers, tell time....also ask some questions
like...if today is Tuesday, show me what day it will be a week from
now. If this is July, what month was last month, or....if its 2 pm,
what time will it be in 3 hours etc. Seems like silly questions, but
when we asked them of my mothe in law, you would not have known from a
social conversation that she was completely at sea on that front.

Mary G.

This period is when the alzheimer's patient is the most vulnerable - still
living alone but with progressive disease.

A local woman gave away over a million dollars to her "handyman" who
happened to approach her for yard work, recognized what was happening, and
over the next 9 months systematically bankrupted this woman to the point
where she is now about to lose her home. She even pawned her jewelry to
"help out" her needy handyman who has finally been arrested.

Get a POA and start looking for an assisted living situation.  In many cases
the earlier stages are harder to deal with than the later ones so be ready.
AW

On Thu, 10 Jul 2008 04:04:47 -0700 (PDT) in
alt.support.alzheimers, Mr_Markham <louismarkham@yahoo.com>
wrote:

One problem with dementias, as with other mental illnesses, is
that the sufferer has absolutely NO insight into their condition.

The rationalization is very common --- I can't be losing my mind,
or I can't be forgetting this stuff, or it's not me --- "someone"
is stealing/hiding/misplacing my stuff.  It happened with my
mother when she was manic or depressed and couldn't remember,
too.

money hiding, 'stealing', etc  

Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Thu, Jul 10, 2008, 4:04am From:
louismarkham@yahoo.com (Mr_Markham)
Hi all, I have a friend with a recent diagnosis of AD; she is aware she
has short term memory loss but has started with the 'someone is coming
in here and stealing from me' anxiety thing. She can and mostly does
understand the logical answer to her vanishing money is her forgetting
where she has left it; she talks very openly about her difficulty with
short term memory. When she loses her keys and says "Well, someone must
have taken them" and then I reply, "Maybe they are in part of your purse
you didn't look in? Let's look, just in case." and we find them there
(or wherever) she is very likely to say "Damn memory!" and laugh it off.
But.....
She hides her money--and she has a fair bit, she is hiding hundreds of
dollars in cash around her house--and is sometimes now convinced some
one is stealing it. When we hunt for it and find it, she will say "Oh
yeah, I *did* put that there , didn't I?" Sometimes I wonder if that is
a combination of regular, non-AD related forgetting, or her trying to
save face from embarrassment (Though of course I would never do/say
anything to deliberately hurt her feelings or humiliate her, she is a
lovely, lovely person). It is rather frustrating though, as there is
money we are not able to find. I have tried convincing her to put her
cash that she insists on having far too much of having on hand in one
place, but so far, no soap. Does anyone have any experience or ideas
about how to handle this they'd be able to share? And please note, she
has a housekeeper who knows where at least one of her hiding spots for
this cash is and has easy ccess to it, so theft to some degree isn't
impossible, though I would never openly accuse anyone without some sort
of proof.
Thanks in advance, everyone.  
==========================================
Markham:
Anyone with short-term memory loss should keep important things or money
in as few places as possible or will become lost. At the beginning of
each month, I withdraw enough cash to cover anticipated monthly
expenses: groceries, gas, etc. This goes into my billfold in a purse and
stays there until all spent which usually takes me through or close to
the end of the month. The rest of the bills are paid through my bank. I
frequently lost my car keys until I bought a "Passport" type wallet. I
wear this around my neck everytime I go somewhere in the car.  When I
return home, and the ignition turned off, I immediately put the keys in
this wallet and then hang it on a hook  by the door that leads into the
house.  I've not lost my keys since.  It's also important to keep the
mind active; crossword puzzles, reading, or other interests.

EddyJean

Hello,
My brother-in-law is always accusing his wife of hiding money or stealing it.
Here lately he is beginning to accuse me of stealing from him.  I wouldn't
think of stealing money from him or anybody else.
My sister takes care of his money and never misuses. She takes care of the
money and uses it for the neccesities in their home.  Their savings are never
touched but she may need them someday for a nursing home.
The best thing to do is to have a relative, who can be trusted to handle the
money to pay bills and buy the things they need.

This support group has really helped us  to understand this dreadful disease.

Bri