My dad has Mom's POA and HCPOA. She is definitely not competent to
handle her own financial affairs -- she does not remember the date,
how to write a check, etc. -- or medical ones, as she remembers little
of her own medical history and cannot manage her meds.

But now Dad is making some very questionable decisions on her behalf.
(Recent example: he was going to move both of them out of AL facility
into a 2BR apt with another AL resident (also with dementia) to take
care of Mom, who has multiple medical problems in addition to
dementia. I got him talked out of that -- for now.) He has also become
belligerent, erratic and paranoid. As has happened before, I am the
target of most of his anger. Several people, including the nurses at
the AL, have said they think he is in early stages of dementia. (He
moved in simply because he said he could not bear being separated from
her -- he still is managing his own meds, driving, etc.)

Her POA names my brother and I as standby POA, but also says we cannot
act unless Dad is dead, declared incompetent, resigns or is removed.

All of my mom's siblings and mine have said they will back me if I
have to go to court to keep her somewhere that she has 24-hr. nursing
on call. (She is a very uncontrolled diabetic -- partly because Dad
keeps giving her milkshakes as a "treat.") The AL staff agrees with me
that she would deteriorate rapidly without supervision.

I am meeting with an attorney tomorrow so I know what I will need to
do when the time comes. Any experience with this, or ideas on what to
ask? Thanks.