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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / August 2007I DID IT
I am putting mom in assist living as of Tues she will be transported to the new place from the nursing home. I think GOD knew when I would be able to let go, I was lead to a brand spanking new place mom will be placed in a brand new apt with a room mate, there are only 20 people there in that section. about 3 men and the rest are ladies and not those violent type or screaming people. I have been busy marking her clothing and personal belongings. I know she will still but upset about why she is going there and not coming home. but while she was at the nursing home they had to use the foam sponges things to keep her in the chair she was trying to get out and almost fell twice ----there is no way a 5' 1" person as myself can not watch her 24/7 I am all alone and literally have been dragging her to her potty chair. my back is sore and my blood pressure is up. plus they have me on antidepressants pills. so now hopefully my life will calm down some and I can get a life . This was the hardest thing I ever had to do and feel awful about it. I feel as tho I let her down. But on the other hand feel that she is safe and I am able to go see her as her daughter and not a caregiver. JJ >I am putting mom in assist living as of Tues she will be transported to > the new place from the nursing home. I think GOD knew when I would be [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > caregiver. > JJ JJ well done, as you have said, your mother will be better cared for than you (or any other person by themselves) could possibly provide. One piece of advice, leave your mother for a few days before you go to visit for the first time, you might feel thats hard, but it will help her settle in because seeing you may remind her of her previous house. Also, if she asks when she is going back, dont worry about telling here she needs to see a doctor first, or that her room is being redecorated or any other similar thing, to reassure her.  SignatureTumbleweed email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com > I am putting mom in assist living There comes a time... > I can get a life . This was the hardest thing I ever had to do and.. She and you will be better off and althogh the guilt feelings will probably hang on for a while, many of us have BTDT and know you are doing the best for both of you. Get some rest. Bud Congratulations JJ. You are very wise to do this and both you and she will get along better. She may not be happy at first, but give her time to adjust. Glad you found such a good place. Gwen >I am putting mom in assist living as of Tues she will be transported to > the new place from the nursing home. I think GOD knew when I would be [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > caregiver. > JJ > I am putting mom in assist living as of Tues she will be transported to > the new place from the nursing home. I think GOD knew when I would be [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > caregiver. > JJ JJ: You did the right thing. You haven't let anybody down and you went way further than many people are able, or willing to go. You went to the point where your own health is/was suffering and it can be argued that doing so was already going too far. You've left your Mother with people are are specially trained to handle those who suffer from dementia. Everyone here knows how guilty doing the right thing can make people feel. Despite knowing what the best course of action is, I found myself doing something similar to you when my own Mother began suffering from dementia. I won't even go into the specifics because it's nothing but another sad story. Never second guess yourself. You did the right thing and if she wasn't suffering from dementia, you can rest assured your Mother would agree. Charles R. Whealton Charles Whealton @ pleasedontspam.com >I am putting mom in assist living as of Tues she will be transported to > the new place from the nursing home. I think GOD knew when I would be [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > caregiver. > JJ Hi JJ, Congratulations. I ditto all that the others have said. Rest up, do something you like. Don't run to see her too often in the very beginning, give her a chance to acclimate to her new surroundings. Don't feel guilty!!!!!!!! We comforted ourselves by realizing that if my mother in law had been fully in her right mind, she would never have wanted us to go through all we did to care for her, and that she got VERY good care when she went into the nursing home, and she saw us at our very best, happy to see her.... not burnt out and exhausted. Another thing..... it took us almost 6 months before we began to feel like ourselves again. We were both just so burnt out. Grant yourself some space and the time to re-discover your own life again. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn <snip> > I know she will > still but upset about why she is going there and not coming home. Try telling her she's on vacation, and this is a hotel - a very fancy one that has all kinds of personal services just for her. That worked with the Dowager, until the disease advanced so far she forgot about her condo. <snip> Blessed be, Baird > This was the hardest thing I ever had to do and feel > awful about it. I feel as tho I let her down. Nope, NO GUILT ALLOWED HERE! You have no reason to feel that way. She's fortunate that you were able to keep her at home as long as you did. > But on the other hand feel > that she is safe and I am able to go see her as her daughter and not a > caregiver. Yes, rested and better able to cope. Congratulations for doing the right thing. |
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