Hi JJ,

I am SO glad you are going to take that advice.

Now here's your homework assignment.

Please get in touch with all the friends you have been neglecting while
caregiving.
Go out to dinner with someone, to a movie or to lunch, or to a museum.
Go to the beach, or to the lake, or to the mountains.
Take a LONG hike in the woods.
Go to a big bookstore and get a good cup of coffee and a couple of really
good books.
Sleep a lot.
Take long bubble baths.
Get a pedicure, a manicure and some new makeup.
Get a new hairstyle or a good haircut.
Play the stereo LOUD with something rowdy that you enjoy.
Dance to it.
Plan that diet or self improvement thing you've been too exhausted to think
about.
Read those books you bought.
Enroll for a course in school that you'd enjoy.
Buy some really special new articles of clothing for yourself.
Indulge in your hobbies that you haven't had time to even look at, in ages.

Take a big deep breath and know that you are free,
(and if your mom was in her normal state of mind, she'd want that for you
too).

Every time you start to feel guilty, tell yourself "NO" and don't go there.
Print this post up and stick it on the fridge.

Hi JJ

You got good advice from Evelyn and Adelle

I was in a group experience one time, which included advice on stress
relief.  Sit down with a piece of paper and a pencil.  Think of things you
love to do or used to love to do.  It doesn't matter if it's been years and
years since you did the activity, if you loved to do it, list it.  Try to
get at least 10 items on your list, but if you have fewer, that's OK

Now look at the list.  Place a $ beside the things which cost more than $5.

Place a star beside the ones you can do by yourself

Place an "x" by the ones you need a companion for.

Now look at the list again.  Realistically, which ones could you do right
now?  I think your idea of the senior citizen dog walking group is an
excellent place to start, cost is low, you have companionship, and you'll be
getting exercise.

What else is on the list?  Is there someone you know who would enjoy going
to lunch?  If you did go to lunch, could the two of you splurge on a
sinfully delicious dessert and ask for two plates and two forks?

Keep the list where you can refer to it regularly, and try to think of other
items on the list you'd like to try.  If you think of something else you
used to love as the days go by, add it to the list.

When my high blood pressure was diagnosed, the nurse practioner told me that
20 minutes of walking at an enjoyable pace, not super fast, on a daily basis
was good for hypertension.  Park your car at the far edge of the parking lot
at the store, and walk to the door.  You'll get some quick physical exercise
without even thinking about it.

Pets are also good for hypertension.  Get a gentle brush, sit down with the
dog and brush him/her for 15-20 minutes.  Talk softly to the dog, explain
what a wonderful pet and companion you have, spend some time just being
there beside the dog.  Medical labs have proved that blood pressure goes
down with this type of activity.

And also, remember how dearly your mother loved you when you were little,
and concentrate on the fact that you are now repaying her, following the
advice of the care facility, and doing your best to take care of her.  She
is FINE, she is warm, dry, fed nutrititously, kept clean and safe.  That is
what YOU did for her, moving her there.  She is so lucky to have you!  Stay
centered in your own well being so you can help her for the rest of her
life.

Hang in there! and keep us posted.

Woodstock

"Sometimes the facts threaten the truth"
Amos Oz, prize winning Israeli author

Read my book reviews at:
http://www.booksnbytes.com/reviews/_idx_ws_all_byauth.html

Now blogging!
http://www.journalscape.com/woodstock/

Remove lower case "e" to respond

It's a whole lot similar to getting a youngster used to daycare or
nursery school. The bigger the fuss you make about it as the parent,
the harder it is for YOU to let go, the more stress gets telegraphed
to the child and the slower the adjustment (never mind the bigger the
fuss kid makes every time he or she has the target audience).

I've still got school aged kids (16, 13 and 9), and I have vivid
memories of watching some kids having absolute break your heart
screaming wailing "don't leave me"  meltdowns...while mom was there
(usually crying herself because she was so distraught about having to
start them at daycare). One minute after mom was gone , kid would
magically recover and start playing. Mom came back, even for a minute,
kiddo would start up again...meaning that anxious mom would find it
very hard to believe Jr. was fine when she wasn't there.

When my MIL was diagnosed, we had one very young child and the second
and third were born as she was dismantled by the Alzheimer's. I truly
found that I was able to take some of the toughest lessons of
parenthood and apply them directly to poor Dolli's situation.

When you are young woman or man, you just can't imagine how HARD some
of this stuff is going to be. Phew!

M