Dear Bri,

Sad to say, yes it is.   He can't remember that he can't remember.   We
would go into a restaurant (this was early in the game, when my mother in
law still could go to a restaurant) and order our meal, and when we were
waiting for it she'd ask "when are we going to order?"   Then the waitress
would bring the food and she would marvel that we got our food without ever
having had to order it.

Of course then it got lots worse.   Another instance.  I gave her a jar of
face cream because I knew that all her life she would cream her face before
going to bed.   She went through the entire jar in about a week.   She would
wash her face then cream.  Five minutes later she'd wash it and cream it
again, five minutes after that ditto, and so on until someone stopped her.
She would then tell you "but I haven't washed my face yet!" when you'd tell
her it was time to go to bed.

They can't remember that they can't remember..... and yes it is a very sad
thing and horrible to live with.

Is he taking any medication?   Aricept and Namenda and some other meds can
help a little.

Sleep disturbances are way common - getting their days and nights
mixed up, getting up and wandering around repeatedly, etc. etc. For
some people with dementia, its like their entire physical rhythm is
totally thrown off. Combine that with the loss of short term memory,
and your BIL's behavior seems logical to him. He's exhausted, he can't
remember what happened, he tries to come up with a logical
explanation, and it must be that someone has been preventing him from
getting rest...and lets see, who does he share a bed and a bedroom
with...mm....AHA!!! It must be the Mrs. who is doing this to him.

My MIL would get up at 2 or 3 in the morning, get up and dressed, and
leave her room. It would be pitch dark and dead quiet, but she
couldn't use logic to think through why it seemed like night. The
reasonable thought that it might be the wee hours wouldn't flit
through her brain, and she'd be very upset and confused.

She'd also forget about when and if she ate. I've told the story here
about how in assisted living she'd claim she wasn't being fed even
though even though they were going to get her - she couldn't tell
time, so if she wasn't there, they'd look for her.

One day my husband ate lunch with her before taking her to an
appointment, and when they came back, she was all upset because she
thought she'd had no lunch - and there was nothing my husband could do
to convince his mom she'd eaten. It was sad. She actually took to
sitting all alone at her table in the dining hall for hours because
she was so afraid of missing meals. She absolutely could not remember
that there was a stocked kitchen on her floor just feet from her room
where there were always snacks, sandwiches, fruit, cookies, drinks.
She must not have had a normal experience of hunger since physically,
she didn't seem to know if she was hungry or full - she was relying on
her memory (or lack thereof) of eating.

M

Bri:

Unfortunately, this happens very often.  I can remember waking up to
our alarm going off and finding my Mother trying to leave the house at
something like 2 or 3 in the morning.  Thank God she hadn't fallen
down the stairs on her way out.  We got her back up to bed.  There
were other times she'd knock on our bedroom door, unable to comprehend
how she got there, etc.

As Evelyn said, sometimes the Doctor can find the right combination of
pharmaceuticals and in in our case, better sleep for my Mother was one
of the side benefits.

Your Brother in Law called the police to report his lack of sleep.  No
question, that's bad, but it can be/get worse.  Before finding the
right combination of pharmaceuticals for my Mother, she called the
police to report that we were poisoning her.  Naturally, we were doing
no such thing.

My Mother's dementia was more than likely due to mini-strokes.  From
all that I've read and seen first-hand, we had it pretty good compared
to what some can go through.  I hope your Sister catches a break
somewhere along the line.  It can drain a person.

Charles R. Whealton
Charles Whealton @ pleasedontspam.com

hello Bri

my FIL and MIL have hte same prob.  She is worn out from being awake with
him, like a newborn baby.

We have been told that some of those sleeping tablets can have hte opposite
effect, or that they are seriously delayed, so he needs to take it in the
morning to work at night.  I am not suggesting you make these changes, but
worth asking.  From what i can gather, meds for a alz patient is very much
trial and error, everyone is different.

good luck

chris