So sorry for your loss Barb. It's been over a year since I lost my wife and
still can't adapt. Better luck to you. We all die sometimes and she at least
did not have the worries usually associated with death. That's left to us
the survivors. Best luck and blessings to you in your ordeal in accepting
and recovering.

Bud

Sorry for your loss.

Oh Barb, I am so sorry to hear that your mom has passed.   May you heal soon
and may your best memories of her be a great comfort to you.

Dear Barb;

Please accept my condolences for your loss. May loving and happy memories be
of comfort when you are ready.

On another forum, someone lost their mom and I sent a long reply that quoted
an online site that I just can't seem to find, but will try to paraphrase:
In Judaism, there are very specific mourning rituals and timelines,
recognizing it is a process, and not an 'event'. Getting on with it is not a
Jewish mourning custom at all. The longest period of mourning is not for
one's child, but for one's parent. Its to give us a year to learn how to be
without our parent, to no longer have that relationship on which we relied
from birth.

Having lost my mom this last September, it has surprised me that losing her
has been a far more difficult transition than when I lost my dad. Even
though there are still family members of my mom's generation to look to (and
even *her* aunt, my great aunt), I feel anchorless. Truly adrift. My feet
will eventually find their footing, as yours will. But be kind to yourself.
While guilt is normal, it isn't productive. You truly provided your mom with
wonderful care and have nothing to feel guilty for. So next time the
'guilts' hit - indulge for a few minutes and then say, "OK now its time to
do something else."

Adelle

On Jan 22, 2:16 pm, "deerwoodflo...@hotmail.com"
<deerwoodflo...@hotmail.com> wrote:

I am sorry to hear about your mom. The way that I was taught and
believe is to look at death is that they are home now and are no
longer in pain or confusion and we will see them once again.  Families
are Forever!  My prayers are with you for strength and comort.

barb, you have my sympathy and my love.  you really have mixed feelings when
this happens.  try to let the better ones take over knowing that there is no
more alzheimers.  but please do away with the guilt.  you did the very best
you could, loving her and taking good care of her as long as she lived.  let
God comfort you and may He give you peace.
gwen

Barb,

I wish to express my condolences to you on your loss.

You already know all of the things I'm going to say, but I'm
going to say them anyway because sometimes it helps to hear them
from another person who has been down the same road.

Please do not feel bad that your mother has died.  All of us who
have seen this terrible disease know that death is the only final
relief and salvation for the sufferer.

And please do not feel guilty.  We each do what we can.  The
guilt that you feel is only a sign of the great love you bore for
your mother.  You love and cherish her still.  No parent wants
any more than that.  You have given all.  May we all be so lucky
as to have children like you.

Best regards,

   Alan

Dear Barb, _of course_ you feel really rotten now - that's just being human.

Yes, you made some decisions and did some things that could've been better;
but you also did some wonderful things for her.
Whenever you feel guilty for the few times you fell short of perfection,
DO also remember all the things that you did  right.

I won't pretend to help you with your grief, because the pain you feel is
entirely natural right now.

I'll just say, as one who's been there and felt like you, that time does heal.
You'll gradually learn to walk around that huge hole in the middle of your life
instead of falling into it all the time.  
You'll make new paths, new plans - just give it time.

I'm so sorry for your loss.  It's hard on those of us left behind but it's
the way of life and death.  Your Mom is walking in sunlight now.  Please let
go of the guilt, it's not deserved---your Mom would want you to move
on..........June

On Tue, 22 Jan 2008 11:16:29 -0800 (PST) in
alt.support.alzheimers, "deerwoodflower@hotmail.com"

barb, i am so sorry for you.  

you're right that she's now "home", no longer confused, no longer
in pain, no longer suffering.  the worst thing about this disease
is that the person leaves before their body gives out.

as i said in another post, hospice can help you by providing
grief counseling to help you and your family through these tough
dies right after your loss.  our local hospice holds weekly "good
grief walks" where a group of folks takes a nice beach, park, or
trail walk with a hospice counselor for an hour or so.  walking
and being outdoors seems to help a lot.

don't second guess yourself.  you did your best.  remember the
good times with her, and let go of the pain.

dennis

Barb - all my sympathy to you, and others who knew and loved your mother.